Learning to Love You
by somebody's secret
Summary: When tragedy strikes, leaving Alex Cabot with two young children in her care, she finds herself in a position she never thought she'd be in before. Somehow she'll have to learn to live with a stranger, Detective Olivia Benson, for the sake of the ones she loves. But what will happen when 'tolerating' Olivia quickly turns into 'loving' her?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: The idea popped into my head weeks ago and it wouldn't leave. I actually considered passing it on to another author if they were interested but instead decided to give it a shot. This is pretty AU and different from what I've written before. I literally just wrote this today and don't have much more of it done but if there's an interest, I'll start writing again tomorrow. Hopefully you'll like the premise as much as I do. I'd love to hear your thoughts.**

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Alex chewed on the inside of her lip nervously as she walked into the smaller meeting room. She should've been used to walking into rooms like this with lawyers who are about to give her important news but she's not. She's not used to places like this with men dressed in suits like that and sad smiles from front desk attendants. She isn't used to women and men crying in waiting rooms, children looking bewildered as they cling to their parents—or maybe a relative, waiting to hear the worst news of their young lives.

She sat with her back to the door, facing the window because then she could zone out when the lawyer started to tell her everything she never wanted to hear. She thought she had already heard the worst of it when the police officer called her from the hospital, confirming that she was written down as an emergency contact.

Her mind wandered back to the day that she sat across from her pseudo brother, a man that she had practically grown up with her entire life. They were laughing about something or another, something that she beat herself for not remembering now. She could hardly remember the way he smiled and cursed herself for not taking a picture of him that day. She remembered him sliding over his opened wallet, a small plastic stack flopping in the wind.

Alex had grinned wider than she ever had before as her fingertips ran across the plastic covered photos, flipping through the more familiar ones. She smiled at the picture of her 'nephew' who was a little over one at the time. And when she managed to flip past photos of the grinning brown-haired boy, her eyes widened as she landed on a picture of the ultrasound.

"It's a girl," He had told her, grinning as wide as she was. "You're going to be an Auntie again, Allie." Alex almost cried right there. While she was never particularly fond of children, she was honored to be so close to someone and be considered family despite no blood ties.

She almost couldn't believe it so she whispered it again to herself. "Auntie."

He had nodded in response before telling her that he wanted her to be more for his kids. She didn't understand at first, shaking her head in confusion. "Alex, I talked with Claire, we both agree that if anything were to happen to us, we want you to be our children's godmother."

She couldn't speak. Her mouth was agape and her eyes brimming with tears but she couldn't speak. She had never wanted children of her own; she had never considered adopting either. But to have the responsibility to be a mother at the flip of a dime if something tragic were to happen to her friend—brother?

"I don't need an answer from you now Alex, just give it some thought, okay? Ben already loves you with everything he has and I see the way you look at him. You love him too just like you love me and I love you."

Alex finally managed to shake her head, narrowly avoiding a tear from falling. "Oh Adam," She had whispered, his name lingering on his tongue. "I love Ben so much, I really do, and I'm sure I'll love…" She paused, unsure if they had picked a name for their unborn daughter yet.

"Little Lexie. We're going to name her Alexandra, Lexie for short." And then she couldn't stop the tears. One spilled over onto her cheek and she quickly brushed it away, glancing around at the small café and wondering if anyone knew that her life was changing in that exact moment.

"We wanted to name her after you because you've done so much for us, Allie. You got Claire's abusive ex-boyfriend arrested, you convinced her to restart her life, you introduced us, and you saved our marriage more than once. We both agreed that we wanted our little girl to be named after you. Maybe one day she can grow up to be as wonderful of a woman as you are."

"Adam…" She covered her mouth, hoping that her voice wouldn't break. She could merely nod, another tear falling down her cheek. "Yes."

"Does that mean…?" Adam questioned, grinning as he grabbed onto Alex's hand, squeezing it gently.

"I would be honored to Ben and little Lexie's godmother. God, Adam why'd you have to ask me in a public place?" She furiously wiped away her tears, earning a laugh from him.

She was painfully snapped back into reality when the door opened up, the sound of footsteps behind her. She didn't turn around. She didn't want to see the fake sorrow on his face as he pretended to understand what she just lost. Nobody's condolences meant anything to her at this point.

She just wanted them to hand her the paperwork so that she could scribble her name across it and gather her niece and nephew up in her arms, never to let them go again because now she knew how cruel the world could really be.

"Ms. Cabot, thank you for coming," The lawyer, Paul, stated as he entered the room and slid a chair next to her before taking a seat across from her. She wanted to snap at him, tell him that of course she was here to claim guardianship of her niece and nephew but she bit her tongue. "We'll start momentarily. We're just waiting for one last person."

Alex looked up at him in confusion, wondering if he meant they were waiting for the children. She couldn't imagine how horrified they must be right now, little Lexie only six months old and Ben two years old now. Did they understand what was going on? Who were they currently in the hands of? As far as she knew, Claire and Adam had no close family.

Claire had been raised through the foster system which is why she was so insistent on having a godmother and Adam's parents were on the older side, his mother already gone and his father in a home.

Before she could question who they were waiting for, the door creaked once more and this time she couldn't keep her eyes toward the window. She turned and froze when her eyes landed on a sturdy set brunette with short hair. Her fists were clenched together, set firmly at her side, and her jaw tightened as she stopped just before the table. She was wearing a pair of black slacks, which had a faded dirt stain on both knees, a white undershirt, and a black leather jacket which rested perfectly on her shoulders.

Alex had never seen this woman before and couldn't help but wonder why she was here. She didn't fit in with the rest of the suits in the law office, her skin was naturally tanned from the sun and her brown eyes revealed genuine distress and sadness, unlike others she had encountered on her way to this room.


	2. Chapter 2

"Ms. Cabot, this is Olivia Benson. Ms. Benson, this is Alexandra Cabot," Paul said as he gestured for Olivia to take a seat next to Alex.

"Excuse me?" Alex questioned, looking at Paul with a frown. Who the hell was this woman?

"Ms. Cabot, I'll explain momentarily if you'd just—"

"Where are they?" Olivia cut in, her voice rough around the edges which took Alex by surprise. She turned to look at the brunette now who had her gaze fixed on Paul just like she did seconds earlier. "Where are Benjie and Lexie?"

Alex gasped at their names being mentioned, especially little Alexandra's nickname being used. Obviously this woman had known them in some form. "Who the hell are you?" Alex questioned, her patience wearing thin as she narrowed her gaze at this woman. By the looks of this woman, she was a blue collar worker, what job she had though, she couldn't quite place. She wondered momentarily if this woman was from Claire's past, maybe someone that had been through what Claire had been through as well. Or maybe she had been the one to subject Claire to her past.

She couldn't stop her jaw from clenching as the brunette turned to look at her with a look that could kill. "Someone who gives a shit about those two children and not the money," Olivia growled out, her eyes trailing down Alex's body, taking in the pristine suit that probably cost more than a month's rent for her.

"Excuse me?"

"Ladies, ladies!" Paul exclaimed as he rose from the desk, obviously not predicting this outburst from either woman. "Please, give me a moment to explain. Claire and Adam Dumont had a will written up in cases of emergency such as this one. Upon their deaths, they had both agreed and signed upon having two godmothers."

Both women's eyes widened as the gawked at Paul, and then the other. "Olivia Benson and Alexandra Cabot, the Dumont's have left you their entire estate and funds in the event of their passing. Both of you are named as equal beneficiaries. Along with this, assuming you agree, you are both awarded joint custody of Benjamin Dumont and Alexandra Dumont."

Alex nearly snapped when he said 'awarded' as if her niece and nephew were a prize for winning a game. "Now, there is a contract already in place that both of you must sign should you agree to share custody of the children."

"And if we don't agree to share custody?" Alex quickly questioned as she glanced over at the brunette, wondering how the hell she was awarded custody and how she had never heard anything about this woman.

"You two can attempt to settle it out in court in that case but it was specifically stated that in that case, the children would be put into foster care." Alex gawked at his words. Claire would never willingly allow her children to go into foster care so she knew it was a way for them to stop her from arguing this.

"If you don't want them, leave," Olivia practically growled out as she turned to the brunette, misinterpreting her question.

"Excuse me? That is my nephew and niece you're referring to. I would never abandon them and leave them to someone like…someone like you!" Alex spat out, the distaste obvious in her voice.

"Someone like me? Someone who actually works, Ms. Cabot? Because by the looks of it you were born and bred rich, just like Adam but unlike him, you're a stuck up bitch. Is that why you're here? So you can get their estate and money? Because if that's what you want, take it all but leave the children. I will not allow them to be neglected by someone like you."

Alex's eyes widened as she reached out for the brunette, the flat of her palm connecting with a tan cheek. "How dare you! How dare you accuse me of wanting their money! Adam was like a brother to me and Claire a sister! I prosecuted the asshole who was abusing her and introduced them! I'm the godmother of those two beautiful children who are now parentless and little Lexie was named after me! They are _MY_ family, _MY_ children, not _yours_!"

Both Paul and Olivia were speechless as they gaped at the blonde who now had bright red cheeks from anger; her cheeks were even redder than Olivia's, despite being slapped rather soundly by Alex. "Ms. Cabot…" Paul tried.

"NO!" She snapped as she turned to him. "You stay the hell out of this! Your only job was to tell us what you just did now give me that damn contract and give me my niece and nephew before I get my lawyer down here." Paul opened up his mouth to speak but Alex held up a warning finger, stopping him cold. "I have the means to end you, Mr. Green. Get me that damn contract and a pen. The moment I am done signing that paper, I expect my niece and nephew to be waiting for me outside so that I can take them home."

"No." Alex's neck snapped to the side which such a force that Olivia thought her neck would break. "They're not yours to take," Olivia stated as she stood up, reaching the same height as the angry blonde. "We have joint custody and I dare you to take me to court. I know every judge in New York and they will vouch for my character but if you know what's good for you, you won't fight me for custody. Those children don't deserve to go into foster care. Your ignorant mind has no clue what happens to children that go into foster care. _I_ do. I've seen it all and I will never let you subject them to that even if it means sharing custody with you."

Alex pursed her lips, trying to reel in her rage. When the door shut, indicating that Paul had left, she closed her eyes. "What do you want?" She whispered so quietly that Olivia barely heard it. "My money? Their money? I'll give you it all," Alex stated as she opened up her eyes to finally look at warm brown orbs. "Please, I'll give you anything you want, just let me take my niece and nephew. I know you don't like me and you think I'm this horrible person but I love those two children with all I have."


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Wow! Glad to know there's an interest in this story. Ask and you shall receive...a longer chapter for you all! Thanks for all the reviews, follows, and favorites! Your comments make my day.**

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Alex paused as she turned toward her purse and shuffled through it. She pulled out her wallet and tugged at the photos inside of it, shoving them into Olivia's hands. "Please, I love them and they deserve to be around family after losing both of their parents to a drunk driver."

Olivia took the photos and shuffled through them, looking at pictures of Ben at birth, six months, a year, a year and a half, and two. She then shuffled through pictures of Lexie's ultrasound, Lexie at one month, at two months, three months, and then at five. She knew all the ages because she had the same exact photos framed at her apartment. She turned to the last one, a picture of Alex in between Claire and Adam, both of them hugging her with huge grins on all of their faces.

Instead of responding, she reached into her back pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper. She handed it over to Alex and waited as she unfolded it and looked down at the faded picture that she had printed a month ago and kept at her desk when she was feeling down.

Alex looked down in shock at the picture of Olivia holding Lexie in one arm with Ben sitting on her shoulders, the brunette's other arm stabilizing Ben. Olivia was grinning widely as she looked down at Lexie swaddled up in a pink blanket. Ben had pieces of Olivia's brown locks in each of his hands and his lips were puckered out as if he was trying to kiss the top of Olivia's head. "Who are you?"

Olivia looked back up at Alex as she took the photo and shoved it back into her pocket. "I'm Detective Olivia Benson, NYPD Special Victim's Unit. I met Claire eight years ago as a beat cop when I found her beaten and bruised in the rain. I took her down to the precinct, gave her some clean clothes and got her dried off. She broke down and told me about her abusive boyfriend and I encouraged her to press charges."

Alex opened her mouth, about to call her on her lie, knowing that she was the one who pressed charges against him only seven years ago. "She told me that he would kill her so I convinced her to stay at my apartment while I hunted him down. It took me a week before I was able to arrest him but she refused to press charges after he sent one of his friend to rough her up a bit."

Olivia licked her lips as she pulled out her chair and sat back down, Alex following her lead. "She fled from my apartment and I never saw her again until almost six months later. She had a broken a wrist, half a dozen broken ribs, and two black eyes. I took her straight to the ER and hunted him down once more. I arrested him and lied, saying that I allowed him to make one call when I didn't because I knew he'd call someone to go after Claire."

Alex couldn't believe what she was hearing. She knew that Claire had tried to go to the cops before the case was passed onto her but she didn't imagine it being that bad. "I convinced Claire to press charges but we didn't have an ADA at the time so the case was turned over to Homicide's ADA."

"That was me," Alex whispered, hoping not to stop the brunette from continuing her story.

Olivia looked up at her in surprise, now realizing that the blonde was an ADA. "The ADA, uh, you I guess, got him ten years. She came back to thank me after the trial. She uh, she told me all about you." Olivia paused as she looked up into ice blue eyes which somehow seemed to warm up as the seconds ticked by.

"She said you convinced her to move on and restart her life. She told me that she really wanted to but she didn't have the money so I gave her five thousand, all I had left in my bank. She got an apartment and I helped her get a job working as a victim's advocate at a local precinct."

"I kept asking her where she got the money from," Alex whispered as she chuckled softly. She remembered arguing with Claire about the money, begging Claire to tell her the truth. She was afraid that Claire had made a deal with someone she shouldn't have and tried to convince her to return the money and that she would replace it with her own funds. Claire had said no, insisting that she had already done enough for her and paying her five grand might look suspicious after Claire testified in a trial of Alex's.

"She fixed her life and finally called two years later when she met, and I quote, 'the man of my dreams' which was Adam. She offered to pay me back for the money I gave her but instead I asked to be invited to her wedding as payment."

"I don't remember you there," Alex stated as she eyed up the brunette, wondering how she could forget such a gorgeous yet haunted face.

"Unfortunately I was in a hostage situation on their wedding day so I missed it. I sent my apologies and visited them after their wedding and honeymoon, apologizing profusely. Anyway, she sent me pictures when Ben was born. She invited me to come over and Ben took to me easily. It became a common occurrence for me to visit, I guess. I loved Ben with all I had and Claire and Adam were like the family I never had."

Olivia looked down at her lap and the blonde wondered momentarily what she could mean by that statement. "When they had Lexie, I was ecstatic. I helped them repaint their baby room and set up new furniture for her. I missed the day she was born though because I was in the hospital myself but Claire insisted that Adam bring little Lexie to me so that I could hold her."

Alex remembered Lexie's birth. She was there beside Claire and Adam the entire time and held Lexie after both of them had. She was surprised when Adam had insisted to take Lexie to another room but never questioned it much because she returned her attention to Claire and Ben instead.

This time, Alex spoke up, recounting her side of the story. "I think you've already gathered that I was the ADA that sentenced Claire's ex. We stayed in touch over the years when she was getting back on her feet. Adam is like a brother to me. We met when we were younger and grew up together. I actually introduced Claire and Adam on accident. Adam was visiting me on a business trip when Claire came to my apartment, jumping up and down because she got a promotion. Adam though she was cute and they chatted for a bit in my kitchen."

She laughed as she remembered Adam asking about Claire the moment Claire had left her apartment. He wanted to know everything there was to know about the young blonde. It was merely two months later that Adam relocated to be closer to Claire after they started dating.

"They started dating shortly after and I was the maid of honor at Claire's wedding. I was by their side when Ben and Lexie were born and I cried when Adam asked me to be their godmother." The last portion of her sentence came out as a whisper. She unconsciously ran her finger underneath her eye to catch any tears that might've strayed out.

Before the women had a moment to talk about it, the door burst open once more and a frantic looking Paul came in with two stacks of paper. "Ladies, the contract," He stated as he pushed them toward Alex and Olivia, keeping his distance.

They both wasted no time in grabbing pens and scribbling their names on all the marked places for signatures. Normally Alex wouldn't be so hasty and would've read the contract thoroughly but all she wanted in this moment was to hold her niece and nephew close and never let go.

"Where are they?" Alex questioned as she signed her named on the last line and slid the packet forward.

"Jennifer?" Paul called and the door creaked open just as Olivia pushed her contract toward Paul as well. She turned just in time to see Ben peek his head through the door with red eyes and dried tears across his cheeks.

"Antie Wexie! Antie Wivia!" Ben cried out as he pulled away from Jennifer's grip on his shoulder and ran the short distance to them. Alex wasted no time in dropping to her knees so that Ben could jump into her arms.

"Oh Ben, my sweet baby boy," Alex cooed as tears finally spilled over. She wrapped her arms tightly around the little boy and cupped the back of his brown locks, pulling him as close to her as humanly possible. "Oh my sweet boy." It was only then that she registered the sharp pitch cry coming from Lexie.

By the time she got to her knees, Olivia was cradling Lexie in her arms, rocking her soothingly and shushing her as she did so. She felt a pang of jealously course through her as she watched Lexie quiet down and open up her little blue eyes, looking up at Olivia curiously and then lovingly, as if the six month old somehow recognized her.

"There you go Lexie, what a good girl," Olivia cooed as she rearranged Lexie and propped her against her chest so that her head was on her shoulder. Wide blue eyes landed on Alex and she felt her heart skip a beat as she walked over to the small head of wispy blonde locks. She cupped the back of her head and kissed Lexie's forehead gently.

"My sweet little girl," She whispered as she pressed another kiss to the crown of her forehead. "Oh how I've missed you so much." She straightened up and avoided the urge to pull Lexie out of Olivia's arms. Instead, she cleared her throat and readjusted Ben. "If you'll be kind enough to carry Lexie down to my car I can take them home and get them settled in."

Olivia raised an eyebrow at the blonde. "And what makes you think they're going home with you?"

"Well obviously I have the means to take care of them," Alex stated, immediately regretting it as she saw the flash of anger cross Olivia's features. "I mean, I have a three bedroom apartment which will fit them comfortably."

"And I have an office that I can easily convert to a room for them," Olivia argued back. "Plus I've already baby-proofed my apartment because they were going to visit me next week."

"But you're a cop."

"Detective," Olivia growled, warning the blonde to watch herself.

"Your job is dangerous just the same and you can't take days off. You're on duty all the time. You're crazy if you think I'm going to let you leave them alone with some random babysitter."

"And what about you?" Olivia shot back as she held Lexie closer to her. "You're a lawyer who is always in court. You think you can care for them any better? Just because you can hire a more expensive babysitter? Besides, I already took two weeks off of work."

Before Alex could cut in, saying she took time off as well, Paul spoke. "Actually, uh," He paused as both women turned to him with glares. "You two can't separate the children and you all have to go to the same home."

"Excuse me? Says who?" Alex snapped as she stepped closer to Paul.

"Says the contract that you just signed!" He cried out as he took a step from Alex. "You both signed it, without reading it which is stupid might I add." Alex shot him a glare that he ignored. "You agreed that one of you must move in with the other in order to raise the children. There is no way around it, trust me, I consulted other lawyers as well after meeting you two."

"Oh my god," Alex muttered as she walked over to the table and snatched the contract. She flipped a few pages before pausing.

"Please tell me he's wrong," Olivia pleaded as she stood next to Alex.

The blonde continued skimming for a few seconds as Ben squirmed in her arms. "Antie Wivia?" He sniffled and rubbed his leaking nose on his fist before reaching out for the brunette.

"Hey buddy, give your Auntie Alex a moment and then I'll hold you."

"You will not be holding him," Alex snapped as she pulled Ben back to her. "It's okay Ben, I'm going to take you home with me and Lexie is coming with us."

"So the contract…?" Olivia questioned.

Alex turned to the brunette. "He's right. You have to move in with me."

"Excuse me?" Olivia growled as her eyes widened. "I am not just going to _move_ in with you. Are you out of your mind? You can move in with me! I have to go to work every day and for all I know you live hours away from here!"

"And you don't think I have work? I have a larger home than you. _Three_ bedrooms and _two_ bathrooms. There is no way that I'm going to share a bedroom with you in your single bedroom apartment. And I only live half an hour from here. You're moving in with me or you're relinquishing your guardianship of these two."

Olivia gaped at the bluntness of the blonde but technically she was right. With three bedrooms and two bathrooms they could both completely avoid each other while still being close enough to take care of Ben and Lexie. The brunette swallowed her pride and looked at Paul once more, waiting for him to say that he was just kidding. "Fine," She grumbled as she watched Alex straighten up and hold Ben closer to herself. "What's your address?"

Alex looked taken aback slightly as she looked over to Paul and then back to Olivia. She pulled on the brunette's arm, tugging her to the side so that Paul couldn't hear them. "Are you crazy? Do you honestly think I'm going to let you, a complete stranger, come into my apartment? You can stay at your own da—" She stopped herself from cursing in front of the children. "You can stay at your own apartment and visit when you'd like but I must be there."

"No. No way. You don't get to take them from me like that. Either I move in with you or you move in with me. Isn't that right, Paul?" She questioned, turning toward him. Alex scowled at the immaturity of the detective to turn to Paul rather than dealing with this on her own.

"Uh, yes. That's what the contract says and if either of you break it, the children will be placed in foster care. They made it clear that you two are to be co-parents and living together is a requirement." Paul looks between them for a few seconds before speaking again. "I don't think they meant that you had to be together sex—"

"SHUT UP!"

"WATCH YOUR MOUTH!" Alex and Olivia both screamed at Paul who immediately shrunk in place.

"Oh my god, this is a disaster," Alex muttered as Ben squirmed in her arms once more.

"Auntie Lexie," Ben whispered, his speech clearer after he stopped crying. "Potty."

Alex suddenly started laughing, shaking her head. "Oh my god what am I going to do," She mumbled to herself.

"I can take him, Alex," Olivia offered up.

"There is no way in—that I'm going to let you take him to the bathroom. I don't know who you are and what you do to child—"

"Stop," Olivia growled out as she used her free arm to grab onto Alex's arm. "Don't you dare finish that sentence. I work for the Special Victim's Unit for Christ's sake. Don't you ever accuse me of being some pedophile. I work with children for a living and I have taken care of children on multiple occasions. While it's obvious that you've never changed a diaper or taken Ben to the bathroom, I have. In fact, I babysat them all the time so that Adam and Claire could have a date night. I don't care if you don't trust me because they did and that's all that matters. Now either take Ben to the bathroom or take Lexie from me so that I can."

Alex stared her down for a few seconds before lowering Ben to the ground. Before she took Lexie, however, she kneeled down at Ben's height. "Hey buddy, are you okay with Olivia taking you to the bathroom?"

"Auntie Livia?" Ben questioned as he looked up at the brunette with a grin. "Auntie Livia! Teached me potty wit Mommy." Alex seemed satisfied with that answer and rose up again and reached out for Lexie.

"I'll be back in five minutes or less, okay? Sometimes he likes to play with the toilet paper," Olivia whispered, causing Alex to grin slightly as she thought of Ben spinning the roll until it all came out. Once when she visited Adam and Claire, Ben came running out with his shorts around his knees and a trail of toilet paper behind him, screaming 'Auntie Lexie'.

"Okay," Alex mouthed, no words coming out even though she meant them to. She reached out and allowed Olivia to place Lexie comfortably in her arms. Once she was there, she pulled the little girl close, inhaling the lingering baby scent that Lexie still carried. She kissed the little girl's forehead repeatedly, earning an amused giggle from her.


	4. Chapter 4

"AUNTIE LEXIE!" Alex spun around at the sound of Benjamin bellowing her name from the hallway. With wide eyes, she rushed to the door and frantically looked for the little boy, searching for some sign that he was in distress. Instead, she saw him clinging to Olivia's leg, standing on her foot, as she waddled over to Alex. "Auntie Lexie! Look! No walk!" He giggled as he tugged at Olivia's pant leg, his lips spread wide around his baby teeth as he grinned.

"I see!" Alex replied as she laughed at the silly boy. Oh how she had missed him over the last couple of months. "How about you let go of Olivia so that I can take you down to my car with me."

"Alex," Olivia warned as she leaned down, ruffling up Ben's hair to keep him calm. "Don't start."

The blonde pursed her lips as she looked at Olivia. While it was painfully obvious that the brunette was good with the two children, she still wasn't ready to share custody with her. She felt possessive over them, as if it was her _right_ to have them. She knew it was wrong to think of them as her property in a way but she didn't want them to suffer through any more than they already had. She still didn't know what their temporary state appointed guardian had told the children concerning their parents' death.

Olivia merely shook her head and kneeled down, dislodging Ben from her leg. "Hey Benjie," She said before lowering her voice. Alex watched her curiously as she whispered in Ben's ear. She could barely make out the words 'hug' and her own name.

Ben grinned widely as he launched himself at Alex, throwing his little arms around her calves and snuggling against her knees. "Love you Auntie Lexie." Alex felt her heart melt and positioned Lexie in one arm before kneeling down and running her hand across Ben's cheek.

"I love you, too, Benjie. I love you so much. Can you remember that for me?" He nodded profusely as if it was some big secret that he was tasked with keeping. She smiled at the boy before kissing his forehead.

"Auntie Lexie?" Ben called as she rose to her feet once more. She looked down at him curiously as he shot one hand up in the air and wiggled his fingers. Alex grinned and held out two fingers which Ben's little hand immediately wrapped around.

"Let's go home, buddy." She turned to Olivia who was leaning against the wall, politely letting them have their moment. It was only then that she saw the sorrow and ache written in Olivia's dark features. As she walked over to the brunette, she was about to apologize when Ben shot out his hand, grabbing onto Olivia's without any reserve.

"Auntie Livia, home," Ben giggled as he tugged on her as hard as a two year old could.

"Okay buddy. We're going to go home. To a new home, okay? To Auntie Alex's home. Have you been there before?" She questioned as they walked out of the room, Ben still holding both woman's hands.

He looked up at Alex and tilted his head as she nodded. "Yes," He said as he smiled, as if proud that he remembered his Auntie Alex's house. "TV!" He exclaimed as his eyes widened.

"Yes, I do have the really big TV that you watched your cartoons on. Do you remember that?"

"Yes!" He exclaimed as they made their way down the elevator and to the parking lot, stopping short of Alex's white Lexus SUV.

"Maybe your Auntie Lexie will let you watch some TV while we set your bedroom up for you." Olivia watched Alex fumble with the keys for a moment before managing to unlock the doors. She pulled open the back door where two brand new seats for the children laid. Olivia glanced back at Alex for a second before grabbing onto the baby seat and hooking it up through the seatbelt. She settled it into place and tested it to make sure she did it properly before reaching out for Lexie.

Alex dodged her and placed Lexie in on her own, pausing as she picked up a strap and fiddled with it for a second. In the meantime, Olivia brought Ben over to the other side and quickly set up his seat as well. "Come on, up Ben!" Olivia stated as she picked up the little boy and settled him into the seat. She quickly pulled the lock between his legs and slipped his arms through each band. She snapped the locks in place and adjusted the straps so that the cushions were around his shoulders and the straps wouldn't hurt him. "There you go. Is that comfortable?"

"Yes!" Olivia smiled and ruffled up the boy's brown locks before kissing him on the forehead.

"Good boy." She turned to look at Alex who was still staring at the baby seat. Blue eyes flashed up at her for a second before looking back down at the seat. Olivia sighed as she closed Ben's door and walked over behind Alex. "I can help you, if you want."

"No, I can do it myself," Alex muttered as she continued fiddling with the belts for another minute. She finally sighed heavily and rested her head against the side of the door. Olivia stood back in silence until she saw the blonde's shoulders shaking.

"Alex?" She took a step closer and lightly placed her hand on Alex's shoulder. The blonde jerked her arm away and brought it up to her face before turning away from Olivia. The brunette barely caught sight of her red eyes and tears streaming down one cheek.

"Just do it," Alex whispered, her voice weak as she moved away from the detective and leaned against the car. Olivia quickly locked Lexie into place before hesitantly looking at Alex.

"It's okay that you don't know how, you know. It took Claire teaching me five times before I got the hang of it." Alex merely shook her head, frantically wiping away her tears as she walked toward the driver's side door, pulling it open.

"I can't even put her into a baby seat," She whispered as she glanced up at Olivia before averting her eyes. "How am I ever going to care for her?" Instead of waiting for a response, she slid into her seat and closed the door behind her.

Olivia stood there for a few seconds before carefully shutting Lexie's door and getting into the passenger seat. Alex looked at her in confusion. "I took a taxi here, I hope you don't mind."

Alex shook her head. "No, no that's fine. We're going to the same place. Do I need to stop by your place so you can gather some things?"

"No that's okay. Once we get the kids settled in I'll grab a cab back to my place and get my stuff. I just want to get them settled in first. Are you…are you okay with me spending the night? I know you don't trust me or like me or whatever it is but I love those two like they're my own and tonight is going to be the hardest. I've seen it before, too many times to count. They're too young to understand and I want to be there to comfort them when they wake up crying. Please."

Alex stayed quiet as she pulled out of the parking lot and drove down the road. It was the longest minute of Olivia's life before Alex finally responded. "Yes, you can stay the night."

They drove in silence for ten minutes, Alex watching the road and Olivia watching Alex or the children. After evaluating the blonde, it was obvious from her white knuckles around the steering wheel that she was trying her best not to break down in front of her. "Alex?" The blonde didn't bother looking her way but Olivia knew she heard her. "It's okay, Alex. Everything will be okay, even if you don't know how to set up a car seat. I don't know Ben's favorite type of cereal anymore—"

"Captain Crunch," Alex interjected, never taking her eyes off of the road.

"See? You know stuff that I don't and I know stuff that you don't. You have to believe that Claire and Adam picked both of us for a reason. They knew that together, we'd make it work."

"I'm a workaholic."

"I am too," Olivia confirmed.

"I'm afraid I'll let them down," Alex whispered as she glanced back into her rear view mirror to see Ben fast asleep.

"Me too." Alex flinched slightly when she felt Olivia's hand settle on her thigh. "Alex? I'm sorry for your loss."

"Me too," She managed to choke out as she ran her index finger under eye to catch a tear. "Me too."


	5. Chapter 5

When they arrived at the house, Olivia carried a sleeping Ben upstairs while Alex carried Lexie. Neither said much as Alex led the detective into her apartment and brought her to the spare bedroom next to hers, where she wanted the children to be since it was closer than the other spare bedroom.

Luckily, there was a spare bed already in there so they set the children down next to each other and Olivia used the sheets to bunch them around Lexie so that she wouldn't fall off of the bed while they set everything else up. "There's a crib in the corner," Alex whispered as she pointed to it. "I—It was supposed to be a gift to them since now Lexie is sleeping on her own. It had the best reviews I could find and it's the safest one on the market. Number one recommended…" She rambled off as she leaned up against the wall, taking a deep breath and closing her eyes.

"I'll set it up, okay?" Alex merely nodded, not bothering to open her eyes as she heard the heavy box drag across the hardwood floor. Once the sound left the room, indicating that Olivia was going to set it up so as to not disturb the sleeping children, Alex allowed herself to sink to the floor.

She finally permitted herself to cry freely, tears streaming down her cheeks as she cupped her face with her hands and buried herself against her propped up knees. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't seem to remember Adam's smile. She could remember Claire, she could remember Ben as a baby, she could remember Lexie the minute she was born, but she couldn't remember her brother's smile.

She sobbed into her hands as she shook her head. How could she forget someone she loved like a brother? How could she forget him? It was sick and twisted. She laughed sadistically at herself.

She wasn't sure how long she sat there, crying to herself and cursing herself for being such a horrible friend and godmother. She knew she wasn't cut out for it. She knew there was a reason that Claire and Adam had never asked her to babysit. God, who was she trying to fool? If she didn't love those two so damn much she'd void her contract and give them to Olivia.

At least she knew how to put a baby seat together and how to put a crib together. She would've had to hire someone to help her.

It felt like only minutes later when the sound from the living room stopped. She immediately jerked away from the hand that rested on her shoulder, burying her face deeper against her knees in embarrassment of being caught crying.

"Alex, you're mourning, it's okay," Olivia whispered as she sat down next to Alex, removing her hand from the blonde's shoulder since the gesture wasn't welcomed. "It's okay to mourn you loss. Adam was like a brother to you. They were your family."

Alex cried harder.

Her body rocked with her sobs until Olivia couldn't stand it anymore. She wrapped an arm around Alex's arched back and pulled her close, despite Alex's protests. Finally, the blonde gave in, allowing her body to lean against Olivia's chest. "Shh, everything will be okay," Olivia soothed as she wrapped her arm tightly around Alex's back and used her other hand to stroke Alex's smooth locks. "I know it doesn't mean much but I'm here for you, Alex. We'll get through this together, okay? Those two beautiful children are counting on us, on you."

"Take them," Alex whispered, her voice coarse from crying. "Take them, please. I can't…do this…"

"Shh, don't say that. Yes you can Alex. You love those two like your own, you said so yourself. You can do this and I'll be here to help you every step of the way." Olivia felt the overwhelming urge to protect the blonde, much like she would a victim. Without thinking of the consequences, she pressed a kiss to the top of Alex's head. "You can do this. They need you. I need you too. Neither of us can do this on our own."

It took another ten minutes before Alex was able to compose herself enough to push away from Olivia and stand up on unsteady legs. She wiped away her tears and blinked furiously, trying to get her contacts to refocus. "We need to bring the crib into my room so that I have Lexie close. Ben loves his stuffed animals, especially his teddy bear and I don't have it. I don't even have food for them. Oh god, what does Lexie even eat? Last time they visited she was still drinking formula."

"Hey, calm down. One step at a time," Olivia told her as she glanced back to the sleeping children. "We can pick up their stuff in the morning. I'm going back to my apartment to get my own stuff since they're settled in now and I'll swing by the grocery store. Lexie is still drinking formula with her baby cereal. Claire introduced her to pureed carrots, bananas, sweet potatoes, strawberries, and blueberries. I'm not sure what else but I'm sure we can figure it out when we talk to her pediatrician. Don't worry for now, okay Alex? Just focus on yourself. I'll be back in a couple of hours. If you need anything," Olivia paused and pulled out her phone before handing it over. "Give me your number. I'll call you before I leave and that way you'll have my number. If you need anything, whether it's for them or yourself, call me."

Alex punched in her number and nodded before handing it back to Olivia. "Captain Crunch. And I know he eats it with soymilk instead of regular. He likes strawberries and bananas but hates green apples. He'll eat carrot sticks and celery sticks with peanut butter and he loves peanut butter and jelly sandwiches but it has to be grape jelly."

Olivia smiled as she watched Alex ramble off anything that she could remember about Ben's food preferences. "Okay, I'll pick up all of that. Wheat or white?"

"Wheat," Alex confirmed. "But it can't have all those healthy items on the crust otherwise Ben will make me cut it off. I made that mistake the last time," She said with a chuckle, her face finally lighting up.

"Okay. Two hours, Alex. Two hours and then I'll be back. When I get back I can carry the baby crib back into your room and set Lexie up in there with you. Then we can tuck Ben in."

"I have spare clothes," Alex suddenly remembered. "Adam left them here on accident the last time. They might be a little short on Ben now but I'm sure they'll be fine for the night. I think I have some clothes for Lexie as well that I was supposed to give them at the next visit."

"Perfect. Why don't you go get that stuff out and keep an eye on them? I'll be back before you know it." Alex nodded almost sadly as she turned back to the two children fast asleep in the bed.


	6. Chapter 6

True to her word, Olivia returned two hours later with her arms full of grocery bags and a duffel bag throw over her shoulder. Alex let her in without question and mentally noted that she should probably give Olivia a spare key if they were actually going to be living together.

"Okay," Olivia sighed as she set everything down in the kitchen. "Grocery bags." She moved those to the side for Alex to place into her fridge and cabinets. "General supplies for the kids. Diapers for Lexie and nighttime pull-ups for Ben since sometimes he wets the bed."

Alex grinned, remembering how the last time Ben spent the night in her bed while Adam crashed on the spare bed, Adam forgot a nighttime pull-up. She had woken up to a warm spot on the front of her shirt and underneath her chest because Ben was curled up facing her, his little hands clinging to her shirt. She had almost screamed, unsure what the wetness was from. Once she realized it was pee and not blood, she started laughing as she picked up Ben and carried him into the bathroom.

Adam had apologized profusely as he looked at Alex in her wet night shirt with Ben in her arms, sucking his thumb. She had stripped Ben of his clothes as well as her own and quickly hopped in the shower with him while Adam replaced her bedsheets. She felt weird, holding a two year old while she tried to shower and get all the remnants of pee off of herself and Ben. The poor boy was still half asleep and didn't want to stand up or sit down on the shower floor.

"Alex?" The blonde blinked a couple of times before looking up at Olivia from behind her black framed glasses. She had taken off her contacts after Olivia left and put on her glasses instead, immediately feeling protected from behind them. "You look like you're reminiscing."

"I was thinking of the first time Ben peed in my bed," Alex replied with a soft chuckle. "I didn't know what was happening and carried him at an arm's length as I ran to my bathroom. Luckily Adam helped me clean up otherwise I don't know what I would've done."

Olivia grinned at Alex's story. She too had her own share about Ben peeing on her, especially when he was just a baby and didn't like the feeling of his diaper coming off. There had been quite a few close calls of pee hitting her in the face but she figured those were stories for another time.

"Well the good news is when I took him to the bathroom he was already wearing a pull-up so you won't find a wet bed when we change him." Alex's eyes widened, surprised that she completely forgot that the little boy was fast asleep in her spare bed. "Don't worry, Alex. It's fine. I also got wipes to clean Lexie and baby powder. I picked up some blankets from my place, pillows, and clothes for myself mainly, although I did have a few items for Ben that I was going to give him when he visited next week."

Alex bit her lip as she began to unload all the food into her fridge and pantry, trying to organize it based on what Ben would eat and what Lexie would eat. She smiled at the plethora of canned pureed baby food and formula. Olivia had even picked up reusable children's plastic utensils, plates, and cups. She wondered momentarily just how much the brunette had spent on the children just to ensure that they had one day of comfort since they were going to pick up the rest of their stuff the following day.

"Thank you for doing all of this," Alex finally managed to say once she found her voice. "You really didn't have to but I appreciate it."

Olivia smiled in response before grabbing another bag and handing it over to Alex. "I care about them too, Alex. And I care about you because you're basically a mother to them now and I want them to be happy so that means I need to make sure that you're happy."

Alex smiled faintly as she opened up the bag, ready to empty the contents but instead found items specifically for her. Inside was a book on basic baby knowledge which she knew would include instructions on how to put a baby in a baby seat. Along with it was a bottle of lavender lotion, a special kind meant to help someone relax. There was also a small bottle of pain reliever for headaches, a box of tissues, a box of fancy chocolates, a bottle of decently nice wine, and a small white teddy bear.

Alex couldn't help but smile as she pulled out the teddy bear and turned it to herself, raising an eyebrow when she read 'I love you' written across the chest of the teddy bear. "I imagine Adam and Claire would've wanted me to give that to you. They loved you Alex and I know that because on the drive back here, I finally realized that you're Adam's Allie."

Alex's eyes glisten as she wiped away the tears from beneath her glasses, her heart beating a little harder in her chest at the mention of her old nickname. "When we first met, we were five or so. He pushed me down into the tanbark at the playground and I screamed 'owie' so he laughed, and said 'hi owie.' I shoved him back and somehow we became friends. He kept calling me owie for a few more years until everyone kept mistaking my name for Allie and laughed at him for having a lisp. So then he just gave up and started calling me Allie since it was close enough to a nickname for Alexandra."

"You really did know him for a long time," Olivia stated as she removed the last few items from the bags and shoved some under her arm to bring to the bedroom for the children.

"Yeah, I guess I did." Alex smiled sadly before pulling a tissue out of the tissue box and dabbing at her eyes. "Thank you for this."

Olivia merely nodded as she picked up everything she needed and carried it back toward the children's room. She dropped off what was meant for the children before following Alex to another room, one that looked more like an office than a bedroom.

"I uh, the bed for this room is in storage. We'll have to pick it up tomorrow so that you'll have a place to sleep but you can put your stuff in here in the meantime. The closet is empty and the dresser should only have a few things in it that you can just move out of the way so you have space."

"Thanks." The detective glanced around, wondering how she was going to sleep in the room which was furnished with a bookshelf filled with law books and a few children's books, a large desk, and a chair. She figured she could push those against the wall and sleep on the floor with some blankets and maybe a sleeping bag if Alex could find one.

"I didn't plan ahead," Alex admitted as Olivia set down her stuff and started pulling out the clothes she had for Ben but didn't bother putting her own clothes in any drawers. "So you can sleep in my bed."

Olivia paused as she looked up at the blonde curiously. "I didn't think we were that close, Alex." Olivia's tone was light and teasing but Alex blushed just the same.

"I mean, I was going to sleep in bed with Ben. That way we can just drag the crib into that room and I'll be in the room with both of them. You'll be right next door in case they cry or anything."

"I could share the bed with Ben," Olivia suggested, only to see Alex press her lips tightly together. She watched the blonde fight the urge to cry. "Actually, your bed would be just fine, Alex. Thank you for offering it up."

She didn't want to cause the blonde any more grief that she was already facing and she had a feeling that all Alex wanted right now was to be as close as physically possible to the children. She leaned down and picked up some clothes before holding them up to show Alex. "If you don't mind…"

"Oh!" Alex recognized the clothes as a pair of sweats and a shirt and left the bedroom so that Olivia could have some privacy. She went into her own bedroom and followed Olivia's lead, pulling out a pair of shorts and one of Adam's t-shirts that he had left the last time he visited. She pulled off her blouse and skirt and slipped the shirt on, wrapping her arms around herself as she reveled in the smell of her best friend.

She closed her eyes for a moment and imagined that Adam was here now, holding her close and telling her that everything was going to be okay. He had done that for her for many years, after every heart break, family passing, or friend leaving. He was a constant to her, some one that would always be there no matter how dark the tunnel she was on seemed to get.

Except now.

Now she was alone.

Her soft sobs masked the sound of Olivia's footsteps in the hallway behind her. When the brunette saw her, her arms wrapped tightly around her body in nothing more than a t-shirt that barely covered her underwear, she almost turned around and left. But then she heard the soft cry for Adam and the curse at him for leaving her alone.

Her heart ached for the blonde and so she didn't resist her urge to comfort Alex. She stepped into her room, hesitantly, as if suddenly an alarm would go off and Alex would throw her out. When nothing happened and Alex didn't turn, she took another step closer, then another, until she was right behind Alex.

She whispered the blonde's name but she seemed to be lost in her own mind, repeatedly crying out for Adam. She walked around Alex and pulled her into her strong embrace, wrapping her arms tightly around Alex's shaking frame. "Adam…"

"Shh," Olivia whispered as she cupped the back of Alex's head with one hand, pulling her closer until the blonde's head was resting against the nook of her neck.

"Why'd you leave me…alone…I can't…"

"You're not alone," Olivia assured her, wondering if her words were falling on unheard ears. "I'm here, Alex."

"Please," Alex begged, her body finally sagging against the detective's. "Please…Allie…"

Olivia bit her lip, wondering if it would only make things worse. But when Alex broke out into a new round of sobs, she pulled her even closer. "Shh, Allie, it's okay. I'm here. I'll always be here for you."

The use of her nickname seemed to relax Alex for a moment and she tugged at Olivia's night shirt, steadying herself as she calmed her racing heart. After a few minutes, Olivia guided Alex to the spare bedroom where Ben and Lexie were still fast asleep. She helped the blonde lie down on the queen size bed, assuring her that everything would be okay.

Once she was settled, clinging to a pillow, Olivia carried the baby crib into the room and set it next to the bed. She then picked up Lexie, rocking her softly in her arms as she carried her into Alex's bedroom along with the bag of supplies that she had dropped off in the room earlier.

She pulled out a blanket and set it on the foot of the bed before putting down the sleeping girl. She quickly changed her diaper and put on a new one before slipping Lexie into a pair of pajamas that were slightly too big for the little girl since they were meant for eight month olds. One she was all wrapped up in a blanket, Olivia returned her to the crib which she had already covered in a sheet that Alex had bought along with the crib. She readjusted the pillows and set Lexie down, pulling a blanket over her and placing a small stuffed lamb in next to her.

Next she picked up Ben from the bed and carried his sleeping form to Alex's bedroom as well. She pulled his t-shirt off and set it to the side before taking off his pants as well. He stirred slightly, blinking as he looked up at Olivia. "Awntie 'ivia," He murmured, small hands coming up to rub his eyes. "Potty."

"Okay buddy," Olivia whispered as she picked him up and carried him to Alex's bathroom. She helped him use the bathroom before pulling on a pair of nighttime pull-ups. She returned to Alex's bedroom and pulled on his onesie and buttoned it up. The sleepy brunette reached up his arms and Olivia picked him up, carrying him back to the bedroom where Alex was fast asleep.

She set him down and pulled down the covers, slipping them over him. "Livia? Where teddy?" Olivia bit her lip as she looked down at sleepy brown eyes. He had gotten his eyes from Claire rather than Adam who had brilliant blue once much like Alex and Lexie.

"Teddy is sleeping over at someone else's house, Benjie. How about I give you another one that I got special for you?" He grinned slightly, sleepily as he nodded. She quickly slipped out of the room and grabbed the stuff elephant that she put into her duffel bag before coming over.

She returned to the sleepy boy and handed it over to open arms. He immediately pulled it close and snuggled into the plush toy. "Imma call you Ellie like Antie Allie…" He murmured, somehow remembering what his dad would always call his Auntie Lexie. Olivia smiled sadly as she glanced over at the blonde who was fast asleep.

She pressed a kiss to the top of Ben's forehead and then another to his cheek. "Go to sleep, Benjie," She whispered as she stroked his head softly until his eyes drooped shut. Olivia watched the two children sleep for a moment before moving over to Alex's side of the bed.

With a bit of effort, she pulled the covers out from under the blonde and readjusted them so that they were on top of her and Ben. She brushed back Alex's blonde locks which were clinging to her dried tears. Once her hair was pushed back, she kissed her forehead much like she had done to Ben. "Sleep well, Alex."

With that, she turned on the baby monitor that she had picked up at the store and propped it on the night stand, turning it on so that she could hear if anyone woke up. She carried the receiver into Alex's bedroom with her and set it on the bed side table.

Once she was sure it was on, she curled up in Alex's bed and grabbed onto one of her pillows, pulling it tightly against her chest. It was only then, under the darkness of the night and far enough away from the children and Alex that she allowed herself to cry.

She cried for two lost souls. She cried for a former victim who had overcome every obstacles against all odds. She cried for the nicest man she had ever met. She cried for a forever gone mother and father. She cried for a lost brother and sister. She cried for her lost friends.

Then she cried for Ben and Lexie.

And finally for Alex because while Ben and Lexie may be too young to understand their loss, Alex wasn't. It was something that she would carry with her for the rest of her life and every time she looked at the two beautiful children, victims of someone's bad decisions so young in life.

Sometimes she hated the world and those who belonged to it. Other times she had the naïve idea that she could protect them all. She already failed Ben and Lexie.

And that would wear on her own heart for the rest of her life.


	7. Chapter 7

When sharp cries filled her room, Olivia jumped out of bed, almost falling over since she was in a room that she wasn't familiar with. She took a moment to gather her bearings before fumbling to the door in the dark and out to the hallway. With a bit of effort, she found herself in the spare bedroom where Alex was standing, rocking Lexie in her arms and shushing the baby.

"Shh, Lexie. Shh little girl. Everything is okay," She cooed at the whining baby as she continued rocking her in her arms. Alex had a blanket draped over her arms, one that had started off wrapped around Lexie but had wound up underneath her now as a form of support.

Olivia stood back idly, watching as Alex's maternal instincts kicked in.

"Maamuh!"

Olivia barely had enough time to close the distance between her and Alex before the blonde's knees gave out. The detective supported her, immediately pulling her back close to her front, her hands wrapping around Alex's arms so that Lexie wouldn't wiggle her way out.

"Oh god…"

"It's okay, Alex. It's okay. She doesn't know. It's just a word to her, Alex."

"I'm not her mom and I never will be…"

"You're right." Alex's body went rigid. "Claire will always be her mom and we will do everything in our power to make sure that she and Ben remember their parents. They won't ever forget how much Claire and Adam loved them. But some day you'll be there parent too. You may be mommy or mama instead of mom but you'll mean more to them than anyone else in the world, Alex."

"What if…what I can't do this, Olivia? She's still crying, she won't stop. I can't even calm her down when she's crying. I'm not cut out for this."

"Yes you are," Olivia assured her as she slowly started to sway back and forth with Alex stilled wrapped up in her arms. It forced Alex to move with her, in return rocking Lexie. Olivia pushed her arms further up around Alex's forcing the blonde to readjust her hold on Lexie until Lexie's head was against Alex's left breast and her feet lower than the rest of her.

Within a matter of minutes, Lexie was quiet, making a few sounds with her mouth as she cuddle against Alex's breast. "She likes the sound of your heartbeat and the feeling of your breast against her face. It reminds her of when she was a baby and first started breastfeeding. She also likes her head higher than her feet, not even with them."

"You know so much," Alex whispered as she pulled Lexie closer to her, the little girl's head burrowing against her small breast.

"Claire taught me a few months back and now I'm teaching you. You calmed her down from crying. You can do this, Alex."

"With your help."

"Without my help you'd be able to do this too. The way you were holding her, rocking her, trying to calm her…that was your motherly instinct kicking in. You knew you had to hold her close and rock her. You just didn't know exactly what she liked the best but now you do."

"'Ntie 'ivia," Ben murmured, his head lifting up ever so slightly from the pillow he was resting against. Suddenly, he sat upright and started crying, his little eyes scrunching up as tears started streaming down his face, cheeks already red.

"Benjie, what's wrong baby?" Olivia questioned as she released her hold on Alex and walked over to Ben who immediately held his arms out for her. She picked him up without question and he wrapped his tiny legs around her side. He continued crying and Alex moved to the side so that Lexie wouldn't wake up from his screams.

"Benjie, I need you to tell me what's wrong, buddy. Tell me what's wrong and we can fix it. Is it Ellie your elephant? She's on the bed where you left her." Ben shook his head as more tears streamed down his face. "Are you hungry? Did you not eat dinner?" He shook his head again, more tears spilling out.

"I…I…" He started hyperventilating and Olivia held him upright.

"Benjie, breath buddy, take a deep breath just like your Auntie Olivia, okay? Just like this." Olivia grabbed onto his little hand and put it against the center of her ribcage as she took a deep breath so that he could feel it expand. "Just like me, Benjie, deep breath."

After a few seconds, he managed to take a deep breath but tears continued streaming down his cheeks. "I…"

"Benjie, use your words or point to what you want, okay?" His little finger pointed to his stomach. "Does your tummy hurt, Benjie?" He shook his head and then poked lower. "Do you have to go potty?" He shook his head again.

"Sowwy!" He cried out as he reached for her and buried his head against her shoulder. "I…I…went…potty…"

"Oh Benjie, it's okay," Olivia assured him as she held onto the boy. "It's okay that you went potty in your pull-ups, okay? That's what they're there for. Is it uncomfortable? Is that why you're crying?" He nodded as he poked a finger at his nose, pulling away a long string of snot.

"Okay, let's go get you changed then, okay? That's all we have to do Benjie. We'll go change and clean you up and then you can go back to bed."

Minutes later, Olivia returned to the bedroom where Alex was already curled up in the bed with Lexie lying on the mattress next to her, curled up against Alex's chest. "All better, Benjie," She whispered as she lowered him back down onto the mattress. "There you go. Go lie down with Auntie Lexie."

"No. Auntie Livia," He whimpered as he held out a hand for her.

"I'll be sleeping right next door, Benjie. You'll be fine here with Auntie Lexie." He shook his head and reached out for her again. "Benjie, please…"

"It's okay." Olivia looked over at the blonde in surprise since she figured she was already asleep. "You can sleep here for tonight. If it makes him feel safe," Alex whispered as she opened up her sleepy blue eyes which were still puffy from crying.

Olivia bit her lip as she examined the blonde for a moment, making sure that she would feel comfortable with her in the bed. When Alex closed her eyes once more and Lexie curled a hand around Alex's shirt, against her breast, Olivia decided it would be fine for just one night.

"Okay Benjie. Just tonight, okay buddy?" He grinned, showing off his teeth before scooting over next to Lexie so that Olivia could squish onto the queen size bed. The brunette pulled the covers around Ben and herself and snuggled up behind the little boy, sighing contently. "Just tonight."

"Love you," Ben murmured as he turned toward Olivia, burying his head against her chest as a hand clung to hers, his entire hand holding onto only two of her fingers.

"I love you too, Benjie."

"An' Lexie?"

"And Lexie," Olivia whispered as she pressed a kiss to his forehead. "Go to sleep sweet boy."

"An' Awntie Wexie?" His voice was now thick with sleep.

"And Auntie Lexie," Olivia confirmed, brushing back brown locks and kissing him once more as his body went still, content with Olivia's answer.


	8. Chapter 8

When Alex woke far too early in the morning for her liking, she was shocked to see another person in her bed, fast asleep with Ben holding on to her tightly. She blinked away her sleep and the haze in her mind seemed to clear as she recalled the events that occurred the night before.

Claire and Adam were dead.

Lexie and Ben were hers. Well, _theirs._

Olivia Benson. She repeated the name in her mind over and over again, wondering why it sounded somewhat familiar to her. As far as she could remember, neither Claire nor Adam had ever mentioned such a name. If she thought hard enough, she might guess that the nickname 'Liv' was used a couple of times which could very well be short for Olivia.

She watched the brunette in silence, her eyes wandering over her tanned skin, across her relaxed brow, and down to the thin line that her lips made while she slept. She was beautiful, in a tortured, haunted kind of way. The pockets underneath her closed eyes were deep and dark as if she hadn't slept for months. She didn't smile while she slept, instead her lips almost seemed to form a frown. Every now and then, her eyelids would twitch as if she were trying to push away a nightmare.

What was she doing? Alex pulled her eyes away from the woman in her bed. She was a stranger. A stranger that may have comforted her the night prior but that didn't change anything. As quietly as she could, she slipped out of the bed and picked up Lexie, rocking the baby in her arms as she slipped out of the bedroom and toward her office.

Once she was there, she held Lexie in one arm while her other moved her computer mouse until her monitor lit up. She logged on and quickly pulled up an internet search engine. She paused as she looked down at the keyboard before typing in 'Olivia Benson'.

She pressed enter and waited the few milliseconds it took to pull up any information on the stranger in her bed that it could. She scrolled through a few links before editing her search, adding in 'NYPD' at the end of her name.

This time, dozens and dozens of articles pulled up, all naming the detective as some sort of hero. She browsed through a few, reading about how she had saved dozens of lives, negotiated hostage situations, saved children at the risk of her own life, and wound up in the hospital far too many times.

She then clicked on the photos and was surprised to see the familiar brunette dressed in her dark uniform, cap on perfectly, face straight, never showing any emotion. She scrolled through a few of Olivia at a crime scene that a newspaper must've taken. She paused at one in particular where a blue tarp was being held up, large enough to hide a small body from prying eyes, and Olivia was bent down looking at it. She had one hand in her hair, the other supporting herself on her knee as she kneeled down. Her face was grim and Alex could only imagine what was beneath that.

"Lexie? Alex? Alex!" Alex almost hit the ceiling as she jumped out of her chair, immediately pressing the 'X' in the top right hand corner. A second later, a frantic looking Olivia appeared in the doorway with a sleepy Ben clinging around her neck. "Oh thank god," Olivia gasped as she held a hand to her chest.

"I—I'm sorry I was checking some emails?" Her sentence came out more as a question and she wasn't sure why she was trying to justify herself to Olivia when she was in her own house.

"It's okay, I just…I woke up and you and Lexie were gone and Ben was mumbling your name."

"Oh Ben, I'm right here," Alex whispered as she walked over to the boy, still supporting Lexie in one arm. He blinked a couple of times before looking at her and giggling. "What are you laughing at, silly?"

Ben giggled again and pointed down at Alex's legs. Olivia quickly averted her gaze as Alex glanced down. "Auntie Lexie, no pants!"

Alex blushed profusely as she realized she was still wearing nothing more than a pair of underwear and one of Adam's shirts since Olivia had helped her into bed before she could finish changing. Her eyes widened and her blush deepened as she thought of the detective seeing her that way, not to mention _holding_ her while she was still in her underwear.

"Cra—ckers, I need to get dressed," Alex corrected as she rushed out of the room, Lexie still burrowed against her chest. Olivia couldn't help but laugh as she watched the red cheeked woman rush out of the room as if it was on fire. She wasn't about to remind Alex that she had already seen her like that last night.

A minute later, Alex returned in a pair of shorts, holding Lexie a foot away from her body. Olivia watched her curiously as Alex set the little girl down on a bed and lifted up the edge of her diaper a little bit. "Oh my gosh how does one little girl make that much…goop."

Olivia stifled a laugh as she set Ben down on the ground. "Why don't you go grab Ellie, okay Ben?" The little boy nodded and scrambled off into the bedroom. She walked over to the foot of Alex's bed where she left the diaper bag and cleaning supplies for Lexie and carried it over to the mattress.

"You're going to need these," Olivia stated as she gestured to the bag. She pulled out the blanket that she used the night before and set it down on the bed. "Put her on top of this because it's easier to wash then your comforter cover if something spills."

Alex grimaced slightly as she picked of Lexie and placed her down on the blanket before looking back at Olivia attentively. "First, you'll have to take it off and clean her with wipes. It typically helps if you use the diaper to clean up most of it so that you don't use a hundred wipes like I did the first time."

Alex grinned slightly as she pulled off the sticky straps and tried to wipe up as much as she could. Olivia walked over to her and placed a hand on top of Alex's, guiding it to Lexie's legs. She wrapped her hand around Alex's which were now around Lexie's legs and pulled them up into the air so that the little girl was easier to clean.

"Oh god, it smells," Alex gasped as she turned her head toward Olivia, inadvertently burying her head against the brunette's neck as a form of relief.

"Better get used to it, Alex. This isn't half bad," She teased as she grabbed a wipe and explained to Alex the proper way to do it. Alex followed her lead and managed to use a dozen more wipes before she was satisfied that Lexie was properly cleaned. She adjusted the diaper beneath the little girl, causing her to giggle.

Once Lexie was placed properly, she folded up the diaper and fastened the straps around the girl's waist. "There, see? Good as new." Olivia picked up Lexie while Alex went and washed her hands. When the blonde returned, she handed over the little girl.

Alex tried to resist the urge to smile as she picked up her now clean niece. She changed Lexie's diaper. It gave her a glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, she could do this…with Olivia's help. She turned to the brunette as she brought Lexie upright and leaned her against her shoulder. "Thank you, Olivia."

"You teach me, I teach you," Olivia replied with a shrug. "Now I think someone might be hungry." Olivia pointed behind them where Ben sat on the floor with his elephant, making it move around with his hand.

"Cwunch, cwunch! Aunie Awwie, cap'n cwunch!" Ben cried out as he tossed Ellie up and then caught her. Alex used her free hand to cover her mouth as she leaned up against the door frame, trying to keep her emotions in check. Ben had called her Auntie Allie before even though it wasn't necessarily common. He liked to call her Auntie Lexie because he said it was like he was talking to his sister and her at the same time.

"Well I guess it's a good thing your Auntie Lexie told me to buy you Captain Crunch, isn't it?" Olivia questioned as she walked over to him. "How about we go get you a bowl of cereal?"

"Yes!" Ben hopped up and ran toward Alex's kitchen, immediately pulling at one of her bar stool chairs which resided against her island.

"Hey Benjie, I think that might be a little too high for you," Olivia called as she watched him struggle for a second before scooping him up and propping him on her hip. She glanced over at Alex who slowly made her way into the kitchen with Lexie in her arms. "I think we might need a table."

Alex nodded numbly as she watched Olivia move flawlessly around her kitchen, pulling out a plastic bowl and spoon that she had bought the night before. She somehow managed to open up the box of cereal with one hand and poured a little into the bowl before grabbing Ben's soymilk. She poured a little in, earning a squeal from him.

"Too much, Auntie Livia!" Olivia smiled and set the carton back down. "Muhbe lil more?" Olivia's grin grew as she poured a little more in before setting it back down. She slid the bowl over to the island chair and hesitantly placed Ben in it, testing to make sure that he could stay upright in the higher chair.

"Are you okay here Ben? You're not going to fall?" He shook his head furiously, causing his slightly longer messy brown locks to spread out across his head. "Okay, be careful and don't spill on Auntie Lexie's table." She brushed the hair out of his eyes, mentally noting that he'd need a haircut soon.

"Should we feed Lexie?" Olivia nodded as she walked over to the counter and prepared some baby cereal and formula that she knew Claire had been feeding Lexie. She brought it over to the table next to Ben and nodded at Alex to sit down.

The blonde hesitantly sat on the stool with Lexie still in her arms as Olivia picked up a small spoon full. "Lexie, what's this!" Olivia exclaimed as she wiggled the spoon. Wide blue eyes turned to her and she opened up her mouth a little. "Here comes the airplane, brrrm brrrm." Lexie giggled and opened and closed her mouth a few times before Olivia stuck the spoon in. The little girl used her lips to pull the contents off of the spoon and Olivia pulled it out of her mouth.

"That sounds more like a car than an airplane," Alex teased as she watched Olivia scoop up another spoon.

"Do you want to do it?" Olivia's tone was light and playful as she raised an eyebrow at the blonde. "I'd love to hear you make airplane sounds."

Alex smirked as she took the full spoon and held it out to Lexie. "Here comes the _real_ airplane, Lexie, pfooo." She wiggled it around before putting it in a giggling mouth.

"Pfoo?" Olivia teased as Alex handed the spoon back over. She scooped a bit more before glancing over at Ben. "Benjie, slow down buddy. Your food isn't going anywhere, okay?" Ben nodded as he stuck another shaking spoonful into his mouth, spilling soymilk down his shirt.

Both women chuckled as Alex fed Lexie again and Olivia sought out a napkin so she could wipe up Ben before he was drenched in milk. Olivia grinned as she watched Alex continue to feed Lexie, making odd sounds. "Pfoo! Poof!"

"Your airplane sounds like Benjie in the bathroom," Olivia teased, causing Ben to spit his cereal back into his bowl.

"Hey!" He cried out, looking at Olivia. "Auntie Livia!"

Both women laughed as Olivia used the napkin to wipe up the small dribble on his chin. "It does not," Alex stated as she glared at the brunette even though she couldn't seriously be offended after seeing Ben spit milk everywhere. "She likes it! See? Lexie here comes the motorcycle, brrrrrp brrrp." Alex moved the spoon up and down as if it were doing jumps on a dirt mound and Olivia watched precariously as the food sloshed on the spoon.

A second before it could reach Lexie's mouth, however, it slopped over the spoon and splashed down on Alex's shirt and arm. "Ah!" She cried out as she dropped the spoon back onto the table while Olivia and Ben burst out in laughter. Alex tried to glare at the detective as she picked up Lexie and held her out so that she could clean off the baby food on her clothes now.

"Auntie Lexie spill!"

Olivia finally managed to reel in her laughter and took Lexie while Alex cleaned herself up. "Oh gosh, Alex that was priceless. I wish I could've caught that on video!"

"Ha ha, very funny," Alex mumbled as she rolled her eyes. "America's funniest video…"

"Would've won." Alex's gaze flickered at Olivia as she propped Lexie on her island while she dabbed at the remaining milk on her shirt. "Hey, at least it isn't real breast milk."

"Ha ha…"

Olivia grinned as she grabbed onto Ben's empty bowl. "Alright buddy now that we've had our fun laughing at your Auntie Lexie, why don't we go get dressed? Go grab the clothes that I left in the bag on the floor." He nodded and scurried off toward the spare bedroom while Olivia scooped Lexie off of the table and propped her on her shoulder.

"Are you going to be okay if we swing by their place today?" Olivia asked hesitantly as she watched the blonde's face fall.

"I don't really have a choice, do I?"

Olivia shrugged. "I could do it for you if you want. You could wait in the car with the kids while I gathered everything Ben and Lexie would need." Alex pursed her lips as she considered the offer. As much as she didn't want to go into their house, she knew she had to. She needed closure. She needed to say goodbye to a life that she was once a part of and most importantly, she needed to have that talk with Ben.

"I can do it."

Olivia dropped Ben's bowl and spoon into the sink before turning back to the blonde and pausing. "That's not what I asked, Alex." The blonde raised an eyebrow as she looked at her. "I asked if you would be okay."

Alex shook her head. "No. No I'm not going to be okay as I walk through my brother's house and take everything that once belonged to him and his wife. No I'm not going to be okay when I bring everything they owned into my own house. No I'm not going to be okay when I sit Ben down and try to clarify what some paid therapist tried to explain to him. And no, I don't think I ever will be okay with it because they already suggested that Ben start seeing a therapist and that I should too."

She shook her head as she turned away from Olivia, trying to gather her bearings. "So no, Olivia, I'm not okay and I don't know if I ever will be but I have to be. For the sake of those two beautiful children who have had their entire world ripped from them."

The detective bit her lip as she slowly walked over to Alex. When she was sure Alex wasn't going to break down, she used her free hand to touch Alex's shoulder. "You don't have to be okay, Alex. We're in this together, remember?" The blonde turned around slowly, wiping away a tear that had yet to fall. She smiled down at the little blonde in Olivia's arms.

"Sometimes you can be okay and other times I can. Sometimes you can be sad and sometimes I can. Together, Alex, no matter how much you don't like me and don't want me here, I will be here no matter what. I love them just as much as you do, no more, no less."

Alex smiled sadly as she met warm brown eyes. "Why are you so kind to me when I've been nothing but a cold hearted bitch?"

"Because you're mourning, Alex. You're angry and sad and upset and right now you hate anyone who thinks they understand what you're going through and that's okay. You're mad at me for not being able to save them. You're mad at yourself for the same reason. You're angry at the world because you think this is so unfair and maybe you even wish that it was you instead of them."

Blue eyes looked away, staring intently at the ground, confirming Olivia's last thought. "I wished the same thing, Alex, but we're here. We're here and Ben and Lexie are here and they need us to be the parents that we never thought we could be."

Alex closed her eyes and took a deep, stabilizing breath. "We'll need to pull the spare bed from storage so that you have a place to sleep. We can put my desk in storage if you'd like more room unless you'd like to keep the desk. We'll have to move Lexie's crib into my room and I don't know how well Ben will be able to sleep in a room on his own so he might need to sleep with one of us. I'll look into a therapist for him, the best for children of course, and maybe one for the both of us. We'll also have to go to their house and collect all of Ben and Lexie's belongings. I don't think they should be there though, I don't think my heart could take it. We might just have to take turns with them while the other goes through the house."

Olivia pressed a kiss to Lexie's forehead as she watched the blonde return to what seemed normal for her. She stopped Alex's pacing and held out Lexie, who she readily accepted her with open arms. She pulled the little girl close, kissing her forehead much like Olivia had done. "We'll need to find her pediatrician and make an appointment so that we can learn everything we need to know about her development, growth, and eating habits."

When Alex started pacing yet again, Olivia gently grabbed onto her upper arm. "Alex." The ADA paused, looking up at Olivia as her eyes flickered back and forth between brown ones. "One step at a time, okay?" She could merely nod.

One step at a time.


	9. Chapter 9

In a matter of three days, the bed had been moved into Alex's spare room, Claire and Adam's apartment had been emptied, a kitchen table was now present, the apartment was virtually childproof, a pediatrician had been consulted, and appointments had been made for three of the four, not including Olivia who claimed she could handle things on her own.

But despite three days passing, Alex still didn't feel comfortable in her now daily routine. Waking up typically once a night but sometimes up to five times a night was not what she expected in her late twenties—especially since she hadn't even found a significant other. But now, well now she was stuck with a semi-stranger in her house—she had warmed up to Olivia after talking to some fellow lawyers and defense attorneys who were familiar with Olivia and said nothing but good things—and two kids that she loved more than anything and yet she still couldn't provide for them in the most basic of ways.

Since their first struggling night, they had fallen into a mostly stable routine. Alex slept in her bedroom, Olivia in the spare, Lexie in her crib next to Alex's bed, and Ben would gravitate between both of their beds, never staying in his for more than four hours a night. Alex knew that she probably should've taken him back to his own bed when he wandered into her room in the early hours but his sleepy face, messy brown locks, and quirked smile always caused her to open up her arms and beckon the boy to her.

While the women got along a lot better after coming to a sort of mutual understanding, they were still at odds with each other at times. Sometimes Olivia would let Ben stay up past his bedtime so that they could watch TV which Alex found rather annoying. Other times, Alex would be at wits' end, ready to explode when Ben spilled something or Olivia left her jacket on couch or Lexie cried a little too loudly at night when Alex had just managed to fall asleep but the detective tried to avoid conflict as much as she could. She made sure to pick up all of her belongings and keep everything confined to her room and there had even been a few occasions where she hid one of Ben's spilling accidents from Alex. She had also started to set an alarm for early mornings so that she could stop Lexie's cries before they began.

But somehow, tonight seemed to be one of those rare moments where everyone worked in harmony. Olivia was sitting on the couch with Ben sitting next to her with wide eyes and a blanket spread across their laps as they watched a cartoon—educational as per Alex's request. Alex was bathing Lexie and preparing her for bed, something that she had picked up how to do yesterday with far too many google searches before she caved and requested Olivia's help.

"There we go, you're all fresh and clean now darling!" Olivia glanced over the edge of the couch and smiled when she saw Alex holding up Lexie, smiling at the little girl. Her eyes slowly dragged down the blonde's body, something that she found herself doing more often than not for some reason. She grinned as she caught sight of the large wet spot in Alex's shirt that had dripped down to her jean-clad thighs, leaving the denim a darker shade of blue.

"You look like you got a bath as well," Olivia quipped as she ruffled up Ben's hair, his eyes never shifting off of the TV.

"Yeah…" Alex frowned as she looked down at her own attire before stopping next to Olivia. "That's why I'm giving you this little one," She said as she placed Lexie in Olivia's lap, "So that I can get out of my wet clothes and get myself ready for bed."

"Hey sweetie, are you going to watch TV with your Auntie Olivia and your brother?" Olivia smiled wide as she propped the girl up in her lap so that her head was resting against her chest. Lexie's gaze immediately zoned in on the TV before she let out a giggle, clapping her hands together.

Twenty minutes later, a wet-haired blonde reappeared in the living room, padding lightly toward the crowded couch. "It's someone's bedtime," Alex stated as she walked in front of Ben, blocking his view of the show.

An amused grin immediately turned upside down. "Auntie Lexie! I'm watching TV!"

She rolled her eyes as she glanced over at Olivia for some help even though she knew that the brunette was an advocate for stretching the strict bedtime rule. Olivia made eye contact with her for a second before pursing her lips. "Your Auntie Lexie is right, Ben. It's bedtime buddy."

Both women almost broke out in laughter when they watched as Ben's eyes widened in surprise. "You know what, ten more minutes won't hurt," Alex said with a shrug. If it were possible, Ben's eyes would've gone wider, much like Olivia's.

The detective raised an eyebrow but the blonde merely smiled in response. "Come on, Olivia, move over so that I can join you guys."

"I wanna sit on your lap!" Alex acquiesced and sat down in Ben's spot after he jumped up, only to crawl back into her lap. The two women sat shoulder to shoulder, both smiling at the small act of normalcy that came from watching TV together—as a family.

Ten minutes turned into fifteen, Alex's head started to tilt toward Olivia, fifteen turned into twenty, and somehow Alex's head migrated to Olivia's shoulder, the blonde now fast asleep. She smiled as she turned off the TV, noting that both Ben and Lexie were on the verge of sleep as well. Oddly enough, she felt tired as well despite it only being 8:30 at night, almost thirty minutes past Ben's bedtime.

Olivia couldn't help herself as she reached for her phone, unlocking it so that she could take a picture of them all together. Before she could, however, she paused to open up a recent text message.

 _Drinks tonight? On me since I'm missing my partner more than Fin & Munch. –ES _

Olivia rolled her eyes as she opened up the attached picture of Elliot with wide eyes and a surprised face, Fin glaring at the camera behind him, and Munch looking oddly stoic, all of them at her desk, of course. As much as she would love to spend an evening out with the boys like usual, she didn't necessarily want to leave. She rationalized with herself that Alex would be upset and that she hadn't cleared it with the blonde earlier.

 _Sorry, no can do El. I'm on baby duty for the night. I have two sleepy kids on the couch that need to migrate to beds. How do you do it with all twenty of yours?_

She quickly turned her phone around and snapped a picture of them all even though the room hardly provided enough lighting to show their faces—it was the memory that mattered.

 _What happened to Mommy #2? And I have Kathy._

Mommy number two…Olivia didn't mind the sound of 'mommy' although she had never thought of herself being called mommy. Then again she hadn't really given any thought to that despite wanting kids.

 _She's asleep next to me as well. Can I borrow Kathy?_

 _Not a chance, I need her too much. You can carry the kids to bed but she might be a bit more difficult…hey it can be your exercise for the day since you're no longer chasing down suspects with me!_

Olivia rolled her eyes as she picked up Lexie and carried her into her own bedroom to change her diaper. Once she had a new one secure, she gave the little girl a kiss before setting her into her crib. Next came Ben who went down without a struggle since he was exhausted. She returned to the living room only to stare at Alex for a few seconds, considering Elliot's suggestion.

She shrugged it off, guessing that it'd probably result in Alex screaming and flailing around in her arms before falling flat on her ass. "Alex. Alex, time to wake up," Olivia whispered as she kneeled in front of her, a hand gently running up and down the blonde's knee. "Alex, your neck is going to hurt in the morning."

"Hmm?" Alex groaned as her head rolled to the side a hand coming up to prop up her head.

"Come on, bedtime. Apparently the bed time is really for _you_ and not Ben."

"Ha…ha…" Olivia smirked at the sleepy blonde, so much like Ben when he's tired. "Help me up." Olivia obliged, pulling the blonde up off of the couch and walking with her down the hallway to her bedroom. Once she was sure that Alex wasn't going to fall asleep in an unconventional place, she returned to her own bedroom.

After setting her alarm for two am so that she could check in on Lexie so that her cries wouldn't wake Alex, she opened up her text messages once more.

 _Two kids and a mom now in their respective beds. I only had to carry the kids—Alex somehow managed to sleep walk to bed._

She settled into her bed, pulling the covers up as she closed her eyes, only to be interrupted by a buzz.

 _You're a great mom, Liv, and I'm sure you're just as great of a "partner" to Alex even though you owe her nothing. She's lucky to have you._

Olivia smiled as she locked her phone and cuddled up against her pillow, sighing contently. _No,_ she thought, _we're both lucky to have each other._


	10. Chapter 10

When Alex arrived home after her morning jog, which she barely managed to sneak in after asking Olivia, she was surprised that it was completely silent in the entire house. She hesitantly pulled her headphones out of her ears and placed it with her phone on the kitchen table before walking down the hallway.

Normally at seven in the morning, she'd find Ben sitting in the kitchen eating his cereal while Olivia cooked something for both of them. It was a routine that she had gotten relatively used to over the last two weeks living with Olivia so something definitely seemed off.

"Liv?" Alex smiled slightly at the usage of the brunette's new nickname. A few days prior, Alex had finally asked Olivia if she was the 'Liv' that Adam and Claire always mentioned. Olivia had confirmed that it was and welcomed Alex to use the nickname as well.

When no response came, the blonde felt her stomach churn as she headed toward the brunette's bedroom, peeking in only to see nothing. "Olivia? Are you here?" She turned away from Olivia's room only to see the bathroom door shut.

"In here, I just…need a moment." Alex frowned at the shakiness of the brunette's voice, something that she had never heard before.

"Are you okay?" She questioned, standing outside the door.

"Yeah, just need a minute." Alex pursed her lips before walking down the hallway to Ben's room to check in on him. He was sitting in the corner of the room, facing away from Alex and toward the wall with his hands propping up his head.

"Ben, what are you doing buddy?" She walked into the room when the little boy didn't turn around. "Benjie, what's going on?" She looked toward his face, only to see tears streaming down his cheeks. "Ben?" She immediately sat down next to him, wrapping an arm around his little back.

"I'm sow—hu—wy," He hiccupped out as he leaned against Alex, squishing his eyes together and allowing a few tears to splash down on her bare legs.

"What are you sorry for Ben? Did something happen with Auntie Olivia?" Ben shrugged as he snuggled closer to Alex. "Ben, you need to use your words."

"I—hu—I said she—hu—she's not my—hu—mom." The blonde's eyes widened as she rubbed his back soothingly, trying to calm him down.

"She's your aunt, Ben. Why would you say that?"

He took a deep breath, his little body shaking. "I—hu—din' want to dress. She—hu—said good boys dress but I din' want to. She said—hu—that I get timeout like mom use'ta do."

Alex bit her lip, finally making sense of what must have occurred. Olivia must've been trying to get Ben to get dressed for the day but sometimes he was stubborn in the morning. Threatening to put him in the time out must've reminded him of Claire which set off his anger, subsequently yelling at Olivia that she wasn't his mom.

"Oh Ben, that's okay. I'm sure your Auntie Olivia will forgive you if you tell her you're sorry for yelling at her." She continued rubbing the little boys back, wondering if she should go check on the detective who was still locked in the bathroom.

"I sowwy," He cried out as he stood up. "I go say sowwy?"

"How about I go talk to Olivia first and then you can say you're sorry?" Ben nodded as he walked over to the door and peered out, looking for Olivia but not moving. "Why don't you go see if Lexie is sleeping?" He nodded and looked around once more before walking to her bedroom.

Alex stood up and sighed as she walked over to the bathroom, knocking gently on the door. "Liv? I talked to Ben." When no reply came, she leaned against the door, figuring it might take a few minutes. "Can I please come in? Ben said he wants to apologize."

"It's okay, Alex, I'm fine," Olivia mumbled through the door, her voice still not as confident as it normally was.

"If you're so fine, let me in then." No reply. Alex sighed as she closed her eyes. "I'd be upset too, you know…if he said that to me. I always figured that someday he'd consider us some form of parents, maybe even call us mommy and mama…He was upset, Liv, and he's been making progress in therapy but he's still having trouble with letting go of his parents which is reasonable. Dr. Marks said that it might take him a half a year before he fully understands that we're now his parents, maybe even years before he starts considering us his new guardians."

The door lock made a clicking sound before the door opened, causing the blonde to tumble backwards for a moment, only to be grabbed by Olivia who steadied her again. "Sorry, I didn't know you were leaning against the door."

Alex grabbed onto the door frame and pulled herself upright, finally turning to see the brunette who had red eyes but no traces of tears. "It's okay."

"I just—I know I'll never be Claire or even Adam but he seems to be so much better with you sometimes. He's never said something like that to you. Why am I different? Why doesn't he love me as much as he loves you?" Chocolate eyes fell to the floor. "I feel so ridiculous, trying to rationalize why a kid doesn't love me."

"Hey, don't say that," Alex countered as she placed a hand on Olivia's arm, rubbing there soothingly. "He loves you, Liv. Don't you ever see how he looks at you in awe when you do something that I can't? Like yesterday when you unclogged the toilet after Ben put way too much toilet paper in it. He thought it was the most exciting thing ever. That little boy idolizes you."

Olivia shrugged as she leaned against the counter. "I'm being stupid, I know, I just…I'm not used to this. I used to want kids. I used to think that someday I'd get married and settle down, have a few kids and do the whole stay at home mom thing for a bit before going back to being a detective but now…I love them, I do, and I wouldn't want anyone else to be caring for them but I'm afraid that I'm not what they need. What if one morning Ben wakes up and doesn't want me anymore? What if you become mommy and I forever stay Auntie Livia? It's not that I have a problem with being called his aunt, I—I don't even know how to say this."

"You want to be my equal in this relationship," Alex offered up, knowing just what the brunette was trying to say. She too had the same thoughts rather often. Sometimes she worried the same thing, that Ben loved Olivia more than her. Olivia was the 'cool' parent so to speak. She would allow Ben to stay up and she would tell him about being a detective. She was the exciting aunt that chased bad guys and arrested them. She was just the aunt that did paperwork in an office, according to him.

"Yeah." Olivia pursed her lips as she finally looked up at the blonde. "I think I like you a lot more than I thought I would." Alex laughed wholeheartedly, a glorious sound that Olivia had yet to be acquainted with. She smiled, too, surprised at how relaxed the blonde seemed.

"Why thank you, Olivia. Glad to know I exceeded your expectations…however low they may have been." Alex grinned at the detective. "Come on, why don't you go have a little talk when Ben? He told me he was really sorry and wanted to apologize to you. I asked him to go check in on Lexie so he's probably watching her sleep right now."

Olivia smiled wide at the thought of Ben watching his sister. "He's so cute when he does that." There had been countless times where they found him watching over his little sister, standing next to her crib, never once trying to wake her up. Sometimes he would stand and watch her, other times her would drag Ellie the elephant into the room with him and sit down. Once she had caught him talking to Lexie very quietly, telling her a story about two queens, a prince, and a princess.

When they arrived at the room, Alex gave the brunette a reassuring smile before leaving for the bathroom so that she could wash off her sweaty body. "Hey Benjie," Olivia whispered, the little boy immediately spinning around.

He paused for a second, looking at her before running full speed at her, throwing his little arms around her legs. "I'm so sowwy Auntie Livia! I din' mean it. I love you lots and lots, more than Ellie." Olivia sighed in relief as she somehow managed to pry the boy off of her in order to pick him up and carry him out of the room.

His little arms wrapped tightly around her neck and he buried his head against her neck. "I love you Auntie Livia."

"I love you, too, Benjie," She whispered as she buried her nose in his messy brown locks. "I love you so so much buddy." They stayed like that for a few minutes, Olivia holding the little boy close as she leaned against the wall just soaking up all the love that radiated from him.

It was then that she realized how much she missed the intimacy that two people could share through a simple hug. She couldn't remember a time when her mother ever held her in such a manner. All she knew was that she would be a better mom for Ben than her mom was for her.

"Okay buddy, how about you go to the kitchen so we can make you some breakfast?" She lowered the boy to the ground before he nodded vigorously.

"I'll even dress! Like a big boy!" Olivia grinned as she messed up his hair before he ran off to his room.

She stood there for a few moments, thinking about what had just transpired. At first she couldn't quite pinpoint why Ben's comments had affected her so much but Alex seemed to shed some light on that. But what Alex didn't know about the inner turmoil she was dealing with.

She had echoed those very same words to her mother once upon a time, telling her that she'd never be the mother she was supposed to be. She wondered if her mother had felt as distraught as her; she certainly didn't show it when she grabbed a bottle of vodka and left the house. But then again, maybe drinking herself to death was her way of dealing with not being the mother she was supposed to be.

The detective sighed as she closed her eyes, wondering if someday she'd go down that path too. She knew this whole situation was hard on Ben and Alex, but she didn't realize how hard it had hit her within the last hour. She was a mother, albeit untraditionally, and she was tasked with caring for Ben and Lexie like they had come from her womb.

Would she be able to do it? Or would she turn into her mother, turning to the bottle instead, isolating herself from the ones she loved?

The drop in her stomach caused her to push off the wall before seeking out Alex who was just stepping out of the shower. The blonde paused before entering her bedroom, eyeing Olivia for a second who was still standing in her room. "Is everything okay?" Alex questioned as she regarded the detective curiously before walking into the room, completely ignoring the fact that she was wrapped up in only a towel.

Olivia bit her lip, before looking up at Alex. Seeing the look of concern on the blonde's face gave her the courage to bite the bullet. "I think I should start seeing Dr. Marks."


	11. Chapter 11

Alex paced the room with a renewed fervor and Olivia watched her, wondering if she'd wear a hole in the floor. The blonde had arrived home minutes ago from an unexpected appointment with Dr. Marks and Olivia had figured something was up. So in an attempt to comfort her, she had made dinner for them all, making sure that it would be ready exactly when Alex came home.

Instead, an hour turned into two and after three ignored phone calls, Olivia began to worry. It wasn't the first time that a session with Dr. Marks had gone over, however it wasn't typically Alex's sessions that did. Most of the time they would text each other through the session anyway, just to make sure that the children were okay and that everything was still in order which only served to make the detective more concerned.

So after Ben ate and Olivia held off, food migrated to the fridge and Olivia put down the children. Now one hour turned into three and the brunette was finally able to sigh a breath a relief when she heard keys in the door.

But her relief only lasted momentarily, at least until she laid eyes on the distressed woman in front of her. She had asked her what was going on, trying to figure out what had taken so long only to find out that those three hours were used completely by Dr. Marks.

Her worry began to build when Alex started yelling at her, leaning in on her about various things such as laundry and feeding Lexie. The detective barely managed to catch half of what Alex was saying as she continued yelled frantically at a very confused Olivia.

Finally Alex stopped pacing, turning to look directly at Olivia.

"I need you to talk to me, Olivia. _Me._ I'm your partner, not Dr. Marks." Blue eyes were pleading without the owner knowing, various stages of hurt present.

Her words caught a very silent Olivia—up until right now at least—completely off guard. "What?"

Alex sighed in frustration as she ran her hands through her hair, huffing angrily. "You know just what I'm talking about! You've been seeing him for how long now? Three weeks? And yet you won't ever talk to me about what goes on in your sessions! I've opened up to you, Olivia. I've been courteous enough to tell you when something is wrong and we've resolved it together.

"This," She gestured between the two of them, "can't be one sided. This needs to be a give and take relationship. I trust you, Olivia. I have extended that courtesy to you but I can't keep going on like this if you won't do the same for me."

Olivia bit her lip as she listened to Alex, more intently now since this directly affected her and wasn't just another one of Alex's random rants when she was stressed out. "Alex, I…I trust you. Where did this come from?"

The blonde shook her head as she started pacing once more before stopping in front of the couch, gripping onto the back of the couch. "I asked Dr. Marks what you two talk about and his answer was 'you'. When I'm with him I talk about Claire and Adam and Ben and Lexie and you but never one specifically. So what is it? What is so wrong with me that you have to talk to him instead of me?"

"There is nothing wrong with you, Alex, I just—"

"Don't," Alex snapped as her knuckles turned white around the back of the couch. "Don't you dare lie to me. Extend me the courtesy that I have extended you and at least be honest with me!" Her body began to shake, her breathing coming out fast and unsteady.

Instead of responding, Olivia walked over to the blonde and placed her hands gently on the backs of Alex's arms. "Don't touch me," She snapped as she jerked away from the detective, still maintaining her grip around the couch.

"Alex, stop. Relax, please," Olivia requested as she returned her hands to the blonde's arms, rubbing there soothingly before placing her hands on top of clenched ones. She slipped her fingers in between Alex's before gently pulling up, prying her pale fingers off of the couch. "Relax, sweetie. Take a deep breath for me, in and out."

Olivia had to wait a few seconds before she heard the ADA inhale deeply, holding it for a moment before releasing it. "Again."

Unsteadily, Alex took in another deep breath. "I can't…my chest hurts…"

"Okay, shh, focus on your breathing. Everything is okay, Alex. There is nothing wrong with you. I know it feels like everything is spiraling out of control right now but it isn't. Everything is just fine. There's food in the fridge for you from dinner and Ben and Lexie are fast asleep."

The detective gently lifted Alex's hands off of the couch and turned her around slowly. "Hey, over here, focus on me, okay? Just look at me, Alex." Blue eyes slowly rose up to meet concerned brown orbs. "There we go, focus on your breathing now, okay? Deep breath in and hold it for a few seconds."

"I…"

"I know it hurts," Olivia interjected as she carefully placed her hands on Alex's sides before moving them to her back. She hesitantly pulled the blonde to her, pressing their bodies close together when Alex didn't fight it. She wrapped her arms loosely around a shaking frame. "Deep breath in, Alex. Deep breath out. Just like me, okay? Focus on my breathing." Olivia paused for a moment to grab onto the blonde's hand, guiding it to her chest. She placed in the center of her ribs and inhaled deeply. "Focus on the feeling of me breathing. Inhale just like me."

After a few minutes, Alex's breathing finally steadied out although the blonde was still clearly distressed. She stayed against the brunette, despite her rational brain telling her to get away from her as fast as she could; Olivia had the power to ruin her. Instead, she stayed close, satisfying every nerve ending in her body that craved the touch of someone else, something that she had been neglected of for far too long.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me," Alex murmured as she finally tried to pull away from Olivia, only to be held securely in place. She decided not to fight against the brunette and simply reveled in the feeling of being held so intimately by someone who obviously cared about her.

"You had a panic attack," Olivia whispered as she soothingly rubbed her hand up and down the blonde's back. "A pretty bad one at that. I know you've been stressed out and I'm so sorry that I contributed to what just happened but I need you to know that when I talk about you, it's not in a bad way.

"We're both new to this whole…experience and like you said, you're my partner in this. I've been having trouble trusting you because I've never trusted someone in my life before in such a manner, not even with partner at work and we've known each other for quite a few years.

"I've never relied so completely on someone else and it scares me sometimes. It scares me to think that I can have this sort of relationship with someone like you through force. I don't ever want to force anyone into something that they don't want and I know Claire and Adam didn't really give us much of a choice but I want you to have some sort of control."

"So talking to me?"

"I didn't want to put that all on you, Alex. You have enough on your plate already. You've been such a great mother for Benjie and Lexie and I know it kills you sometimes especially when Ben throws one of his tantrums and misses his parents. You've never once lashed out at him and told him to get over it like others would've. You're the parent to them that I wish I could be."

Alex finally let out a sigh that seemed to be a cross of contentment and relief. "Sometimes you're a better parent than me, Olivia. You're so patient and kind with them both, and me too. You've been my knight with diaper bags through this all and I have no clue how you manage with me yelling at you all the time and pulling shit like this."

"This isn't your fault," Olivia assured her as she finally allowed Alex to move away from her. She kept her hands around the blonde's arms, keeping her at arm's length so that she could look her in the eye. "We're both stressed, we just have different ways of coping with it. Those nights when I lock myself in my room? I'm dealing with the same inner turmoil that you are and sometimes I wish that I could just talk to you about it and I love it when you open up to me at moments like now but I don't want to push my burdens on top of yours."

Alex sighed as she closed her eyes for a moment. "We're supposed to be in this together, Liv. I want you to trust me. I want you to talk to me and open up. Tell me when you're feeling stressed out so that I can provide you with the same comfort that you provide me. I want to be partners with you in this. I want to be partners in every sense of the word."

Olivia couldn't hold back her smirk, hoping her comment would sound light-hearted and would cheer up the blonde. " _Every_ sense of the word?"

Just as she expected, red lips broke out into a smile before a pale hand pushed her shoulder playfully. "God, you always know how to make me smile when I just want to cry."

That caused Olivia to break out in a real grin which she valiantly fought to keep under control. Without much thought, she pushed herself up on her toes, one hand grabbing onto the back of Alex's head. She pressed a firm kiss to the blonde's forehead. "That's what partners are for."


	12. Chapter 12

Returning to work turned out to be more of a disaster than either woman thought it would be. Initially, there was no need for either of them to work considering the large lump sum of money that was left to them to take care of the kids but as the days dragged on, both started to crave something more than changing diapers and feeding the kids.

So Olivia had returned to work and Alex had tried to as well, but neither felt comfortable enough leaving the kids with a babysitter, especially after Ben's breakdown. Olivia winced as she thought back to Ben crying out hysterically.

 _"_ _No! No, no, no, no, NO!" Ben cried as he stomped around the room, running from the young woman standing between Olivia and Alex._

 _"_ _Ben, stop that right now and come here," Alex demanded as she stared down the little boy, secretly practicing her court room glare in hopes of returning soon._

 _"_ _NO!" He stomped around a few more times before dodging Olivia's attempt to corral him._

 _"_ _Benjamin Tyler Dumont, you will stop this immediately and come here like a good boy," Olivia commanded, immediately stopping the boy dead in his tracks. He looked up at Olivia with wide eyes at the use of his full name._

 _He continued staring at Olivia for a few seconds before turning to Alex with pleading eyes. "Auntie Lexie…"_

 _"_ _You heard her, Ben," Alex replied as she glanced over to Olivia. The little boy pouted and walked over to Olivia very slowly._

 _"_ _Now introduce yourself, Ben." Instead, he frowned, refusing to say anything to the redhead. He eyed her up for a few seconds longer before plopping down onto the ground and crossing his arms over his chest. "Fine, if you don't want to introduce yourself, that's okay. We'll be going now," Olivia lied as she turned to Alex, trying to get her to play along._

 _They wouldn't actually leave Ben with a new babysitter without getting him comfortable with her but she figured that threatening to leave would provide him with some incentive to do as he was told. The blonde nodded and followed Olivia to the door, only to hear a hysterical cry._

 _"_ _NO! DON' LEAB ME!" Before Olivia could even touch the door handle, Ben was attached to her ankle, one hand grasping the back of Alex's calf. "PLEASE! I'm sorry! Don' leab me like mom n' daddy!"_

 _Oh. Both women were immediately overwhelmed with guilt as they tried to assure the boy that they would never leave him. Since Olivia couldn't kneel down, Alex crouched to Ben's height and tried to talk him into letting go of Olivia._

 _"_ _Benjie, buddy, we're not going to leave you, okay? We just want you to meet Ms. Hartford. She's really nice and has a nephew just about your age. Maybe you two can even have a playdate someday but you have to introduce yourself first, buddy. You have to meet new people," Alex tried to tell him, only to have him release Olivia's leg and jump into the blonde's arms._

 _"_ _But I have you n' Auntie Livia n' Lexie. I don' wanna meet anybody more." Ben pouted as he wrapped his little arms around Alex's neck and clung tightly to her as she stood up._

 _"_ _Even if she knows how to make yummy chocolate chip cookies?" Ben paused for a moment, eyeing up the redhead stranger in his house before turning back to Olivia._

 _"_ _Auntie Livia makes da bess cookies." Olivia chuckled as she walked over to Ben and rubbed his back._

 _"_ _Alright Benjie, how about you say hi to Ms. Hartford and then she'll leave." He nodded vigorously. "BUT, she will be coming back." That made him frown._

 _"_ _When she leabs will you make me cookies?" Olivia laughed before nodding. "Choc-lit chip?" She nodded again, causing him to drop down onto the ground before walking over hesitantly to Ms. Hartford._

 _"_ _Hi," He mumbled as he crossed his legs and fiddled with his hands._

 _"_ _Hi, Ben. How old are you?" She asked, clearly trying to engage the boy in conversation. He held up two fingers before looking toward Olivia. "My name is Ms. Hartford but you can call me Emily. Can you say that for me?"_

 _He looked back at her and pursed his lips. "Hi Emily." He ran back to Olivia and looked up at her expectantly. "Cookies now?"_

That had been the end to their first attempt at getting Ben used to a babysitter. They had even talked to Dr. Marks about it and he said it was normal for Ben to feel abandoned after his parents left and that it might take a year for him to become comfortable with being left alone, but even then not for long periods of time.

So they had compromised, and after much debating, Alex had agreed to let Olivia go back to work while she worked from home, mainly helping her coworkers prepare their court cases and organizing far too much paperwork for other ADAs. It worked well, at least until Olivia started falling back into her normal routine of working overtime and arriving home far too late for Alex's liking.

When Olivia arrived home at closer to midnight, she didn't expect Alex to be waiting for her on the couch, or at least attempting to wait for her. She set down her keys quietly and locked the door before silently trekking over to the passed out blonde.

She frowned as she circled the couch and saw the dark red stain on Alex's once white shirt illuminated from the lamp that was still on. Her cheek was squished by her hand which was propping up her head as she leaned into the couch, her legs partially sprawled out.

Brown eyes trailed down long legs, only pausing to come upon more red stains, only this time they looked more like dozens of small cuts lining pale legs. Olivia frowned as she kneeled down in front of Alex and ran her fingers across the red marks, trying to see if they were actually in flesh or on the surface. She felt the ridges underneath her fingers just as Alex jolted awake.

"Liv…" Alex rubbed her noticeably sunken in eyes, dark bags clinging underneath them.

"Hey, what happened to your legs?"

The blonde blinked a couple of times before rubbing her eyes. She immediately jerked away from the detective's touch and stood up, only to wobble a bit before steadying herself. "Well you'd know if you answered your damn phone," She spat out, her face set in stone.

"What?" Olivia blinked in confusion. "My phone died, sorry, I was out dealing with an investigation so I didn't have time to charge it. What happened, Alex? You look like hell."

"Gee thanks, you sure do know how to make a girl feel good about herself," Alex stated sarcastically as she turned away from Olivia and started to leave the room. "Next time don't even bother coming back here if you don't want to act like a damn family."

"Alex, wait, what?" Olivia stood up immediately and jogged after the blonde, catching her arm to turn her around. "I'm sorry I didn't answer my phone but that still doesn't explain why your legs are all cut up and your shirt is…stained."

The ADA pulled away from Olivia's touch like she was burned. "That would be _wine_ , Olivia. Maybe you'd know that if you answered your fu—" Alex huffed as she glanced back at Ben's partially closed door before lowering her voice. "Next time answer your fucking phone."

With wide eyes, Olivia stalked after Alex, following her into her bedroom. "Alex, I already told you my phone died! I'm sorry I was out all day but there was no way for me to charge it because I left the charger here."

The blonde scoffed before spinning around. "So what? You expect me to believe that you don't have an emergency charger at work in case you have to pull a double? Don't bullshit me, Olivia, I work with cops for a living. Lying assholes like you."

"Whoa, whoa, don't take this out on me," Olivia growled as she caught onto Alex's arm. "And those are my brothers and sisters that you're talking about so watch it."

"Or what? Going to arrest me and take the only parent those two children have?" Alex screamed out, this time not caring about her sound level as she pointed towards Ben's room.

Olivia took a step back in surprise, releasing her hold on Alex, as a look of hurt crossed her features. "The only parent those two have?" She whispered.

"Yes, the only damn parent those two have because you're too fucking busy with you job to care about them or me! You want to know what happened? Ben was crying because Lexie was crying and she wouldn't stop, all day long. So finally when she stopped and fell asleep I decided to pour myself a glass of wine to wind down a bit only to have Ben start crying again because his Auntie Olivia was never home anymore.

"Then he threw a temper tantrum like he always does when he doesn't get his way and started hitting me and I dropped the wine glass right next to him. Of course my only thought was to care for him just like that should be _your_ only thought so I dropped down onto my knees and picked him up. So that's why I have glass cuts all over my legs and wine all over my shirt and you would've know that if you just answered your fucking phone!"

Olivia bit her lip. "I'm sorry Alex but I don't know what you want from me."

"To be the fucking mother that you promised you would be!" Alex cried out, only to wake Lexie who emitted a high pitched scream. "God dammit." The blonde ran her hands through her hand and pulled in frustration.

"Hey, stop that." Olivia grabbed onto her hands and pried them away from blonde hair. "Alex, stop it, you're upsetting Lexie."

"Well I can't seem to do anything right, now can I?" Alex spat out as she pulled away from Olivia and walked over to Lexie, swaying only to steady herself on the crib.

"Alex." Olivia walked over to her and turned the blonde around before leaning closer to her until their faces were mere inches apart. Blue eyes widened as they took in concerned brown orbs. Olivia leaned in an inch closer, her eyes closing and she inhaled deeply before sighing. "God you smell like wine. How much did you drink?"

Alex immediately pulled out of Olivia's arms. "Don't you dare do this to me! Don't you dare accuse me of—of—you can go screw yourself! You're supposed to be my damn—whatever the hell you're supposed to be but instead you're too busy working to even care about me or them! So what I drank a couple glasses of wine. My—my partner in this relationship was too busy to answer her damn phone. You were too busy to care about me so can you blame me for wanting to drink?"

"Alright, you're going to bed," Olivia stated as she grabbed onto Alex's arms much like she would to a petulant child.

"Don't you touch me!" Alex cried out as she tried to pull out of Olivia's touch, only to have her push her down onto the bed as she stumbled to remain upright.

"Alex, stop it!" The brunette pinned her down against the bed and held her gaze. "You're making Lexie cry because you keep yelling! Now lie down and stop fighting me." Alex bit her lip as she tried to quell the anger rising in her as Olivia held her firmly against the bed. She stayed that way, unmoving and unspeaking until the brunette released her hold and walked over to Lexie, picking up the crying girl in an attempt to soothe her.

Alex stayed on the bed, watching Olivia calm down the little girl before she rolled over away from the brunette, burying her head into her pillow. She felt ridiculous, yelling at Olivia the way she did, but inside she was dying. She wasn't sure how much more of Ben's temper tantrums and Lexie's screaming she'd be able to handle until she cracked.

She didn't even have the effort to remove her wine covered blouse or take off her pencil skirt. Instead, she pulled her pillow tighter to her body and tried not to cry, a failed attempt at that. Minutes ticked by as Olivia hummed softly to Lexie, no doubt rocking the little girl soothingly as she did so. Somehow Olivia always seemed to know how to calm her down.

A few more minutes ticked by, or maybe it was hours, but Alex could hear her blood pounding in her head as her intoxicated state hit her and sinus pressure from crying increased. She could faintly hear Olivia whispering her name but her eyes were so heavy and she didn't want to move an inch.

The detective sighed as she watched over the blonde before walking over to her drawers and pulling out an oversized shirt. "Alex," She tried again, watching as the blonde pulled the pillow even tighter to her body. She took a deep breath before sitting down on the side of Alex's bed and searching for her zipper.

With a little bit of effort, she found it and pulled it down before guiding the wrinkled skirt down pale legs. She set it to the side before turning Alex onto her back gently. "Come on Alex, lean up for me so we can get you into something that doesn't smell like alcohol." The blonde weakly leaned up, just enough so that Olivia could unbutton her shirt and push it off of her shoulders while supporting her up.

With one hand keeping Alex's back steady, the other grabbed onto her shirt before guiding it over her head. It took a few attempts but she finally managed to pull the shirt over Alex's chest but not on her arms yet. She held the blonde against her as she unclasped her bra and pulled it down her shoulders while looking at the wall so that she wouldn't invade Alex's privacy.

With a bit more effort, she managed to get Alex's arms into the sleeves of the shirt before pulling it down around her waist. The half-asleep blonde collapsed back onto the mattress, moaning softly as she pulled the pillow back to her body.

Olivia ran a hand through her hair as she examined Alex before pulling her phone out. She sent a quick text to Elliot and Cragen telling them that she wouldn't be going in to work tomorrow before pocketing her phone once more. "I'm sor—sorry."

Olivia paused as she glanced back at the shaking body. She sat down on the edge of the bed and ran her hand soothingly across her back. "It's okay, Alex. Just go to sleep. I promise you'll feel much better in the morning."

"Sorry," Alex mumbled once more, her body twitching slightly before stilling again. "Don't…please don't leave me." Olivia wasn't sure if that was a general statement or a plea for her not to leave the room right now. She stayed there for a few minutes longer, rubbing Alex's back and gently running her hand over the blonde's forehead with a gentle touch.

Blue eyes fluttered open just for a moment. "Don't leave me alone."

Olivia smiled sadly as she leaned down and pressed a kiss to an overheated forehead. "Never. We're partners, remember?" Pale eyelids closed as Olivia pushed back blonde hairs and stroked a warm forehead.

She considered getting up and leaving but a churning in her gut wouldn't leave her alone so instead she kicked off her shoes and laid down next to the blonde and on top of her bed sheets so she wouldn't dirty Alex's bed.

She continued stroking Alex's forehead until both their breathing steadied and she was too tired to keep moving her arm.

Alex groggily woke the following morning with her head _not_ pounding, oddly enough. She could faintly remember the events from the night before, but based on them, she knew she should have a hangover and that she should apologize immediately to Olivia.

But instead of a headache, she felt warm all over, and the sheets felt oddly smooth against her legs. She shifted slightly, only then realizing that she wasn't wearing pants and that warmth seemed to be the body of another human. To her surprise, she found a tanned face in front of her but that wasn't the source of the warmth that she was feeling.

The little tuft of brown hair sticking out from under the covers was. Alex smiled faintly as she pulled the covers down a bit to reveal Ben who was almost completely sprawled on top of Olivia's chest but somehow still pressed up against her front. She rubbed her eyes wearily as she adjusted to the light, admiring Olivia's darker complexion with the light peeking through her curtains.

She glanced over at the curtains before bolting up right in bed and scrambling to look at the clock. She squinted to read the bright green digits before reaching out for Olivia and shaking her. "Olivia, you're supposed to be at work…" She shook the detective again. "Olivia, you're late for work."

Brown eyes blinked open and stared at her in confusion. "I'm not going in today," Olivia murmured as she shifted slightly before closing her eyes once more. Alex stared at her in confusion, wondering if Olivia was aware of the fact that she was in _her_ bed. Brown eyes flashed open once more. "Alex?" She blinked a couple of times before looking at her chest. "Ben?" She groaned softly as she stretched the best that she could with Ben still on her chest. "Sorry I fell asleep on your bed."

"It's okay, I'm really sorry about last night, Liv, I didn't—"

"Hey Alex?" Alex looked at her expectantly. "Can we maybe talk about this later when I'm conscious? It's too early." The blonde couldn't help but laugh softly as she nodded.

"Sure." She watched Olivia sleep for a few more minutes before slipping out of bed to tend to Lexie before she woke up. Once Lexie had a clean diaper and Alex confirmed that she wasn't hungry, she returned to bed, this time with Lexie. She was suddenly grateful that she ordered a California king because there was no way they'd all fit in a queen or even a king.


	13. Chapter 13

Since their talk a week ago, Alex and Olivia decided that the detective would cut back on her hours and with the spare time they would have mandatory family days. And today was their first family day.

Olivia grinned as she tiptoed down the hallway. "Oh where oh where could Ben be?" She turned into his bedroom, only to see Alex pretend-hiding in the closet since she had to hold onto Lexie. "Oh look! I found Auntie Lexie! That's one down…"

Alex rolled her eyes as she stepped out of the closet. "That was far too easy for you, Liv. Try not to act so proud." The detective grinned as she put her hand on Alex's lower back and escorted her out of the room.

"Here we come Ben! You have me, Auntie Lexie, and your sister looking for you!" They heard a small squeal and Alex tried not to laugh. "Uh oh…only one room left. Is Ben hiding in Auntie Lexie's room?" She walked into the room and immediately spotted a tuft of brown hair from behind Lexie's crib.

"Hmm, where would I hide if I were a little boy?" Alex contemplated as she walked over to her closet and pretended to open it up. They heard a quiet giggle as Ben watched his aunt look in all the wrong places.

"Did you hear that Alex? Sounds like a mouse!" Olivia exclaimed as she turned toward the bed and purposely walked around the crib, completely ignoring Ben. "I wonder where it could be coming from! Maybe there's a mouse in the dresser!"

Ben giggled again as Olivia pulled open the top drawer of the dresser, a high pitched squeal surprising her. One second she was looking at a blue plastic bulb shaped object hidden among lingerie and the next the drawer was slammed shut with Alex standing in front of it, cheeks bright red.

"I didn't see—"

"Not one word," Alex cut in, groaning in embarrassment.

Olivia bit her lip as she tried not to laugh at the blonde. If she was being honest, she'd admit to having a vibrator of her own among her lingerie except she didn't bother to bring it to Alex's apartment because she just didn't feel right about it. There was something oddly disturbing about having another woman just down the hallway, a rather attractive one at that.

"I'm calling a no questions asked card."

Olivia raised an eyebrow and tried not to smirk. "I don't think I need to ask questions to understand what that's for, Alex." Alex groaned as she pushed Olivia away from the dresser, guiding her to where Ben was hiding.

"Don't be a smart…tooshie," Alex grumbled as Olivia pretended to be excited as she 'found' Ben.

"Auntie Livia is super smart! I wanna be jus' like her when I'm grow-up," Ben interjected as he jumped up from his hiding spot and hugged Olivia's leg. "But firs' I gotta eat my veggies like Auntie Lexie says so dat I can grow big!"

"Your Auntie Lexie is the smart one, Ben. She's a lawyer! And she told you to eat your veggies which is really smart. That's how you get strong!" She scooped him up without warning and tossed him a foot into the air before catching him again.

He giggled excessively as Olivia continued tossing him up and catching him. "Jus' as strong as you?!" Olivia nodded as she let Ben down who immediately ran over to Alex. "Look Auntie Livia! I can lif' up Auntie Lexie!" He wrapped his arms around her legs and tried diligently to do just that.

"Not quite, buddy, but maybe you can someday after you eat all your veggies!" Olivia encouraged.

He nodded vigorously as he ran toward the door. "I'm gonna go get some carrots! Can I have some?" Olivia nodded as she ruffled up his longer brown locks, mentally noting that he really needed a haircut within the week.

"Why don't you go sit down at the kitchen table and Alex and I will join you in a second?" Without waiting, Ben ran out of the room and toward the kitchen. Both women grinned at the happy little boy before Olivia turned to face Alex. "Look, about—"

"Nope. Don't even," Alex interrupted as she raised a finger to stop Olivia prematurely.

"Not like that, Alex. I was just going to say that if you wanted to…I mean…sorry this isn't coming out right," Olivia muttered as she chuckled. "What I'm trying to say is that if you wanted to start dating someone that's fine. I know I've been making you stay at home a lot since I've been working and I've returned to my normal life, for the most part, but you haven't. So if you want to go on dates or something, I can watch the kids."

Alex stayed quiet for a few seconds with a raised eyebrow. "So we went from you seeing…that…to you telling me I could go out on dates." Alex grinned as Olivia blushed. "Liv, that existed in my drawer for far longer than you've been here so I think I'm fine. But thank you for offering to allow me to date. Quite honestly, I find that… _that_ …is so much simpler than another person."

Olivia laughed wholeheartedly. "You're telling me! So much easier than dealing with a relationship," She stated before trying to backpedal as she realized what that might suggest. "I mean I haven't since I've lived with you because that would be…"

"Nope! Too much information!" Alex cried out as she started laughing. "Oh my gosh, we've known each other for how long and we're talking about this? I don't even talk about sex with my gyno…" The blonde chuckled as she admired the blushing detective. "But the same goes for you…about the dating thing."

"Thanks, Alex, but I think I'm fine," Olivia admitted as she stole a glance at Alex as she turned to walk toward the door. The blonde was barefoot in a pair of well-worn blue jeans that had paint specks on them from last week when they redid Ben's room. Her hair was up in a messy ponytail and an oversized Harvard law shirt adorned her chest. How could something so simple look so damn good on her?

"And if…" Olivia snapped her eyes up and off of Alex rear, where her gaze apparently wandered off to while she was thinking. "If you need to…I mean this is your house too. Just do me a favor and lock the door because I don't think things would end well if I crawled into bed with you while you were doing that…"

Or maybe things would end _very_ well. Olivia tried not to grin at the thought. Of course, Alex's phrasing made that comment sound rather…awkward. More recently—since they had grown more comfortable around each other—Alex had been opening up to the detective, especially about her hurt and anger toward Ben and Claire.

There would be times, four to be exact, when Alex would just crawl in bed with her and allow the detective to hold her. Neither of them spoke of it after the fact and they both liked it that way. They had a minimal conversation the first night it happened anyway.

 _Olivia had woken up from a timid knock on her door since her job made her such a light sleeper. She quickly climbed out of her bed and opened up the door, expecting Ben to be waiting outside with Ellie in his arms and a sad look on his face. Instead, Alex stood there looking just as timid as Ben usually did._

 _Without a word, Olivia guided the blonde into the room, quickly glancing at the clock and noting that it was two am. They both sat down on the edge of the bed while Alex frantically tried to wipe away her tears so it was less obvious how upset she was._

 _"What is it, Lex?" Olivia whispered as she scooted closer to the blonde, her hand rubbing slowly up and down a shaking back. Despite going to Olivia's room for a reason, Alex couldn't quite seem to form a single word, so instead she leaned slightly toward the brunette. Olivia took the hint and pulled Alex close to her, allowing the blonde to rest her head on her shoulder._

 _They stayed like that for a close to an hour before Alex finally spoke, admitting that she was sad and angry and so confused. She hated Claire and Adam for leaving her and she hated them for doing this to her and yet she missed them so much. They talked for another hour before Olivia managed to convince Alex to lay down with her. Neither of them would be able to explain how Olivia wound up spooning Alex from behind come morning._

And that had been the start of those rare nights when Alex would crawl into bed with Olivia. The second time it happened, Olivia immediately led the blonde into bed with her. The third time, Alex didn't wait to be invited. The fourth time, Olivia just woke up cuddling against the blonde, surprised that she didn't even wake up when Alex joined her.

"Nope, no, absolutely not going to do that here, honestly, I'm fine," Olivia stated as she tried to shake away all her memories with the blonde. "Now, I do believe we have a little boy who is patiently awaiting some carrots."

"We certainly can't deny him his carrots!" Alex exclaimed in a teasing manner as she adjusted Lexie in her arms and walked toward the kitchen. Olivia followed her, grinning at the way Alex looked so damn comfortable padding down the hallway barefoot with a baby in her arms.

Maybe she could get used to this whole domestic thing…


	14. Chapter 14

Olivia was sitting at her desk, casually chatting with Elliot, Fin, and Munch when she got the phone call. They were talking about football or something similar, arguing over who was really the superior team. But then Olivia's phone rang, displaying Alex's name so the detective took the call, a smile still on her face as she laughed at a comment Fin made at Munch's expense.

Olivia could hardly understand Alex as she rambled off something, her voice sounding distraught. "Whoa, whoa, Alex slow down, I can't understand you." The brunette leaned up right in her chair, realizing that if Alex was calling her at work it was probably something serious.

"Ben…he was trying to get his milk for cereal while I was in the shower…the chair fell…he won't stop bleeding!" Olivia immediately bolted out of her chair, her mind playing every single horrible situation that she never wanted to see.

"Is he okay? Where is he bleeding? Alex where are you, I'm leaving now!" She wasted no time in grabbing her jacket off of the back of her chair and running to the door. She could faintly hear the sound of her chair falling over behind her as she ran toward the exit.

"His head…he hit his head! Oh god, oh god, I should've been watching him…I'm almost at the hospital Liv, he won't stop crying and Lexie keeps screaming." It was only then that she realized the background noise wasn't traffic, it was Lexie and Ben crying.

"It's okay, Alex. It's not your fault. I'm headed there now, I'll meet you there. Just stay on the phone with me sweetie, okay? Put it on speaker and set it down in the cup holder so you can focus on driving." Olivia stopped abruptly in front of her car, cursing herself once she realized she left her car keys back in the precinct.

"Squad car, let's go Liv," Elliot called as he grabbed onto her arm, guiding her toward the black car. "I'm driving." They both got in and Elliot turned on the lights, ignoring the fact that he was abusing his power by using them for a non-work related emergency. The look of sheer horror on Olivia's face told him that she needed that little sense of comfort as they pulled out into New York traffic.

What felt like hours later, Elliot pulled in front of the hospital and Olivia didn't bother waiting until the car was fully stopped before she jumped out. Concerned faces flew by her in a blur as she pushed through the doors and toward the nurse's station. "Benjamin Dumont, where is he? He just came in with Alexandra Cabot."

The nurse merely raised an eyebrow at the flustered brunette. Olivia resisted the urge to reach across the desk and grab onto the nurse's shirt. Instead, she pulled her badge off of her hip and shoved it in the woman's face. "Tall skinny blonde with a two year old boy and baby girl. Where the hell are they?"

The woman wasted no time in pulling out a piece of paper and looking over it. "Doctor took them into A-23. Surprised you can't hear them from here by the amount of screaming from those children when they came in."

Olivia's fists clenched. Nope, not the time. Instead she ran down the hallway, ignoring the glares by the nurses and narrowly dodging a man in a wheel chair. She stopped abruptly in front of A-23 and pushed open the door, fear coursing through her as she caught sight of a tear-stained face.

Alex was pacing the room, her hands shaking as she held Lexie with dried tears still on her cheeks. "Alex." The blonde immediately spun to see the detective, more tears spilling out as Olivia walked over to her.

"I'm so sorry…I wasn't watching him…I should've…"

"Alex, it's not your fault, things like this happen all the time," The detective assured her as she wrapped her arms around the shaking woman, pinning Lexie between them. Olivia took the opportunity to walk Alex back a few steps so she could see Ben and the doctor.

She sighed in relief once she realized that Ben was just getting stitches on his forehead and his tears had long since stopped. "Auntie Livia! I'm gettin' snitches!" Olivia finally took a deep breath and allowed it to escape her lungs as she pulled away from Alex.

She ran her hand reassuringly over the back of Alex's head and gave her a quick kiss on her forehead and one on Lexie's before walking over to Ben. "Someone looks a lot happier," She commented as she sat down on the chair next to Ben as the doctor finished stitching his forehead up.

Finally, the doctor diverted his focus once his task was finished. "Four stitches across his forehead which should heal rather nicely. I recommend you get a product that reduces scarring and apply it to his forehead after the stitches dissolve. In the meantime, I'll prescribe some ointment that you'll need to apply daily to make sure the sutures stay clean. He can have children's pain reliever if he complains that his head is hurting. He showed no signs of having a concussion but if in the next twenty-four to forty-eight hours he seems confused or sleeps excessively, bring him back in so we can run some tests."

"Thank you, thank you so much," Olivia stated as she sighed in relief. "Oh Ben, you're such a brave little boy." He grinned as Olivia picked him up off of the bed and he wrapped his arms tightly around her.

The doctor stood up and smiled at them as Olivia walked over toward Alex so that she could see that Ben was just fine. As he headed toward the door, he paused for a second to look at them. "You have a beautiful family so do me a favor and make this your last trip here, okay?"

Olivia laughed as she leaned toward Alex, allowing Ben to give her a kiss on the cheek. "I don't think my heart can handle another trip here with two crying children," Alex admitted light-heartedly.

"You did the right thing by bringing him in. A lot of parents don't realize how thin the skin is on the forehead and think that it'll heal on its own," He reassured Alex as he turned toward Olivia. "You have a smart wife." With that, he left the room to tend to other patients.

"Auntie Livia, what's a wa-ife?" Both women broke out in laughter, choosing to ignore Ben's question.

"How about we go get some ice cream since you were such a good boy while getting stitches?" Olivia questioned, immediately distracting the boy. His eyes lit up and he jumped up and down in her arms, clapping his hands.

"Ice cream!" As they headed toward the door, Olivia caught sight of Elliot who was leaning up against the frame.

"How is he?" Elliot questioned as he looked Alex over as subtly as he could but nothing could stop his eyes from widening as he realized how damn gorgeous the blonde was.

"He's excited to get ice cream," Olivia replied as she smiled at her partner, resisting the urge to smack him on the back of his head for openly ogling another woman, not to mention _her_ woman. Wait, hers? No…just her…partner.

Alex looked curiously between the two before Elliot regained his senses and held out a hand to Alex. "Elliot Stabler."

"Alex Cabot," The blonde replied as she shifted Lexie so that she could shake his hand. She looked curiously at Olivia for a second and raised an eyebrow before turning back to Elliot. "How about you join us for ice cream, Elliot? I'm sure Olivia would love your company."

"Oh I'm not…we're partners…I mean at work. We work together," Elliot rambled off as he sheepishly scratched the back of his head.

Alex's eyes widened in realization before she laughed. "Oh! You must be El…I must admit, I thought you were a woman initially."

Elliot glared at Olivia. "Thanks for clarifying partner…" Olivia smirked. "Well, I should get back to work. Liv I'll cover for you unless you just want the rest of the day off in which case I'll let Cap know."

"Yeah, go ahead and tell him I'm taking the rest of the day off. I think I'm going to need some quality time with the little ones."

Elliot nodded as he turned back to Alex. "Well, it was _very_ nice meeting you, Alex. Hopefully I'll be seeing a lot more of you." With that, Elliot tossed a quick wink at Olivia before leaving.

"Your partner certainly seems…interesting," Alex commented as they left the hospital and started walking down the street to a nearby ice cream parlor.

"He's weird sometimes," Olivia agreed as she felt her phone buzz in her pocket. She pulled it out and opened up the text message from Elliot.

 _THAT'S ALEX?! Why didn't you tell me she was smokin' hot? Definitely wouldn't be complaining if I had to move in with her and spend all my time with her. Why aren't you making your move?_

Olivia rolled her eyes as she readjusted Ben on her hip so that she could reply. _Keep your eyes to yourself, you have Kathy. Besides, she's…Alex. Spend a couple of days with her and you'll understand. I have to live with her anyway._

She quickly sent the message before grabbing onto the door and holding it open for the blonde. "Thank you," Alex said as she smiled at the detective before walking into the parlor. Olivia always managed to do something small like open up a door for her which never ceased to make her smile.

As they sat down with their ice cream, Olivia's phone buzzed once more. She pulled it out and couldn't help but grin as she read Elliot's text. If only she were that lucky.

 _$20 says she'll kiss you within the month._


	15. Chapter 15

Olivia frowned as she bounced Lexie up and down against Alex's mattress, her eyes never leaving a bare back dusted with freckles. Her eyes traced over them greedily, hoping to memorize the patterns drawn across the entirety of her back, all the way down her spine. She hardly considered the red fabric that hung loosely off of Alex's shoulders and scooped down to her lower back a distraction from her quest.

"Remind me again why you have to go to this?" Olivia asked as she finally managed to pull her eyes up off of Alex's rear so that she could meet blue eyes.

Alex stayed unmoving for a few seconds before she spun around, her makeup now done, dark eyeliner accentuating her blue eyes beautifully and a faint blush brushed across her cheeks, making her fantastic bone structure look even more prominent. "Politics," Alex answered simply as she turned back to the mirror and scooped her hair up into her hands.

She pulled it up and paused as she evaluated herself in the mirror. "Down." The blonde raised an eyebrow in the mirror at the detective. "I like it better down," Olivia explained as she picked Lexie off of the bed and walked over to the bathroom, pausing behind the blonde.

Alex smiled in response as she dropped her hair back down, reaching for a brush. Instead, Olivia shifted Lexie into one arm and used her other hand to brush blonde locks over one shoulder, completely baring the other. "You think so?"

Olivia nodded as she made eye contact with Alex in the mirror. "You look stunning." She stepped away and allowed Alex to exit the bathroom in her knee length red dress, the tight fabric clinging to her thighs and making her legs look incredibly sexy.

The blonde quickly bent over and grabbed onto her black heels, slipping them on expertly while Olivia stole a glance at her rear. She tried not to notice that there were no underwear lines because that meant that Alex was most likely wearing a thong and she really didn't need those images in her head especially when…

A ringing broke her train of thought and Olivia looked at Alex in confusion. "That would be my date for the night," Alex explained as she headed out to the living room with Olivia on her tail.

"Wait, what? Date?" Alex certainly didn't mention that part, Olivia knew she would've remember that important piece of information. The blonde opened up the door, revealing a tall man in a black suit with a matching red tie and vest. One look at his face made Olivia's blood boil. She had seen him far too many times in a courtroom and on the opposite side of the interrogation table…

"You look gorgeous tonight, Alex," He husked, looking her up and down before glancing in Olivia's direction.

"Thank you, you look rather suave yourself, Trevor. Olivia, this is Trevor Langan. Trevor, Olivia Benson," Alex introduced them, looking curiously between the two when neither said anything.

"Unfortunately I'm already acquainted with Langan. Nice to see you somewhere other than across my interrogation table," Olivia quipped.

Alex raised an eyebrow before Trevor's profession came back to her. "Oh…Well, this isn't awkward at all. Let's go," Alex suggested as she opened up the door and gestured for Trevor to exit. He stayed for a second, eyeing Olivia up for a few more seconds before leaving. "Sorry, Liv. I'll see you later."

"Don't bother waiting up, Detective Benson!" Trevor called out right as Alex closed the door. The brunette felt her blood boil as she clenched her fists before relaxing. She needed to put the little girl in her arms to bed before she could be angry.

With practiced ease, Olivia put Lexie down after changing her diaper and redressing her in night clothes. Next up was Ben, who was still intently watching his educational program that Alex had put on. After ten minutes of trying to reason with him, Olivia decided that she'd allow him to stay up a little bit longer. He seemed a bit upset that Alex was leaving for the night since Olivia was usually the only one who left and even then, she made an effort never to arrive home after the kids went to bed.

A few more minutes turned into three hours for Ben and Olivia as they both watched a few more of Ben's TV shows before he convinced Olivia to put on Peter Pan. Ben managed to last through a little over half of the movie before he was out cold, comfortably snuggled against Olivia's chest and wrapped tightly in a blanket.

The detective felt no need to put him to bed since technically he was sleeping. Besides, she didn't feel like being alone tonight. After a few minutes of contemplating, she gave up and grabbed her phone, hitting the speed dial. As she waited for the call to connect, she picked up Ben and carried him back to his bedroom, tucking him in for the night.

"Heeeeey!" Came the slightly intoxicated voice from the other end as she returned to the living room. "Liv how ya doin'? We're all at the bar, you gonna join us? What's that? Fin says he misses you _babay_ _giiiiirl_."

Olivia grinned as she imagined Elliot chugging down beers with Munch and Fin. "Sorry, I'm on kid duty tonight."

"Lame…No sexy pants Alex?" She could faintly here Munch asking who this 'sexy' Alex was.

"Nope, she is out at the moment. It's been three weeks, by the way," Olivia mentioned, wondering if he'd get what she was referring to.

"OH SHIT! You owe me twenty bucks I knew Alex would kiss you!" She could hear Elliot whooping on the other end of the phone although it sounded like he had since moved away from Munch and Fin before he started talking to keep her life private.

"Ha, no. You're going to owe me twenty bucks. Still nothing. Besides, she's out on a date with the wonderful Trevor Langan right now."

"Langan? The defense attorney aka slimeball? That Langan?" She chuckled at the sound of distaste in Elliot's voice.

"The one and only," She confirmed, just imagining his slimy hands on Alex's bare back, his breath on her ear as he whispered something to her, hands sliding lower and lower on her back as the seconds ticked by.

Before Elliot could respond, the sound of laughter came from the hallway along with a thud against the door. "Gotta go El, I think she's back with the slimeball." She hung up her phone and quickly walked over to the door and looked through the peep hole.

Just as she predicted, Trevor's face was visible through the hole along with the back of Alex's head and the door shook slightly, the blonde clearly leaning heavily against it. "I am so happy to be home. Did everyone have sticks up their asses? God they were all so uptight. I hate these events," Alex's voice echoed through the door.

"Yeah but you know you had fun with me." Olivia grimaced as Trevor smirked at Alex. She watched him shuffle on his feet for a few seconds before he placed one arm against the door and leaned closer to the blonde.

Absolutely fucking not. Olivia quickly unlocked the door and pulled it open, barely managing to catch the drunk blonde as she tumbled backwards into the living room. The detective wrapped her arms around Alex's waist and held her upright as she glared at Trevor who scrambled to hold onto the door frame so that he wouldn't fall as well.

"Nice to see you brought her back in one piece," Olivia commented as she looked down at Alex who was laughing. "Although did you really have to get her this drunk?" She wrapped a strong arm around Alex's back and held her tight against her body.

"Liv, it's fine. Everyone was so damn uptight there was no way I was going to endure all that without a drink. Trevor kept me sane by getting me drunk." The detective bit her cheek so that she wouldn't cuss at the defense attorney in front of Alex.

"At least you're home now. Good night, Trevor." As Olivia tried to shut the door on him, he stopped it with his foot.

"Wow, well hello to you, too. Actually I don't think Alex and I were done _talking_ for the night so if you don't mind, I suggest you let me into _her_ apartment."

"It's her apartment too, Trevor," Alex interjected as she finally managed to stand up on her own although she still clung to the detective. "Besides, I'm about to pass out so don't push your luck." Olivia couldn't hold back the grin that spread across her face.

"Good night, _Trevor_." With that, Olivia closed the door on him and locked it before guiding Alex down the hallway. "Glad you enjoyed yourself tonight, Lex, but maybe next time not so much alcohol? Trevor certainly looked like he wanted to get…lucky."

Alex laughed as she immediately flopped down on her bed, too lazy to take off her clothes. "Trevor? No way, he knows he isn't ever getting in my pants. He's definitely not my type…not even close. Besides, I wouldn't have sex while you were here with the kids." She kicked her heels off, allowing them to land awkwardly in the middle of her floor.

Olivia rolled her eyes as she picked them up and set them up right in Alex's closet. "So…" She had an opportunity and she wasn't going to let it pass. "Who is your type?"

"Tall, dark, and handsome," Alex stated confidently as she smiled contently. With a little of effort, she stood up only to be steadied by Olivia who now had pajamas for her in hand.

"So Trevor…"

"Definitely not." Alex bit her lip as she looked down at Olivia, her eyes trailing over the detective's chest. "I like them…curvier." The detective wondered if it were possible for her eyebrows to disappear beneath her hairline.

Alex grinned before she released her hold on Olivia and grabbed onto the clothes, tossing them on the bed. She pulled the sleeves of her dress off of herself, completely exposing her back to Olivia before allowing the front to fall forward so that only Alex's rear was covered by the dress.

And with that, Olivia spun on her heels and booked it out of the room. Somehow it felt like the room grew a hundred degrees hotter in the few minutes that passed since Alex came home. She rushed into her bedroom and shut the door, leaning up against it.

She took a few calming breathes before stripping out of her clothes and pulling on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. As she rummaged through her drawers, she paused. There was no way she was going to be able to sleep tonight.

She pushed aside some of her belongings before grabbing onto a box, one that she had just recently acquired from her old apartment. She glanced back at her bedroom door before wandering over to it and flicking the lock in place.

She returned to her bed and pulled out the small vibrator, setting it on the side of her mattress. Within a few minutes, she was comfortably spread out on her bed with a hand between her legs, hesitantly touching herself in places she hadn't for months.

Minutes later, her eyes were clenched shut as images of Alex's bare back and seductive smirk flooded her mind. "Oh, fuck, Alex…"


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Yes, I suck at updating. Yes, it's a short chapter. Yes, I temporarily lost my muse. No, I'm not done with this story yet.**

* * *

Olivia woke in a haze, her lower half oddly warm and a less than satisfied feeling between her legs. The faint memories of trying to get off to images of Alex made her blush deep as she groaned uncomfortably, rolling over onto her back. As she did, her side came into contact with something firm yet soft.

Confused, Olivia blinked back her sleep only to see a head of blonde hair next to her, the woman sleeping peacefully. When the hell did Alex wind up in her bed? A soft sigh and sluggish movements pulled the detective's attention away from her thoughts only to refocus on Alex when she felt a warm hand land on her thigh. Her bare thigh.

She tensed up, trying to remember what exactly she did last night. She remembered getting off to Alex, saying her name, cleaning up, unlocking the door, and—sighing in relief—she remembered putting on underwear. She shifted slightly, in an attempt to dislodge Alex's hand from her thigh but hardly moved before she heard a soft groan coming from the woman next to her.

Alex yawned as her body stretched out comfortably, rousing from her pleasant slumber. She blinked away the sleep from her eyes and smiled at Olivia as she rubbed her eyes. "Morning," Alex murmured, yawning once more before smiling at the brunette. She smirked as she watched Olivia shift further underneath the covers. "Are you going to just stay hidden underneath the sheets or are you going to tell me why you aren't wearing any pants?"

Olivia was surprised at the blonde's bluntness, raising both eyebrows at her. "You going to tell me why you're in my bed?"

Alex grinned as she shifted upright and leaned against the headboard. "Touché." She raised her arms into the air and entangled her fingers, stretching out as far as she could as she pushed her chest forward. Olivia watched the blonde intently, glancing down just long enough to see a strip of bare skin being revealed from her shirt riding up.

Olivia pursed her lips as she watched Alex for a few more seconds before pushing herself up as well so that she was leaning against the headboard next to the blonde. "Tell me something, Alex." The blonde dropped her arms to her side and raised an eyebrow, waiting to be prompted. "How did you end up spending an evening with Langan?"

Alex laughed abruptly, clearly not expecting that to be the first question from Olivia. "Uh, we've know each other since law school, unfortunately. We kind of have an unspoken rule that we'll always take each other to social events unless we actually have a significant other to bring."

"Oooh, and here I thought you had a secret boyfriend that you've been hiding from me!"

Alex playfully rolled her eyes at the brunette. "No secret boyfriend, I thought we already went over that. Although finding you without pants…that's certainly a first. Did you sneak someone in here while I was passed out from my intoxicated state?"

"So you do remember being drunk." Olivia smirked. "Do you remember Langan trying to put the moves on you?"

Alex grimaced in response as she shivered slightly. "Didn't we go over that last night?"

Olivia raised an eyebrow, not expecting the blonde to remember. She hummed softly in response as she pretended to remember their conversation from the night before. "I distinctly remember you telling me that you like them tall, dark, and handsome."

The blonde smirked as she bit her lip, tugging on it ever so slightly as she glanced down. The detective wondered how it was possible for someone to look so damn sexy with just a simple act. "I believe I added in curvy." Blue eyes flashed back up almost hesitantly, meeting Olivia's gaze.

Olivia blinked in surprise before clearing her throat as subtly as she could. "Yeah, uh, that one threw me off," She replied as she glanced down at her lap.

"Oh?" Alex questioned, the hum in her voice almost playful. "I know you're a much better detective than that, Olivia." A hand on Olivia's bare thigh surprised her more so than the feeling of the sheets sliding down her skin as Alex pushed it down a few inches.

"Yeah…" Soft fingertips trailed up and down her thigh in teasing strokes.

Alex smirked as she moved her other hand across Olivia's chest and to the cheek furthest away from her. Without any effort, she gracefully cupped the detective's cheek and guided her face toward her own. Olivia's eyes flashed open in surprise as warm, smooth lips pressed up against hers, melding into her own as if they had always belonged there.

The kiss quickly transitioned from chaste to far from it when Olivia closed her eyes and responded to the mouth pressed up against her own. Somehow she managed to regain feeling in her limbs, just long enough to reach up to grab onto the back of Alex's head, pulling her in deeper as she opened up her mouth to the blonde. Olivia was taken off guard by Alex's bluntness, especially when she pushed her tongue forward, swiping it across Olivia's lower lip.

What felt like mere seconds later, Alex pulled away a few inches, just enough so that as she opened up her eyes slowly, she could only see tanned skin in front of her. "Still confused?" She whispered as she glanced down at Olivia's parted lips, wondering if she could get away with kissing them until they were swollen.

"No," Was all Olivia managed to mutter as she watched Alex slide off of the bed and toward the door. The blonde paused as she grabbed onto the knob.

"Maybe next time I can actually be present when you're calling out my name in the heat of the moment." Alex smirked as she watched the detective's cheeks quickly become covered in a deep blush.

Olivia opened and closed her mouth a few times, unsure of what to say as she watched Alex walk out of the room. The only thing she could think of in that moment was how much she wanted to kiss Alex again, push her up against the nearest wall and finally relieve all the tension lingering in her body. She bit her lip, surprised at the taste of mint that was still lingering there from their kiss.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Since my last chapter was just a "tease".**

* * *

Olivia leaned back in the café booth that she was currently occupying, chewing on the inside of her cheek as she waited for Elliot to arrive. The sound of a bell clinging against the door caused her to look up and smile at her partner. "Mornin'," He grumbled as he slid into the booth across from her, rubbing his eyes a few times before smiling at her.

"Morning to you too, El. You look like hell. Kids keeping you up at night?" She questioned as she watched her partner signal for a waitress.

"Yeah, thanks for the excuse to get out of the house. Kathy has been riding me about cutting down on my hours and being around the kids more often. I think she just needed a moment to think without me around." He smiled as the waitress came up and introduced herself. "Two coffees, two Early Riser Breakfast Platters and a side of fruit."

"Ordering for me now?" Olivia teased as she smiled at the waitress before the woman left. "Maybe instead of running from Kathy you should try taking through it _with_ her. Isn't that a grand idea?"

"Yeah, yeah, like you're suddenly the relationship expert."

Olivia rolled her eyes as she leaned forward. "I know enough to know that talking is what solves these problems, El. You do remember that I had them with Alex, right?"

"Yeah but you're not having sex with her…actually does that even make a difference? Kathy and I haven't since…"

"I do not want you to finish that sentence," Olivia interjected as she raised an eyebrow at him. "Alex and I may not be sleeping together but we're still raising two children together while I work at the precinct and she works from home. You need to talk to Kathy, okay? Don't leave her all alone in her head."

Elliot sighed as he thanked the waitress for his coffee before taking a big swig. "Alright, Ms. Relationship Expert. I'll _talk_ to her. Now tell me more about you and Alex." He smirked teasingly at her before winking.

"There's nothing to tell. Somehow we've managed to raise Benjie and Lexie without too much difficulty. The kids seem to be getting along well enough with us and their therapist says everything is progressing well."

"And you and Alex? Did you two work through all your problems, break through that sexual tension and do whatever lesbians do?"

A swift kick to Elliot's shin stopped him mid-laugh and caused him to pout at Olivia. "There is no sexual tension!"

"Yeah right. I saw the way she looked at you when you introduced us. She thought we were a thing and she was definitely jealous." Olivia shook her head as she glanced out into the café, anywhere but at her partner. "Oh come on Liv, you know as well as I do that Alex is interested in you."

"Better than you know," Olivia mumbled more to herself just as their food arrived, cutting any questions that Elliot may have had off. They continued enjoying the rest of their meal bickering over random things while Elliot caught Olivia up on a few cases that she had missed out on due to her shortened hours.

At the end of the meal, Elliot reached into his pocket to pull out some cash, only to be stopped by Olivia tossing enough bills for the both of them onto the table. "Covering me, huh? Didn't know this was a date," Elliot teased.

"No, consider this me paying you back for the twenty bucks I owe you."

"Why do you owe me…No way! She kissed you?" Olivia merely smirked as she stood up and grabbed onto her leather jacket, slipping it over her shoulders.

"I don't kiss and tell, El."

"Well please tell me that you're at least going to take her out for a date."

"Take her out? El, we have two kids who can't stand being with strangers for more than two seconds. There's no way that I'd be able to take her out on a date with just us."

"So don't," He replied as he shrugged his shoulders.

"What?"

"Don't make it just the two of you." Olivia pursed her lips, a faint smiling arising at the idea.

"See you at work tomorrow, El. And thanks for the meal," She teased as she winked at him before they both headed out on their own separate ways.

* * *

Olivia purposely arrived home early from work the following day, a wide smile on her face when she entered the scentless apartment, indicating that Alex hadn't started cooking something for dinner yet. She kicked off her boots and wandered into the living room where Ben was watching TV while Alex walked over to her with Lexie in her arms.

"Hey, you're home early. I didn't expect you for another hour so I didn't start dinner yet."

"That's okay. I was thinking that we could go out to eat for once anyway." Alex's eyebrows furrowed up as she looked at the detective in confusion. "What do you say Ben, do you want some pizza and maybe a few arcade games tonight?"

"YES!" Ben was off of the couch before either woman could blink, barreling over to both of them and almost falling as he did. "I wanna go! I wanna go! Can we Auntie Lexie? Please, please, please!" Alex couldn't help but smile as she nodded; there was no way she was going to disappoint Ben. "Yay!"

"Alright I'm going to go get changed quickly and then we can head out," Olivia told Ben as she ruffled up his hair, enjoying how excited the little boy looked.

"I need to change as well," Alex commented as she glanced down at her dark grey sweatpants and Harvard Law shirt.

Olivia glanced down at her attire and smiled. "Why? You look gorgeous in anything." With that, Olivia swaggered into her bedroom, smiling as she shut the door behind her. If this was going to be a date she was going to make Alex feel like the only woman in the world.

Thirty minutes later, they were all crammed into a small booth, Olivia across from Alex with Ben sitting next to her, pizza sauce dripping down his chin, and Lexie bouncing up and down on Alex's lap. Olivia couldn't ever imagine being anywhere else as she grabbed onto a napkin and dipped it into her water before wiping up the pizza sauce on Ben's chin.

"I wanna go play games! Can I Auntie Livia?" He questioned, flashing those big brown eyes that Olivia quickly learned was one of her weaknesses.

"Of course buddy, that's why I brought quarters!" She slid out of the booth and picked him up so that she could carry him over to the arcade. "We'll be back in a bit," She assured Alex, the blonde smiling and nodding in response.

"Take your time."

Olivia turned away only to pause before turning back. "How about you join us, Alex?" The blonde gave her a questioning glance as she looked down at Lexie. "Come on, you look like you could use some fun. Let's go win some tickets and get something fun on the prize shelf."

"You make a convincing argument." Alex grinned as she picked Lexie up off of her lap and walked toward the arcade with Olivia. Halfway through Ben's gaming adventures, Olivia joined in on the fun, winning hundreds of tickets for Ben. The detective smiled as she watched how happy Ben was to hold onto all those tickets, waving them around with joy.

"Can you even hold all those tickets?" Alex teased as she kneeled down with Lexie in her arms and tried to help Ben fold up his tickets so that they were more manageable.

"Yes! They weigh as much as me Auntie Lexie!" Ben giggled as he tossed some tickets at Olivia who scooped them up and started folding them as well before pausing.

"How about a picture with all your tickets, buddy?" Ben nodded vigorously as he jumped into Olivia's arms with all of his tickets. The brunette leaned down so that she was next to Alex and pulled out her phone, holding it at arms' length. "Smile!" She snapped a few pictures of Ben with both of his arms wrapped around her and Alex, Lexie smiling a baby-tooth grin in Alex's lap.

Almost two hours later, they all arrived back home, Ben grinning as he ran around the apartment pretending to fly his toy airplane that he had won with his tickets. Alex was holding onto the small teddy bear that Ben had picked out for his little sister and a little picture frame that said "I love you" on it for her and Olivia.

"I think it's bedtime, buddy," Olivia said as she walked over to a smiling Ben. He frowned slightly as he set his airplane down on the coffee table.

"Will you read me n' Lexie a story before bed?"

"Of course we will," Olivia replied as she adjusted Lexie in her arms and headed toward Alex's bedroom. "Go get changed into your pajamas and Auntie Lexie will help you brush your teeth then we can snuggle up for story time."

Ten minutes later, Olivia and Alex were both sitting in bed on either side of Ben, Lexie in Ben's arms since he wanted to hold her during story time. By the end of it, his little eyes were drooping down so Olivia carefully extracted Lexie from his lap.

"And they all lived happily ever after," Alex murmured softly as she closed the book and set it down on Ben's nightstand. She smiled as she brushed his brown locks away from his forehead and kissed him there, Olivia doing the same thing.

Ben sighed heavily as he cuddled against his pillow while Alex pulled the covers up to his chin. "Love you mommy…"

Alex froze for a moment as she looked down at him before stroking his forehead gently once more. "We love you too, Benjie. Sleep well my little boy."

They both slipped out of his room and Alex smiled at Olivia as they stopped outside of her room. "Thank you for everything tonight, Liv."

"Of course. I figured it was about time that we all got out of the house and spent some quality time together."

Alex glanced down almost nervously before looking back up. "I think this is normally the point where I invite you in for a nightcap or coffee."

Olivia smirked as she glanced up at the ceiling. "Little hard to invite me in considering I already am," She teased lightly as she eased Lexie out of Alex's arms and carried her over to her crib, gently setting the little girl down and covering her up.

"Guess I'll have to improvise," Alex replied as she watched Olivia tuck Lexie in before turning back to her. "What do you say instead of coffee you join me in bed for some late night conversations?"

"Sounds like a perfect ending to wonderful night." They both slipped under Alex's covers and leaned back against headboard, neither looking at the other.

"Was this a date?"

Olivia pursed her lips as she looked over Alex's bare walls. "I'd like to think so. I wanted to take you out on a real date to a nice restaurant, just the two of us and some wine but that's not really us, is it?"

Alex broke out into a smile as she looked over at Olivia. "A long time ago, maybe that was me. But now? Now I think I'm content with greasy pizza, noisy children, and arcade games."

"Me too, Alex." Olivia glanced down at Alex's hand which was resting on the mattress. She bit her lip before sliding her hand over to Alex's and weaving her fingers with the blonde's once she didn't pull away.

She traced her thumb over the back of Alex's hand for a few seconds. "Would you like to spend the night, Olivia?" Alex grinned as glanced over at the detective.

"I like to think of myself as a respectable woman, Alex. I have a rule about waiting until at least the fifth date." Alex laughed abruptly as she playfully bumped shoulders with Olivia.

"Rules were made to be broken," Alex countered as she locked eyes with Olivia, her gaze wandering only for a split second to admire red lips.

Olivia cocked her head to the side to evaluate the blonde for a moment before leaning in and kissing her abruptly. Alex responded instantly, her body sinking into the sheets as Olivia leaned over until she was almost on top of her. Hands tangled against Olivia's shirt and into Alex's hair as they kissed, both enjoying the minty taste from their shared toothpaste.

Olivia finally pulled away, laughing softly as she laid down next to Alex. They both breathed heavily for a few seconds, catching their breath before Alex rolled over onto her side so that she was facing Olivia. "Thank you for the best first date, Olivia."

"Mhm," Olivia hummed in response as she turned to face the blonde. "This might be a little forward of me but I would love to be able to hold you right now." Blue eyes stared intently back at her for a few seconds, scanning her face, before Alex rolled over so that she was facing away from Olivia.

The detective didn't move for a moment, unsure if it was an invitation or not. "My back is getting cold, Liv." Olivia's grin grew as she slid over until she was behind the blonde. With practiced ease from all their other times sleep-cuddling in bed, Olivia wrapped her arm over Alex's and rested it against the blonde's stomach, tangling her fingers with Alex's.

She sighed contently as she buried her nose into long blonde locks, not even the least bit annoyed at the way Alex's hair tickled her when she moved. At the moment, she couldn't think of anywhere else she'd rather be or anyone else she'd rather be with.


	18. Chapter 18

Alex glanced down and smiled at the sight of Olivia's fingers weaved between hers, barely hidden beneath the blanket that was spread across their laps. They had quickly become more comfortable around one another but neither really wanted to take things too far too fast mainly for the sake of the children. So they sat contently, holding hands, with Ben and Lexie cuddled up on their laps.

Alex stole another glance, this time at Olivia's face as she watched the movie that was playing intently. She felt content when she noticed how relaxed the normally stressed detective was. Her jaw was slack, not tensed like normal, her head was tilted partially to the side with her free hand propping her chin up as her elbow rested against the arm of the couch.

Brown eyes flickered over to meet hers and Alex blushed at being caught staring. "See something you want?" Olivia teased, knowing that it would only serve to deepen the blush now spreading down Alex's chest.

That blush did spread but Alex chose not to let it affect her as she cleared her throat and licked her lips as seductively as she could while glancing down at Olivia's body and then to her lips. "What do you think?"

Olivia swallowed down abruptly as she felt her mouth go dry. "I think it's time for the little ones to go to bed," She replied as she shifted the blanket off of her lap so that Ben was uncovered as well.

"No! Not yet!" Ben cried out as he turned to Olivia, a huge pout on his face. He pushed out his lower lip, a strategy that he had recently developed in order to convince Olivia to let him stay up later. The detective glanced between Ben and Alex, finding herself drawn to Alex's seductive smirk more so than Ben's pout.

"Okay but your Auntie Alex and I are going to go to bed because we're tired," Olivia replied in satisfaction that she found a suitable alternative. Ben seemed to consider it for a few seconds before nodding. "Okay then. Good night buddy. I'll come back out here in a bit and you better be in bed by then little mister!"

Ben giggled as she kissed him on the forehead followed by Alex. The blonde grinned as she grabbed onto Olivia's wrist and pulled her down the hallway, Lexie in her other arm. She quickly set down the sleeping girl in her crib and had no time to prepare herself before lips were on hers, her feet automatically taking frantic steps backwards in order to stay up right.

"Mmm, Liv," Alex mumbled against the brunette's lips as her back hit the wall. She side stepped to avoid her dresser before settling against the wall, allowing the detective to lean heavily against her. She returned the kiss as her hands found their way to Olivia's waist, pulling their hips closer together.

"I know…" Olivia gasped before kissing the blonde again, trailing her lips down a smooth neck. "I should feel guilty…" She nipped at Alex's collarbone before using her fingers to pry apart the collar of Alex's shirt so that she could kiss her sternum. "But I'm not…"

She carefully unbuttoned the top of Alex's shirt, her hands slipping farther and farther down until Alex's shirt was parted halfway down her torso. She glanced up at Alex before unbuttoning Alex's shirt the rest of the way so that her toned abdomen and creamy skin was revealed, nothing but a black bra still remaining on Alex's chest.

"It's been three weeks and we still haven't had any alone time," Alex commented as she pulled Olivia back to her, crashing their lips together once more. Olivia groaned in response as one of her legs found its way in between Alex's and she pushed her knee up, wedging it between Alex's thighs. "Oh god…" The blonde's head tipped back, just enough to bump against the wall as she instinctively lowered her hips to get more from Olivia.

"Shouldn't we feel guilty about making out and grinding just a wall away from Ben?" Olivia whispered as she raised and lowered her knee in a rhythmic motion, causing the blonde to gasp in approval.

"We're two responsible adults who deserve a little fun," Alex countered as she pulled Olivia back to her. "And I hope to hell you don't feel guilty about making out because I want to do a lot more than that tonight." Olivia groaned as she dropped her forehead against the cool wall, hoping to ease the shot of arousal that Alex just sent to her core.

Alex's hands found their way to the hem of Olivia's t-shirt, quickly pulling it over her head with a little bit of help from the detective. The prompting from Alex reminded Olivia that she had to move in order for anything to occur. She returned her knee between Alex's legs, pushing up firmly as her hands trailed up bare skin before slipping under the blonde's bra.

She palmed Alex's breasts lightly at first, testing her sensitivity before increasing pressure and teasing firm nipples. The ADA began to rock her hips against Olivia's knee as her hands slipped into Olivia's back pockets, palming the detective's ass while also pulling her closer.

Alex gasped as Olivia buried her head in the crook of Alex's neck, kissing and sucking at the sensitive skin there. She could already feel the stirring in the pit of her stomach as she continued to rock her hips against Olivia's leg.

A high pitch squeal caused Alex's head to slam into the wall and Olivia to almost fall flat on her ass as Alex pushed her away. Once Olivia managed to regain her bearings, she ran over to Alex's bedroom door with wide eyes and pulled it open before rushing to the living room where Ben still was.

"Benjie, what's going on?" She questioned as she ran over to the couch and picked up the crying boy, cradling him in her arms as she tried to soothe him.

He continued to cry as he pointed to the TV. Olivia's eyes widened as she recognized a different channel on with an exclusive about cheetahs. There was currently a bloody antelope on the screen as the cheetah started to eat its kill.

"Oh Benjie, it's okay, it's just a TV show buddy. Take a deep breath, in and out," She repeated as she rubbed his back. A second later, Alex exited the bedroom, her shirt mostly buttoned up, minus a missed button which made them all crooked. She quickly read the situation and turned off the TV, wondering if Ben had accidentally hit the remote and changed his children's program.

"Mommy!" He screamed out as he pushed his hands against Olivia's chest and turned to the side, holding his arms out for Alex. The blonde quickly closed the distance between them and took Ben from Olivia, the little boy automatically wrapping his arms around her neck and pulling himself close as he buried his teary face and runny nose against Alex's neck.

"You're okay, Benjie. I turned off the TV, see?" She turned toward the TV but he didn't seem to want to budge in the slightest as he continued to wail into blonde hair. "Alright, buddy how about we go lay down together, okay?"

She glanced over at Olivia and gave her an apologetic smile before heading toward her bedroom. Ben let out another wail as Alex began to walk away from Olivia, one of his hands grasping at the air in Olivia's general direction.

"I'm coming too, okay Benjie? I'm right here," Olivia assured him as she held out her hand, allowing Ben to wrap his fist around two of her fingers. He clung tightly to both women as they walked into Alex's bedroom and quickly settled down on the bed.

"Shh, it's okay Benjie. You're going to have to be quiet okay? Your sister is trying to sleep." Ben nodded against Alex's chest as he sniffled again. After a few minutes, he pulled away, leaning back so that he was sitting in Alex's lap. He slid himself over and held out a hand for Olivia who immediately took his.

He wiggled a bit, until he slid down against Alex's bedsheets and underneath the comforter. "Sleep here?" He questioned, his big brown eyes pleading with Alex. The blonde felt her heart clench and could only nod in response as she guided him underneath the covers and pulled them up to his chin.

"I need to get on my pajamas, okay? And then I'll snuggle up with you," Alex assured him as she slipped out of her bed and quickly walked over to her dresser. She took a moment to refresh herself in the bathroom—especially after Olivia riled her up so much—before returning to her bed.

She cuddled up underneath the covers with Ben who clung to her and Olivia. When Olivia began to pull away a bit, Ben let out a low whimper as he looked up at her in fear. "Sleep here!"

Olivia glanced over to Alex who nodded. "Of course, buddy. I'm going to go put on my pajamas as well so that we all can sleep." A few minutes later, she returned, sliding into Alex's bed on the opposite side so that Ben was between both of them.

Big brown eyes finally closed once both Alex and Olivia were in bed with him. Both women turned to face the other, smiling softly at each other with Ben between them. Olivia slipped her hand over Ben's chest and grabbed Alex's hand, pulling it over to her. She pressed a kiss to the back of Alex's hand before settling both of their hands against her chest.

* * *

When Olivia woke up, she was surprised to see bright blue eyes trained on her. A smile grew on her lips as she blinked away her sleep and admired Alex, her blonde hair ruffled from sleep and shirt slightly askew. "Morning," Olivia mumbled, clearing her throat once she realized how husky from sleep her voice sounded.

"Good morning to you, too." Alex smiled back before looking down at Ben who was cuddled all the way underneath the blankets. She reached out and brushed back his brown locks, enjoying the feeling of his soft hair running through her fingers. "I can't say I ever expected to have my sex life interrupted by kids."

Olivia chuckled softly as she admired Ben as well, brushing the back of her hand across his little cheek, wiping up a small piece of drool that was about to drip onto the mattress. "Same here…but it's worth it, isn't it?" She questioned as she glanced up at Alex.

The blonde nodded in response as she leaned down and kissed Ben's exposed forehead, barely feeling the small scar that remained on his skin from when he fell. She slipped out of bed and padded lightly over to Lexie to change her diaper before she woke up crying.

She picked up the little girl, surprised to see her big blue eyes open and looking around the room curiously. A few minutes and a fresh diaper later, Alex returned to bed, feeling far too lazy to go about her Saturday when she could remain in bed with her family.

 _Her_ family. She smiled at the sound of that. She never thought she'd have a family and to be honest, she gave up on the idea of kids and a significant other eight years ago. She bit her lip as she thought back to eight years prior when she had been rushed to the ER from abdominal pain. Her appendix had wrapped around one of her ovaries and both had to be removed during a surgery that had damaged her fallopian tube as well, making it next to impossible for her to ever become pregnant.

"What's got you looking so pensive?" Olivia questioned quietly, not wanting to interrupt Alex if she was really that deep in thought.

"Nothing much," Alex replied as she shrugged. "Just thinking about how happy I am to have these two delights in my life." She leaned down and pressed another kiss to Ben's forehead, unable to resist, before cuddling Lexie to her chest and kissing one of her chubby cheeks. She glanced back up at Olivia almost hesitantly. "And you, Liv."

"I'm happy you're in my life too, Alex. Even though you were a total pain in the…buttock when we first met." Olivia winked at the blonde as Ben just began to stir. "Good morning, Benjie. Sleep well?"

The little boy groaned softly as he rolled over onto his back and stretched his arms out, letting out an exaggerated sigh much like Olivia did in the mornings. Both women laughed at his antics. He smacked his lips together a few times before yawning. "Slept like a baby!"

"Me too," Alex agreed as she held Lexie out. "Do you want to hold your sister?"

"Yes!" He cried out as he quickly scrambled up onto the bed so that he way reclining against the headboard. Alex smiled as she set Lexie in his arms, knowing that he absolutely loved holding his sister. He had such a way with her that neither woman quite understood, even Olivia who had spent a lot of time around children.

Ben's grin spread ear to ear as he wrapped his arms around Lexie and pulled her close to him, swaying slightly as he nuzzled his nose against her little blonde hairs. "She smells like a baby." He giggled as he kissed the top of her head a couple of times.

After a few minutes, Ben looked up at Alex and then to Olivia with a curious expression on his face. "What's up buddy?" Olivia questioned as she glanced down at Lexie who seemed content. He glanced down at his sister as he chewed on his lip before tapping a finger against his chin. "Ben, you can tell us anything, you know that, right buddy?" He nodded slowly before looking up at Alex.

"Are you my mommy now?"

Alex blinked a couple of times, shocked at the sincerity in voice. She wasn't quite sure what to say but she knew that Ben had been talking to Dr. Marks about his parents and their role in his life over the last six months. "I will never replace your mom, Benjie."

Ben pursed his lips and looked up at Olivia and then back to Alex. "But what if I want a mommy?"

This time Olivia spoke up. "If you would like to call her mommy, Benjie, I think that's up to you." Alex nodded in agreement as a small smile graced Ben's lips.

"What about you?" He questioned as he glanced over at Olivia. "Can you be my mommy too?"

"That might be a little confusing," Olivia teased as she ruffled up his hair. "But you can call us whatever you want, okay Benjie? Whatever you're comfortable with." The detective smiled at Ben but inside she was a mixture of feelings. She was waiting for that moment when he'd ask if he could have a daddy, surprised that he hadn't brought it up yet.

"Okay," Ben declared as he adjusted Lexie so that she was laying down on the bed before standing up. He grabbed onto Alex's arm and pulled her down a little bit before pursing his lips and planting a slightly wet kiss on her cheek. "Mommy," He said before moving over to Olivia and kissing her as well. "And Mommy."

"Mommy times two," Alex teased as she smiled wide, her cheeks hurting at the sound of her new name. A part of her ached for Claire even after so long but she allowed herself a moment of happiness. She knew that Claire and Adam would've wanted what was best for the kids. They just wanted them to be happy and if calling Olivia and her 'mommy' made Ben happy, she knew they'd both approve.

Ben's eyes widened as he started jumping up and down on the bed, Olivia quickly grabbing Lexie so that she wasn't being jostled. "MOMMY TIMES TWO!" He squealed as he plopped down onto the mattress with wide eyes. "I have _two_ mommies!"


	19. Chapter 19

"El'lit!" Ben screamed as he tackled Elliot Stabler, the detective barely managing to grab onto the boy and hoist him into the air.

"Hey tiger! How have you been little man?" Elliot questioned as he spun him around once more tossing him gently up into the air—much to Alex's disapproval—before catching him.

"Good! I grew taller! Can you tell? Mama told me I grew _another_ inch!" Elliot grinned as he glanced over at Olivia who was gazing lovingly at Ben.

"I sure can, buddy! You're getting so big! Soon you're going to be bigger than your mama!"

"No!" Ben squealed as he laughed, Elliot letting him down to the ground now. "Then Mommy won't be able to pick me up!" He ran over to Alex's legs, holding up his hands in an attempt to be picked up.

"You're too heavy, Ben!" Alex teased as she ruffled up his hair before hoisting him in the air. He immediately resumed his normal position, arms wrapping around Alex's neck and pulling her hair on accident, legs around her hip. "Ugh, so heavy! I don't know if I can carry you anymore." Alex took drastic steps over to Olivia who ruffled up Ben's hair as well.

"Why don't you go play with Elliot, Benjie? I know he brought some fun toys that you're going to have a blast with tonight!" Olivia encouraged as Elliot walked over to his bag. Ben slid down to the ground but looked at Olivia and Alex curiously.

"Are you going to play too?" He questioned as he stayed watching the two women, his brain not yet processing why both of the women were dressed up nicely, Alex in a deep blue dress and Olivia in a white blouse, black blazer, and black slacks.

Olivia sighed as she kneeled down before Ben. "Buddy, we went over this last night, remember? Today you were going to play with your sister and Elliot while Mommy and I go out for a bit. It'll only be a couple of hours and we'll be back before you go to bed."

Ben frowned as he glanced over to Alex, pushing out his lower lip and allowing it to wiggle. "Don't give me that look, mister," Alex teased as she walked over to him and leaned down as well, using Olivia shoulder for support. "No crying."

"But—but Mommy! I don' wanna be 'lone!"

Alex sighed as the waterworks began, his little hands grasping for anything in sight which just so happened to be the edge of Alex's dress. "Ben, we talked about this and you agreed that you would be fine with spending a couple of hours with Elliot. You love spending time with him!"

Ben shook his head as tears streamed down his face. "I don' wan' you to leab me!"

"We'll be back before you go to bed, buddy," Olivia assured him as she gave up and sat down on the ground, Ben immediately running toward her and wrapping his arms around her neck since she was now at his level.

Olivia rubbed his back slowly up and down as he cried into her blazer. After a few minutes of comforting words from her, Ben started to calm down, his cries turning into hiccups. "There you go buddy, you're alright. Mommy and I will be back in just a few hours, okay? That's only four of your TV shows!"

Ben perked up as he glanced at Alex, wiping his running nose with the back of his fist. "Promise?"

"We promise, Ben," Alex assured him.

"Pinkie promise?" Ben questioned again, holding out his hand which was now covered in snot.

Alex laughed softy as she grabbed a tissue and quickly wiped up his nose and hand. "Pinky promise," She agreed as she held out her pinkie. They shook on it before her turned to Olivia and did the same with her. "Just a few hours. And if you really miss us you can have Elliot call us so you can hear our voices."

* * *

Alex smiled at the woman across from her as her hand was covered with Olivia's. "Our first night away from the kids," She commented as she looked into warm brown eyes. Olivia tipped her menu down with her other hand, setting it against the white table cloth.

"It feels weird, doesn't it?"

"A little," Alex agreed as she pushed her fingers up against Olivia's, intertwining their fingers before settling her hand back against the table. "Do you think Ben's doing okay?"

"I'm sure he's watching his TV show right now or playing with the new RC car Elliot brought over with him. I'm not sure Elliot's going to be able to take that home knowing Ben's obsession with cars!"

Alex chuckled softly as she evaluated her menu for a few more seconds. "Did you remember to show Elliot where the new diapers are for Lexie?"

"Yes and I showed him where all the cleaning supplies were too."

"I really hope Lexie isn't crying. That would probably drive him crazy. Did you put any formula in the fridge?"

Olivia smiled at the blonde, not finding herself bothered in the least with all of Alex's questions. She found it cute that Alex was so worried. "I did. Don't worry, Al, Elliot has managed to keep all of his kids alive through the years so I think Ben and Lexie are okay for one night."

"You're right, I'm sorry. How about we try to enjoy our first night to ourselves?" Olivia smiled back in response. They both ordered and found themselves wondering about Ben and Lexie once the distraction of a menu was gone.

"So…" Olivia contemplated what there was to say. Normally she'd ask her date about their work, a bit about their life, and definitely about their passions but she already knew so much about Alex considering she had been living with her for so long.

"So…" Alex replied back teasingly as she glanced down at their intertwined fingers. She glanced back up at Olivia and bit her lip. "Would you mind calling Elliot just to make sure that everything is going okay?"

Olivia chuckled in response but nodded. "Of course. I might as well make sure he didn't burn down the kitchen." Alex's eyes widened before the brunette had time to shake her head. "I'm kidding, Al, relax." She excused herself from the table, only to return a few minutes later. "Everything is perfectly under control. Ben is playing with the RC car right now and apparently has a monster truck type thing going on. He spread out all of his little cars and is driving over them with the RC car."

"Of course he did." Alex laughed as she shook her head. "And Lexie? Did he feed her some cereal? Is she crying at all?"

"He said she's just sitting on the floor watching the RC car as if she's in a trance. Probably has that same look on her face that she gets when she's watching TV. And I made sure that he knew where Ben's dinner was and how to reheat it since he's so picky about eating hot food."

"Thank you for checking in on everything."

They continued making small talk, both of them glancing at their phones without thinking much about it. Neither wanted to tell the other how worried they were, especially Olivia who was trying her best to keep Alex relaxed.

After both checking their phones for the tenth time, they glanced up, meeting the other's gaze. Alex furrowed her eyebrows slightly and Olivia smiled before nodding, neither of them needing to speak a word. As the waiter walked by, Olivia called him over. "Excuse me, can we actually get our food boxed up to go and the check?" He nodded before heading off.

"Thank you," Alex whispered as she grabbed onto Olivia's hand and squeezed it gently.

"Ben, we're home!" Olivia called from the door, frowning when a little ball of energy didn't come running toward her. "Ben?"

"He's in here, Liv," Elliot replied from the living room. Both women entered the apartment and walked over to the couch where Ben was currently watching his TV show, Lexie in his lap and a blanket over them both. "You two are home early."

"Yeah, it just felt weird being without them." Olivia shrugged as Elliot gave her a knowing look since he had the same problems with Kathy plenty of times.

"Hey buddy, how was hanging out with Elliot?" Alex questioned as walked over to the couch, running her fingers gently across Ben's forehead in an attempt to get him to look up.

"Good! Look, Lexie is watching TV with me!" He exclaimed, still not taking his eyes off of the TV. Alex chuckled as she glanced over at Olivia, shaking her head.

"Of course they're perfectly fine and _we're_ the ones who couldn't handle being separated from them," Alex commented as she walked over to the detective. Olivia smiled back at her and wrapped an arm around Alex's back, pulling the blonde against her side.

Alex settled one arm against the center of Olivia's chest before looking over at Elliot. "Thank you so much for being our test run for their first night without us. We're officially cutting it short so you can spend time with Kathy tonight."

"Anytime, Alex, I mean it. I love hanging out with those two. They're so much calmer than my own children and I'm finally _cool_ for once. Maybe next time you two can actually finish your meal before coming home." He winked at them before heading over to the door. "See you at work Monday, Liv."

They all said their goodbyes, leaving Olivia and Alex admiring Ben and Lexie on the couch. "What do you say, Liv, movie night with the kids?"

Olivia smiled as she grabbed onto Alex's hand and tugged her over to the couch. They both plopped down on either side of Ben, cuddling up close to him until he decided to crawl into Alex's lap. The blonde leaned against Olivia, cuddling against her side as she pulled the blanket tight around their lower halves.

"Why did we even think we'd enjoy a few hours away from them?" Olivia questioned as she leaned down and kissed the top of Ben's head before looking over at Alex. The blonde grinned back as she tilted her cheek up and moved it closer to Olivia.

The detective chuckled softly before kissing Alex's cheek as well until the blonde turned her head and kissed her on the lips. They deepened it for a few seconds, both forgetting about the little boy in Alex's lap.

"Hey!" They quickly broke apart at the sound of Ben's voice, looking down at him and wondering who was going to explain that girls were allowed to kiss other girls. "I want a kiss too!" Both women burst into laughter as they leaned down and kissed opposite sides of Ben's cheeks.

"I love you," He whispered as he pulled Lexie closer, kissing her head before settling back against Alex's chest.

"We love you too, so, so much Benjie," Alex replied as she glanced over at Olivia and smiled in a form of accomplishment. She was surprised that Ben didn't question them kissing at all but then again he was probably too young for the public to have tainted his mind.

Olivia sighed in satisfaction as she leaned back against the couch and wrapped her arm around Alex's shoulders, pulling the blonde tight against her. "A perfect way to end the night," She commented as she chastely kissed Alex on the cheek before focusing on Ben's TV show as the little boy erupted in giggles.


	20. Chapter 20

Olivia couldn't suppress her grin as she shut the door behind her, quietly depositing her keys on the table before nudging out of her work shoes. With precise footsteps, she wandered into the kitchen, following the scent of roasted chicken. She grinned wide as she caught sight of Alex, the low hum of the radio playing in the background as the blonde swayed her hips to the music.

She was surprised that neither Ben nor Lexie had heard her enter the apartment but the sound of the TV coming from the living room told her that they were otherwise preoccupied. So, as quietly as she could, she walked over to the blonde and slipped her arms around a thin waist, pulling Alex flush against her body as she nuzzled her head into soft blonde locks.

Alex gasped in surprise, the spatula that she was holding dropping into the pan, before she relaxed against the strong body behind her, knowing full well that it belonged to the gorgeous brunette that shared her bed at night. "Mm, trying to give me a heart attack?" Alex questioned as she tilted her head to the side and then back, so that she could looking into those warm brown eyes that she was fond of.

"Never," Olivia denied as she nuzzled her face further between blonde locks until her cold nose brushed up against Alex's warm neck. She grinned before kissing the pounding skin that she found there, sucking gently.

"God, Liv, you're freezing cold!" Alex shivered in the brunette's arms, her neck scrunching up and pushing Olivia's mouth away from her.

"What'd you expect? It's snowing outside and I'm forced to chase down criminals in this weather."

"Well warm up a little before putting all your cold parts against me!" Alex teased as she tried to wiggle out of Olivia's grip, only to be held in place.

"Hmm, warm up alone or warm up against a gorgeous blonde who always steals my body heat during the night?" Olivia smirked as she grabbed onto Alex's hips before sliding her hands up and under the blonde's sweater.

"Olivia, no!" Alex twisted in Olivia's arms as she tried to pull away before cold fingers hit her warm skin. Of course it was futile; Olivia was stronger than her and the kitchen counter prevented her from running away from the detective. She squealed as cold hands covered her abdomen before sliding up, icy fingers caressing her ribcage. "You're freezing cold!"

"Shh, just give it a minute." Olivia giggled as she pulled Alex close to her and nuzzled her face against Alex's warm neck once more, warming up her red nose. "You're so warm and soft." Now slightly less cold fingers slid up to fiddle with the underwire of Alex's bra. Olivia glanced down from her perch on the blonde's shoulder, stifling a laugh as she noticed two sharp points from under Alex's shirt. "Someone is happy to see me," Olivia teased as a single thumb ran over the top of Alex's cotton bra, demonstrating her meaning.

"I'm cold, genius," Alex commented as she pushed her hips back into the detective's crotch, finally causing Olivia to release her hold. "And just for that you won't be able to _feel_ how excited I am later tonight."

Olivia's smirk immediately vanquished as she frowned. "You're not serious…"

"Benjie! It's dinnertime! Go wash up," Alex yelled out as she turned around, smirking at the detective. She raised an eyebrow before sidestepping Olivia and heading out to the living room to pick up Lexie.

After dinner, Ben glanced up at Alex with big brown eyes. "Mooooommy?" Alex sighed as she tried not to smile. She knew _that_ sound. That was the way Ben said her name whenever he wanted something out of her. For example, that's how he got to play on her computer for half an hour when she was trying to work. And that's how he got ten new hot wheels out of her a few weeks ago.

"What do you want?" She teased as she walked over to him, picking up his water glass and relocating it to the counter so he wouldn't accidentally spill it.

"Can I have dessert?" He questioned as he glanced over at Olivia and then back to Alex.

"Of course buddy. How about a cup of milk and a few Oreos?" Alex questioned as she walked over to the pantry.

"What about me, Alex? Do I get _dessert_ tonight?" Olivia teased, knowing she'd get a rise out of the blonde.

"Only good little boys and girls get dessert, Liv, and you weren't being very good earlier," Alex quipped as she brought two Oreos over to Ben and set them down on a napkin.

"What was Mama doing?" Ben questioned curiously as he looked over at Olivia with a grin.

"She was being mean and putting her cold fingers on me!"

Ben giggled as he quickly slid out of his chair, his Oreos now completely forgotten. He ran over to Alex with a huge grin on his face and put his hands on her jean-covered knees. "I'm like Mama!" He giggle as he wiggled his fingers against Alex's kneecaps, causing the blonde to laugh.

"Does that mean you're a bad boy too? Bad boys don't get dessert!" She teased as she leaned down, quickly scooping him off of the floor and holding him high up in the air.

"No! I'm a good boy!" He cried out as Alex carefully spun him around, causing him to erupt in giggles. "Mommy! Lemme go!"

"Only good boys get to eat Oreos," Alex continued as she lifted higher up before lowering him again to arm level. Before she could lift him up again, she felt arms encircle her waist and pull her backwards.

"I got her Benjie! Go get your Oreos!" Olivia exclaimed as Ben quickly wiggled out of Alex's arms and dropped to the floor. He quickly scrambled over to his chair and climbed up as Alex pretended to chase him. "Oh no you don't, Mommy," Olivia stated as she lifted the blonde off of the ground and into her arms. "Quick, Ben, eat your Oreos!"

The little boy grinned wide as he chomped down on one of them, brown crumbs falling onto the floor that Olivia knew she'd end up cleaning later as her punishment. Alex cried out as she wiggled against the detective's strong arms, only to have Olivia set her back down on the ground. Within a second, she was turned around so that she was facing Olivia before she felt herself being hoisted into the air and tossed over Olivia's shoulder.

"Olivia!" She cried out as she tried to grab onto the back of Olivia's shirt before realizing that the brunette had her securely held down. "Come on, Ben! Should we torture Mommy with the tickle monster?"

"Tickle monster!" Ben screamed as he jumped out of his chair, quickly following Olivia as she carried Alex to the couch before tossing her down, careful not to hurt the blonde. "Tickle monster, tickle monster! He's gonna get you Mommy!" Ben giggled as he jumped up onto the couch and crawled on top of Alex's stomach, his little fingers poking and prodding her sides in his failed attempt at tickling.

Alex pretend to laugh all the same, as she tried to tickle Ben back. She barely realized that Olivia had disappeared before a little head of blonde hair was hovering over her, a little piece of drool about to splash down on her glasses. "Lexie!" She cried out as she reached out for the little girl only to have Olivia lower her against her chest, smearing the drool across her cheek.

"Lexie tickle Mommy too!" Olivia exclaimed as she walked around the couch and straddled Alex's legs, sitting behind Ben who was still attempting to tickle Alex's sides.

"No! I'm too ticklish!" Alex played along as she squirmed against Ben before sitting Lexie upright against her chest, watching the little girl giggle with a huge grin.

"'Ickuh Mo-me!" Lexie giggled out, surprising both Alex and Olivia. While Lexie certainly knew quite a few words, she hardly ever spoke which began to worry both of the women. "Mo-me!" Alex grinned as the youngest blonde lowered her head, bobbing slightly as she placed her hands on Alex's shoulders.

"What are you doing Lexie?" She questioned softly as the little girl smiled wide.

"Kiss!" She cried out as she squished her lips against Alex's cheek, leaving a small string of slobber as she pulled away.

"Mommy needs a kiss from you too, Benjie!" Olivia encouraged as she nudged Ben who immediately leaned down and kissed Alex's cheek on the opposite side.

"I give the best kisses!" He announced as he leaned over and kissed his sister on the cheek as well.

"You sure do, buddy!" Olivia agreed as she grabbed onto him and kissed his cheek repeatedly as he squirmed away from her, laughing.

"Too many kisses! Kiss Mommy!" He cried out as he tried to tickle Olivia who finally let go of him.

Olivia grinned as she slid along the length of the couch on the outside so that she was leaning above Alex. "Does Mommy need a kiss?" She teased as she smiled down at the blonde.

"Maybe just one…to apologize for earlier." Olivia shook her head as she leaned down and pressed her lips against soft, warm ones. She was never one to deny a kiss to a gorgeous woman. She kept it chaste, not wanting to elicit any questions from Ben about why they kissed on the lips instead of the cheek. As she pulled away, she brushed her thumb against Alex's cheek, smiling down at the most amazing woman she had ever met.

Their moment of adoration was quickly broken as Olivia's phone rang out loudly, distracting them all. Olivia leaned back and sighed as she smiled apologetically at Alex. "That would be me." She carefully moved off of the couch and grabbed out her phone as she wandered into the kitchen, allowing Alex to have a moment with the kids.

When she returned less than a minute later, she almost didn't want to deliver the news that she'd be leaving for a case. Alex was leaning up against the arm of the couch, Ben cuddle up on her side with his back against the back of the couch, and Lexie standing between Alex's legs, balancing with her little hands clasped around her arms.

Alex was smiling wide as Lexie bounced up and down before she noticed Olivia watching them. "We have a case."

Alex frowned as she looked over at Ben who immediately looked up in confusion. "You're leaving?" He questioned, frowning as he did so.

"Liv, do you really have to go? You've been working more and more hours every week. I didn't even expect you home for dinner."

Olivia tried not to let the hurt in her expression show. "I'm sorry, Alex, but there's a missing child." She glanced over at Ben and tried not to think about him being abducted like the boy she just got called in for. "I'll be back as soon as I can, okay? I need to try to bring him home so he can be with his parents." It hurt to be so blunt with the blonde but Olivia found herself torn in two different directions.

The job had always been her life and it had certainly taken its toll on her but it was all she had…until Alex. She didn't want to have to abandon Alex and her kids in exchange for freezing temperatures and snow storms. But then again, she didn't want to have to think about a little boy, scared, alone, and possibly tortured at the hands of some twisted stranger when she could've done something about it. She could only hope that Alex would understand. She knew it was hard on Alex to be home with the kids all day while she headed off to work for eight hour shifts, sometimes twelve when things got rough.

Blue eyes diverted from Olivia's gaze, her thin body sinking against the couch cushions as a whisper left her lips. "I know."

"I'll see you…" Olivia paused, not wanting to promise tonight if she couldn't keep her word. "Soon." She leaned down to kiss Alex on the lips, only to have the blonde turn her head at the last minute. She tried not to let the gesture go to her heart, instead pressing a soft kiss against Alex's cheek.


	21. Chapter 21

When Olivia returned, a little after three am, she was destroyed, mentally and physically. Her body ached, especially her left side of her ribcage and the underside of her right eye, both placed that she had took punched during the take down of their suspect. But that was nothing compared to the aching in her heart that she felt, still going strong three hours after finding the body of a seven year old boy, bloodied and bruised, in a twisted pile among every day trash.

Abducted and killed in a matter of hours and there was absolutely nothing that she could do about it. She wondered if it would've made a difference if Elliot had called her the moment he had gotten the case rather than two hours afterwards. The abductor had admitted to killing the boy an hour after abducting him but she still felt guilty, as if she could've done more and she _should've_ done more. That was someone's son, nephew, grandson, best friend, brother.

With a heavy heart, she trudged to the guest bathroom, quickly shedding her clothes and turning on the shower. She stepped underneath the water, not bothering to wait until it was hot. Sometimes the stinging cold felt good. It reminded her that she was alive. After a few seconds, the water turned steaming hot and she still didn't have the energy to change the temperature so she stood underneath it, allowing the scalding water to pound against her skin and wash away the grime that she felt.

After almost thirty minutes, Olivia finally turned off the water and exited the shower, her movements sluggish. She wrapped a towel around her torso, wincing at the feeling of the fabric brushing up against her raw skin, before stepping out of the bathroom. All she wanted to do was sleep.

She stepped out of the bathroom and turned toward Alex's room before stopping abruptly. As much as she wanted to crawl into bed with the blonde and hold her close, feeling her heart beat, she couldn't fathom climbing into bed with her while she felt so filthy.

So instead she turned to her former bedroom, a room she hadn't slept in for over a month even though the bed was still made and a few of her things still resided in the dresser. She pushed the door open without much thought and grabbed some underwear and an oversized shirt, quickly changing into both.

She turned toward the bed, her tired eyes barely glancing at it before catching sight of an unexpected shape. She rubbed her eyes for a second before taking a step closer. In the center of her bed was Alex, curled up into a tight ball with Olivia's pillow squished between her arms and against her chest.

Olivia bit her lip, debating on whether she should wake the blonde or just go sleep on the couch. Her curiosity got the better of her and she sat down on the edge of the bed, placing her hand on an exposed shoulder. "Alex."

Alex stirred for a second before her eyes flashed open, blinking a few times before squinting up at Olivia. "Liv," She whispered, her voice thick and hoarse, but not from sleep. Olivia could barely make out the swollen eyes and smudged makeup that indicated that Alex had been crying which must have inevitably lured her to sleep. "I didn't expect you home."

"I didn't either." The detective didn't know what else to say. She didn't want to push her pain off onto Alex especially since it appeared as if she was going through something as well. Olivia couldn't help but feel guilty, wondering if she was the cause of Alex's earlier crying.

Alex leaned up slightly, propping herself up on one arm as she leaned closer to Olivia, her eyes searching the brunette's tired face. The blonde's face contorted in recognition, as she used her free arm to cup Olivia's cheek. "Oh Liv," She whispered, knowing that the dejection in those normally happy brown eyes meant that a child had died. "I'm so sorry," She whispered again, this time pulling Olivia closer to her as she wrapped her arms around Olivia's shoulders. "I'm so sorry, honey."

The seconds ticked by in silence before Olivia finally let out the sob that she had been holding in, her head burying itself against Alex's t-shirt as she gripped onto the front of it, crumpling up the soft material in her fist. They stayed there for a few minutes, one of Alex's hands cupping the back of Olivia's head and holding her close as the other soothingly ran up and down her back. She didn't dare say anything to the detective, knowing that there was nothing to say that could make her feel better.

After twenty minutes, when Alex felt as if Olivia had exhausted her entire body, she slowly lowered herself against the mattress, taking the detective with her. Olivia laid down on the bed without protest, her arms immediately wrapping around Alex and pulling her closer as she rested her head against Alex's left breast, allowing herself to fall asleep to the sound of Alex's strong heartbeat.

When Olivia woke up, she was surprised to find herself alone. She remembered the night before in perfect detail, even though she didn't want to, and she knew it wasn't like Alex to just abandon her come morning. She leaned up slightly and glanced at the clock, realizing that it was already ten which could potentially explain why Alex was already out of bed.

Despite her body craving more sleep, she slipped out of the bed and pulled on a pair of sweatpants before searching for Alex. She found the blonde in the kitchen cleaning up breakfast, her back turned to her. Olivia watched her for a few moments, not saying a word until Alex turned around, jumping slightly when she noticed the brunette standing there.

"Morning. I left a plate of eggs and bacon in the microwave for you. Thirty seconds should do the trick," Alex stated as she opened up a cabinet and pulled out a mug. She wandered over to the coffee pot and filled it up before holding it out to Olivia, her gaze purposely trying to avoid the dark purple bruise surrounding Olivia's eye.

"Are we not going to talk about last night?" Olivia questioned as she took the cup before setting it back down. She knew Alex noticed the bruise and it wasn't the first time that she had come home with an injury. It was, however, the first time that Alex didn't immediately demand an explanation.

"What is there to talk about? You never want to tell me about your cases and you never want to let me in."

"Alex—"

"No, don't Alex me," The blonde interjected as she turned away from Olivia and pressed a button on the microwave, causing it to come to life. "I know what happened, Liv. Elliot called me this morning to let me know. At least _someone_ tells me what's going on."

"I let you in…last night—"

"Bullshit, Olivia. We both know the only reason last night happened was because you were trying to avoid me by sleeping in the guest room. Don't even try to lie to me about that." Olivia's gaze dropped to the ground, unsure what to say since the blonde was right. "You keep…you keep pulling shit like this Olivia. How do you expect me to be in a relationship with you when you can't even come to me during a moment like last night?"

"Alex, that's not fair," Olivia argued as she took a step closer to the blonde, Alex matching her with a step back.

"No, Liv, it is fair because you're doing it to yourself. I've let you get away with sleeping on the couch a few times, giving me the cold shoulder, not talking to me after difficult cases but I can't keep going on like this!"

"What do you want from me then?" Olivia snapped as she took another step to Alex, anger apparent in her features. "What do you want, huh Alex? Want me to tell you a little boy was murdered because some twisted fuck decided to abduct him but got freaked out when an Amber Alert was issued? Do you want to know how he snapped his legs because the little boy tried to run? How—"

"Stop it!"

"No, you want me to open up to you so I'm telling you what I had to see yesterday."

"Shut up!"

"He was murdered for doing absolutely nothing and then tossed in the trash—"

"Shut up, shut up!" Alex screamed as she finally lunged at the detective, shoving her backwards just enough to get her point across. "I want you to trust me, Olivia! I want you to open up to me about your pain and anger not that!"

"That is where my pain and anger come from, Alex, and until you work a day in my shoes, you will _never_ understand what I go through on a daily basis."

Alex shook her head as she turned away from Olivia. "I don't want to pretend to know what you go through, Liv. I just want to be there for you. I want you to stop running from me." She paused as she glanced back at Olivia, her eyes shimmering with the beginning of tears but she wouldn't let them fall, not now. "I want you to tell me that you're in a relationship with me because you want me to play a bigger part in your life, not just because it's convenient to make out with me and touch me whenever you want."

"How could you say that about me?" Olivia spat out as her face contorted with disgust. "I love you, Alex. I do everything I do to protect you!"

Alex shook her head as she swiped away an invisible tear. "Then prove it." They stared at each other for a few seconds before Olivia quickly left the room. Alex followed her to her bedroom, pausing as the detective grabbed a duffel bag out of the closet. "What the hell are you doing?"

Olivia didn't bother looking at her as she opened up a drawer and pushed all of her clothes into the duffel bag before moving on to the next one. "Stop it!" Alex cried out as she ran over to Olivia and shoved the drawer closed.

"You want me to prove that I love you? This is me proving it, Alex. Obviously I'm doing nothing but hurting you by staying here and treating you the way I do." Olivia scoffed as she stepped away from the dresser and instead went to the closet, pulling out her jackets.

"This is you running, Olivia! You're pathetic; you're fucking pathetic! You're running from all your problems, you're running from me, you're running from Ben and Lexie and somehow in your twisted mind you're doing it all because you love me?"

Olivia ignored her as she pulled another jacket out, shoving it in the bag only to have the bag pulled from her hands. "Alex—" Olivia muttered as she reached out for the bag.

"No!" Alex screamed out as she pulled away from Olivia and turned the bag upside down, pouring all of the contents onto the floor. "Don't you dare argue with me. You're not leaving and that's final. Now put your fucking stuff back in the damn dresser. If you really don't love me like the way you're acting then take your stuff from my room and move back in here but you will _not_ abandon those two children. Do you understand me?"

Olivia merely nodded as Alex shoved the duffel bag back into her arms and headed toward the door, stopping only for a second. " _I_ love you, Olivia. That's why I was in your room last night; I couldn't sleep without you next to me and that pillow still smells like you so I curled up with it, waiting for you to get home. _That's_ love. Not packing your bags and trying to leave just because things get tough between us. If you really love me you'll sleep in _our_ bed tonight, just like every night for the past month." And with that, Alex left the room, leaving Olivia with a pile of clothes on the floor.

Olivia left the apartment half an hour later, without a bag in hand. When she returned later that night, neither her nor Alex said a word to each other at the dinner table as they both tried to act normal for Ben and Lexie.

When ten pm rolled around and Alex found herself in bed alone, she sighed, wondering if she was too hard on Olivia. It was true that she had no clue what the brunette was going through but she had no right to attempt to just walk out on her when things got a little rough. That wasn't how relationships were supposed to work, despite what Alex's experiences with other lovers told her.

With one more glance to the door, she set her book on her nightstand and took off her glasses, placing them on top of the book. She slipped out of bed just long enough to turn off the light before sliding back under the covers, curling up on Olivia's side rather than her own.

When sleep didn't come easily, she spent the next hour tossing and turning, wondering if Olivia was as miserable sleeping alone as she was. Just as she began to drift off into a tortured sleep, images of Olivia packing a bag filling her mind, she heard her door creak open, much like it did when Ben had a nightmare.

She sighed softly, knowing it was going to be a long night if he was having trouble sleeping as well. She waited in silence for a moment for him to whisper her name before crawling into bed with her but no sound came.

She turned slightly, narrowing her eyes as she looked at the tall figure in the corner of her room facing her. The figure took a few steps forward, Olivia's face now partially visible in the dark. The brunette continued to look at her, admiring her in silence and Alex let her.

A few seconds later, Olivia walked a bit closer so that Alex could clearly see her face. "I can't sleep without you," Olivia admitted in a whisper, not moving another inch without hearing permission from the blonde first.

Alex studied her for a moment before sliding over on the mattress and lifting up the covers for Olivia. The brunette wasted no time in accepting the offer and quickly slipped in next to Alex, sighing in relief when she felt the covers drop down around her. She smiled in the dark at Alex, reaching out to touch the blonde.

"I'm so sorry," She whispered, her fingers brushing up against Alex's cheek gently. "I don't know what I was thinking Alex. Sometimes it just feels like everything comes falling down around me and I can't keep the weight of it all on my shoulders. In the past I was always given an ultimatum by my significant others. Them or the job. I couldn't just leave the job and today I thought you were asking me to do that for you."

"Liv, I would never—"

"I know," Olivia interrupted as she carefully pressed a finger against Alex's soft lips. "I know that now, Alex. But I want you to know that I would." Silence engulfed them for a few seconds before Olivia continued. "I would give up my job for you and the kids because I love you and I know I didn't act like that today when I tried to leave. I swear to you I will never try anything like that again. Just please, please forgive me, Lex."

"You need to prove to me that you're here to stay, Liv. You can't just freak out like that and try to leave; I won't always be there to stop you. So prove to me that you're here to stay and that you want this to work between us and I'll forgive you." Olivia nodded in understanding before reaching out for Alex.

The blonde shifted slightly, avoiding the touch before leaning toward Olivia. "Just let me pretend, at least for tonight, that everything is okay. Let me hold you." Alex slid across the mattress, closing the foot gap between them and allowing her body to be engulfed by strong arms. She sighed contently against the detective's chest, wondering how things had gone so haywire within a day. She was just glad that Olivia was back in their bed, hopefully to stay there for many more years.


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: Muse, where did you go? Sorry I suck so much at updating this story and basically all longer stories that I write** **—** **I always hit a wall. Maybe I should just stick to one-shots.**

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The weeks following their fight, Olivia had been treading lightly, as if any misstep might be the end of her and Alex. She knew to some extent that Alex was far more rational than her but she still heeded the blonde's warning.

Like the past few nights, she found herself in the kitchen, preparing dinner for the rest of her _family._ The thought of finally having a family made her smile as she stirred the macaroni and cheese—Ben's request for dinner. In an attempt to keep it a bit healthier, she made it from scratch instead of out of the box even though she had consumed the boxed product numerous times within the last few years—Ben didn't need to know that.

"It smells…cheesy." Alex's voice echoed into the kitchen, the sound of her socked-feet sliding against the floor before she settled next to Olivia.

"Good evening, gorgeous," Olivia replied as she leaned over, kissing the blonde's cheek. Alex scrunched her face in response as she laughed.

"Kinda like you," Alex teased, earning a glare from her girlfriend.

"I am _not_ cheesy." Olivia shook her head as she stirred the macaroni once more before turning off the heat. She quickly scooped some in two bowls that had already been set out, resting on top of a baking sheet. With her other hand, she grabbed onto a mixture of breadcrumbs and seasoning, sprinkling those on top.

"What exactly are you doing to my mac n' cheese?" Alex questioned as she watched the brunette place the baking sheet into the oven.

"Making it more suitable for Manhattan's finest Assistant District Attorney, of course. Can't have you eating a glob of cheese and pasta." Alex pulled the oven open and peeked at it, only to have the detective push the door close on her. "I'm just baking it for a bit so it'll have a crunchy topping."

"Maybe I like cheese globs and pasta," Alex teased as she leaned back and inhaled deeply. "Ben! It's dinner time, go wash up!" The sound of movement made its way to the kitchen before they could hear the water running in the bathroom.

"So what wine goes well with macaroni and cheese?" Alex raised an eyebrow at the brunette, wondering if she was serious or not.

"I can't say I've ever matched wine to macaroni and cheese but I'm willing to give it a go," She replied as she walked over to where she kept her wines, perusing through them.

A few minutes later, Ben made his way into the kitchen, and Olivia smiled as she looked over at him. The adorable boy was holding his sister under her arms as he helped her walk to the kitchen—a task that she had been trying to accomplish recently.

"Wow did you help her walk all the way in here Benjie?" Olivia questioned as she scooped up the macaroni and cheese for him and a little for Lexie as well.

"Yup! She's getting better, Mama. She even asked me for help!" Olivia smiled fondly at the boy, the word 'mama' still making her heart flutter.

"Oh did she? What did it sound like this time?" The detective teased as she placed their bowls on the table before pulling hers and Alex's out of the oven.

"She said my name! And held out her arms. I thought she wanted me to pick her up but then she started walking so I helped her."

"Well aren't you a perfect big brother." Alex grinned as she scooped Lexie up and carried her over to the sink so that she could wash her hands before she started eating. Ben found his way into his seat and grinned widely as he grabbed onto the larger bowl, smelling it.

"My favorite!" He cried out as he grabbed onto a spoon and immediately dug into it.

"Hey, can't you wait for your Mommy and sister?" Olivia teased as she brought her and Alex's bowls over. "Besides, I thought your favorite kind came out of the box."

"My favorite kind is any kind you make, Mama." Ben grinned wide and Olivia rolled her eyes playfully. He certainly knew just how to get what he wanted out of her. "And you, Mommy," Ben added once Alex sat Lexie into her chair and grabbed onto the wine glasses for her and Olivia.

"Mhm, whatever you say charmer." Alex grinned as she set a full glass down in front of Olivia and herself before sitting down next to the brunette. "Now you can eat," She teased Ben as he shoved another spoonful into his mouth, far before Alex finished her sentence.

As dinner progressed, Alex was acutely aware of Olivia's hand which had conveniently landed on her thigh the moment she sat down. She expected the brunette to give her leg a gentle squeeze like usual and then let go so that she could eat but somehow she was eating just fine with one hand. Said hand had started stroking up and down her thigh about two minutes ago and Alex found herself struggling to focus on feeding herself while making sure Lexie was fine eating on her own.

"Liv…" Olivia hummed softly in response, her hand stopping its motion and instead sneaking between the blonde's legs, her fingertips stroking against the seam of her jeans. "How much wine have you had to drink?" She teased with a raised eyebrow, subtly glancing down at the hand on her upper thigh.

Olivia shrugged as she picked up her almost full wine glass and sipped out of it. "Not much." She knew Alex already knew that and Alex knew the brunette was playing naïve.

"You seem a little…distracted this evening," Alex stated, trying her best to avoid a blunt question as Ben glanced up at them curiously before eating more of his dinner.

"Definitely not the alcohol. Maybe contact high?" Olivia grinned as her hand slid further up, her fingers finally brushing up against the seam of Alex's jeans at the apex of her legs. Of course, Alex almost dropped the wine glass that she was holding as she hardly expected Olivia to do _that._ It was one thing—and somewhat normal because Alex knew the detective loved her legs—for Olivia to stroke her legs in a sexual manner but the detective had never been so blunt. Although, Alex certainly wasn't complaining as she swallowed down her sip of wine and set the glass down as carefully as she could.

"Mama, can we watch the Little Mermaid tonight?"

"No!" Olivia stifled her laughter at Alex's quick reply, the blonde immediately blushing once she realized how quickly she had answered.

"Mommy's right. It's late already since I took so long to make dinner. She can read you and Lexie a book tonight while I clean up and then you two are off to bed," Olivia explained as she tried to ignore the pleading puppy-dog eyes that Ben pulled out to use on her.

"But…It's not even bedtime! What are you and Mommy going to do?"

"Mommy and I have some _adult_ stuff to take care of, Ben," Olivia explained as her fingers pushed firmly against the apex of Alex's legs, making her meaning very clear.

"I can help! I wanna be an add-alt too!"

Olivia laughed at the eagerness in the little boy. "Sorry buddy but you won't be able to do what your mama and I are going to do until you're older than all the numbers on the clock," Alex replied as she smirked at the brunette, her own hand settling on top of Olivia's and slowly sliding it out from between her legs.

"More like military time," Olivia corrected as she raised an eyebrow at the blonde.

"What's military time?" Olivia shook her head and laughed. Ever so curious…anything to stay up a little longer.

"Military time goes from zero to twenty-four and doesn't use AM or PM. Since its seven pm right now, we'd say that's nineteen-hundred in military time," Olivia explained as she gave Alex's thigh one last squeeze before standing up. "Now go brush your teeth and do it well because Mommy is going to check!"

Ben squealed in response as he ran off into his bedroom and Alex glared at the detective. "Good hygiene is important, Liv, and you _know_ little boys hate brushing their teeth."

"Okay tooth-nazi," Olivia teased as she started clearing off the table. "The sooner you get his teeth clean and him in bed, the sooner we can…do our adult activities." Arms circled the brunette's waist as she set the dishes into the sink and she couldn't help but smile as she turned around in long arms.

"You know…Ben is going to be brushing his teeth for _at least_ three minutes," Alex whispered hotly in her ear as she pushed Olivia backwards and into the countertop.

Olivia chuckled as she glanced behind Alex before placing her hands firmly on Alex's hips and pushing her away a few inches. "As much as I'd love to take you on an unconventional place, we have an audience _and_ three minutes won't be nearly enough for me."

"Ma!" Lexie giggled as she bounced up and down in her seat, perfectly aware that the women were talking about her.

Alex pursed her lips for a moment before stepping away. "Fine, hurry up with the dishes and I'll put them to bed." The blonde quickly walked over to Lexie and plucked the little girl out of her seat, not bothering to give her the chance to walk to the room like they normally did.

"Don't forget that you promised you'd read a book to Ben!"

" _You_ promised!" Alex corrected as she slipped out of the room.

Almost an hour later, Alex quietly extracted herself from Ben's room where Lexie was sleeping peacefully next to him. Normally she would've slept in their room but she wasn't comfortable with having such a young child in the room while she was trying to have sex.

She carefully closed the door part way before heading toward her bedroom, the smile on her face growing as she pushed the door open, looking expectantly for the detective. An hour would've given Olivia plenty of time to prepare, maybe even put on something sexier than her work clothes…

Alex stopped abruptly as she took in the sight before her. Her jaw dropped slightly as her eyes trailed over the brunette spread out on their bed. She took two more steps into the room before shaking her head. Seriously? She walked over to the detective and confirmed her suspicions; Olivia was fast asleep.

Alex couldn't help but chuckle as she walked over to her dresser and pulled out her pajamas, slipping into them rather than the sexy lingerie that had long ago been pushed to the back of her drawer—they could never seem to find the time to consummate their relationship and it was driving both of them up the wall.

With a deep sigh, Alex slipped into bed next to her girlfriend, curling up underneath the covers. Out of curiosity, she pulled down the covers just a bit to reveal that Olivia had even tried to dress up for her. The detective was in a pair of black underwear that the blonde knew framed her rear end perfectly. Her breasts were pushed up nicely in a black bra, a white tank top hardly concealing anything. She figured that the brunette must've gotten cold before pulling on the tank top and curling up under the sheets.

 _Another day,_ Alex told herself as she pulled the covers back over her sleeping girlfriend and cuddled up next to her. It had to happen eventually, right? With their luck, they'd finally be able to do it on their wedding night. Alex's eyes flashed open at the thought. Wedding? Where the hell had that come from? They hadn't been dating _that_ long. Five months was definitely too early to be thinking about that.

With a shake of her head, Alex closed her eyes again, settling back down against the pillow as her arms slid around Olivia's waist, bringing their bodies flush together. If she couldn't have sex she'd settle for the next best thing, just holding Olivia close.

The detective groaned softly, her head nuzzling against the top of Alex's. "Mm, love you, Alex…"

The blonde grinned as she pressed a kiss to Olivia's collarbone, silently confirming that Olivia was still mostly asleep. "Love you too, Liv."


	23. Chapter 23

Olivia took a step backwards, her back colliding with the wall as she scanned the living room with wide eyes. "What were we thinking?" She whispered, eyes still glued on the bodies on the floor.

The woman next to her shifted slightly, pushing her shoulder against Olivia's. "You thought it was a good idea at the time," Alex commented as she rubbed the side of her chin gently, surveying the damage that began hours ago.

"Well yeah but _six_ of them? I thought we agreed on two!" Olivia groaned in frustration as another woman walked up to her, smiling.

"It's so nice of you to do this, Olivia. My husband speaks so highly of you but I never suspected you had kids!" Olivia forced a smile at the mom, nodding in response. "This is just delightful, all the moms getting together and having kids socialize."

 _Not eight of them,_ Olivia thought as she watched as a two year old drooled on Alex's couch. _She's going to kill me for suggesting this._ "Yeah, just wonderful." She tried to sound pleasant but it was obviously forced as Alex elbowed her in the rib. "Uh, this is Alex by the way. My…" She paused, unsure what to say as she glanced at the blonde for help. Did she introduce her as a girlfriend? That sounded immature. Life partner? No, they weren't committed to that level. Lover? No, she was saving that for when they finally had sex. _Someday,_ she thought hopefully.

"We live together," Alex filled in, giving the woman enough knowledge yet not nearly enough for her to draw any unnecessary conclusions. She seemed nice enough and if her husband was a police officer that knew Olivia he was probably a tolerant man.

"You two have such a beautiful home," The lady continued, obviously trying to fill in the silence. "And two beautiful children. Lexie looks just like you, Alex. Those big blue eyes and blonde locks. Absolutely adorable. Sometimes I wish Jacob would've gotten my blue eyes instead of Paul's brown ones. Sometimes I wonder if he's really mine with that dark hair and eyes!"

Alex forced a polite laugh, at least one more convincing than Olivia, before excusing herself and walking over to Ben who was sitting on the couch alone. "Whatcha doing Benjie?" Alex questioned as she sat on the arm of the couch, looking down at the little boy.

"I 'unno. Just watching," He answered as he looked down at the younger kids who were playing with his hot wheels. "Can I have some apples?"

Alex smiled and nodded as she stood up. "Sure buddy, how about you come help me cut them up?" He smiled wide as he jumped off the couch and followed Alex into the kitchen.

Almost six hours later, Alex plopped down on the couch wearily, leaning heavily against Olivia. She sighed deeply as she grabbed onto Olivia's arm and pulled it close to her chest. "We are not having any more kids."

Olivia chuckled as she glanced down at Alex, a goofy grin on her features. "Not even another mini you?" Olivia teased as she gently stroked the short blonde locks in her lap. Lexie was passed out there and Ben on the other edge of the couch.

"They're pain in the asses, Liv. Well except our two. We're going to have to have the entire apartment cleaned. I'm not sure we're going to be able to get the puke smell out of the front door mat. I might just toss that." She shivered at the thought of having to clean it.

"Yeah, tossing it sounds like a good idea." She yawned as she extracted her arm from between Alex's and instead wrapped it around the blonde's back, pulling her against her chest. "Hey, look at the bright side. These two are so exhausted from playing with everyone and I think Benjie made a new friend. Amanda was absolutely smitten with him, did you see her following him around?"

Alex giggled against Olivia's chest, smiling happily. "She's a cutie, too. Our little boy is such a charmer, giving her his legos so that she could build a chair for her doll." She yawned much like Olivia, snuggling deeper into her chest as she stroked the top of Lexie's forehead. "They're exhausted and so are we. Maybe next time we'll be invited to play time at Jeanette's and we won't have to be the ones chasing around so many children."

"We can certainly hope." Olivia yawned again, blinking back her sleep as she glanced at the clock, noting that it was only seven. "Since when did we become those old people that fall asleep before eight?"

"We're not," Alex countered as she readjusted, picking Lexie up off of Olivia's lap as she laid down there instead. She rested her head in the detective's lap as she placed Lexie on her chest, cuddling up with the little girl.

"You look like you're about to pass out too, Alex." Olivia grinned as blue eyes fluttered open to look up at her. She stroked the longer blonde locks now in her lap before tapping the tip of Alex's nose. "Just go to sleep."

Alex yawned softly against her will. "Maybe just a little nap. We'll wake up in twenty minutes and put these two in bed so we can have some alone time." Olivia nodded even though she had a feeling that twenty minutes was going to turn into a few hours.

"Sounds like a plan," She agreed as she pushed her fingers through Alex's hair once more before returning to her forehead. She began massaging there gently, pulling a soft moan from Alex's lips.

"That feels really good," She whispered, her eyes completely closing so that she could absorb the full feeling of Olivia massaging her forehead.

"Shh, go to sleep." Alex smiled faintly as her eyelids sagged down completely. Olivia continued rubbing Alex's forehead until she heard her breathing even out. Once she was sure Alex was fast asleep, she leaned back into the couch cushions and closed her own eyes.

Olivia groaned a bit later as pain shot through her neck. She bit back another groan of pain as she pulled up her head and blinked away the sleep in her eyes, recognizing the living room. Guess they had fallen asleep for a lot longer than they expected. She yawned as she nudged the sleeping blonde in her lap. "Alex."

"Hmm?" Alex moaned softly, turning slightly as she cuddled up further in Olivia's lap.

"Alex, it's almost midnight and my neck is killing me. Let's go to bed."

"Comfy…" Alex groaned as Olivia tried to shift her off of her lap.

"At least one of us is," Olivia whispered as she rubbed the back of her neck. She hated waking the blonde but she knew her body was going to hate her tomorrow if she kept this up. "Come on, sit up a bit." Alex merely shifted a bit and Olivia slipped her way out from under her, the blonde immediately collapsing back down on the couch in exhaustion.

Olivia laughed quietly as she shook her head at the blonde. She certainly was exhausted. She scooped up Ben and brought him to bed along with Lexie, pulling the covers up around both of them and kissing both good night.

She returned to the living room and kneeled down on the floor as she shook Alex. "Hey, come on let's walk to our bedroom. Then you can sleep in until ten if you really want."

Alex groaned softly, a hand gently pushing up against Olivia's chest. "Sleeping," She whispered as she snuggled back into the couch cushion.

Olivia sighed as she slipped her arms under Alex's body, one under her upper back and another underneath her knees. "Come on sleeping beauty. Wrap your arms around my neck so I can carry you."

Alex let out another groan as the brunette lifted her up slightly. That woke her up. Alex cried out softly as her eyes flashed open and she wrapped her arms around Olivia's neck. "Liv," She moaned quietly as she buried her head against Olivia's chest.

"Just a second," She said as she stood up and walked Alex toward their bedroom, pausing as she turned sideways and carried the blonde through the doorway. "There we go." She skillfully pulled the covers back and lowered Alex onto the mattress.

"Mm, thanks," Alex whispered as she grabbed onto the pillow and curled up. "Hold me."

"Let's at least get you out of your jeans." Alex didn't seem to respond so Olivia unhooked her jeans and pulled them down her legs so that she wouldn't have to sleep in them. "Blouse, baby," She instructed as she pulled at the bottom of Alex's shirt and tried to drag it up. Alex huffed as she moved just enough for Olivia to pull it off, leaving her in underwear and a tank top. She immediately curled up under the covers as she shivered.

Olivia smiled as she pulled off her own jeans and shirt and quickly changed into her sleeping shirt before slipping into bed behind Alex. She wrapped her arms around the thin waist in front of her and pushed her legs up against the bare ones in front of her.

After a few seconds of readjusting, she pushed her nose between Alex's blonde locks and against her neck, sighing softly as she inhaled Alex's soothing scent. With a gentle kiss against the back of Alex's neck, Olivia drifted off to sleep.


	24. Chapter 24

Olivia woke to the bed shaking, followed by a weight settling on her chest. Her eyes flashed open in surprise, only to see blonde hair all around her face like a halo. "Alex?" Olivia whispered as she tossed an arm over her eyes and rubbed them gently. She glanced back up at the blonde before looking down at the bare thighs straddling her waist. "What time is it?"

"Six," Alex replied as she glanced up at the slight light that was beginning to filter through their curtains. Olivia groaned as she shrunk back down against the mattress with a sigh. "Don't tell me you're still tired. We fell asleep at seven, Liv."

" _You_ fell asleep at seven, Alex. I woke up in pain and had to move everyone to bed, including you."

"Fine, if you're still tired…" Alex shifted slightly, causing Olivia's eyes to fly open as her hands grabbed onto Alex's exposed hips from where her tank top had risen up. The blonde grinned deviously back at her.

"I like you on top of me," Olivia mumbled, blushing at the inappropriateness of her comment.

"Yeah?" Alex questioned as she lowered herself back down against Olivia's stomach. "And how would you know if you like me on top of you?" Alex pushed her hips forward just enough to cause a groan to escape Olivia's lips. "I've never done this before."

Olivia's fingers tightened around soft skin, pulling Alex's further against her. "I like it right now," She whispered as she closed her eyes, slowly moving Alex's lower half against her abdomen.

"Is that so?" Alex questioned as she increased her rocking against Olivia, causing brown eyes to flash open once more. Alex grinned as she grabbed onto the bottom of her tank top and pulled it over her head, tossing it to the side.

"Alex," Olivia gasped as she swallowed thickly. "What are you…"

"You know what," Alex whispered as reached behind her back and unclasped her bra, tossing it to the side as well before descending her hands onto Olivia's torso and pushing her hips forward.

"Oh, Alex…that feels good but _right_ now?"

Alex nodded as she tugged on Olivia's shirt, pushing it up her chest. The detective leaned up and allowed her to pull it off, revealing her own bare chest since she had taken off her bra the night before. "The kids are still asleep, I checked."

"But…" Olivia objected as she glanced to the door, noting that it was now closed.

"The door is locked and I turned on the fan in their room so that they won't be woken up if we make a bit of noise…" The suggestive comment caused a flood of moisture between Olivia's legs.

"Then what are we waiting for?" Olivia questioned as she grabbed onto Alex's hips and pulled her forward. Alex gasped as she collapsed on top of Olivia's chest, immediately melting into the kiss as she began to rock her hips against Olivia's stomach.

"I can…I can feel you," Olivia groaned as warmth pressed up against her abdomen. "God, Alex. I want you out of these," She ordered as she grabbed onto the edge of Alex's underwear. This wasn't exactly how she imagined their first time happening, locked in their bedroom at six in the morning, neither of them dressed in nice lingerie, but she didn't plan on stopping any time soon.

Alex pulled one of her legs off of Olivia and pushed down her underwear before kicking it off as Olivia did the same to her own. "Come back here," Olivia directed as she grabbed onto Alex's hips once more, pushing them up against her bare stomach, groaning as she felt Alex's arousal spread across her abdomen.

"God, Liv," Alex gasped as she cupped Olivia's breasts, attempting to massage them as she rocked herself against the detective. "I've been waiting so long for this." Olivia nodded as she stroked Alex's soft stomach before slipping hand between her legs and cupping her wet sex.

"I can tell," She teased as Alex's arousal coated her palm as she bumped it up against Alex's clitoris.

"Oh!" Alex cried out as she abandoned Olivia's breasts and instead gripped her shoulders. "God Liv, I want you inside of me." The command turned the brunette on like never before. She traced Alex's swollen lips a few times, gathering moisture before pushing two fingers into the blonde. "Ah! Oh God, please, fuck me."

Olivia wasted no time in beginning a rhythm of thrusting and stroking inside the blonde's tight walls, melting into the amazing feeling of finally claiming Alex's body. "That feels…so…so good…" Alex whimpered as she laid down against Olivia's chest, clinging onto her shoulders as she felt herself building up.

She pushed her hips forward with Olivia's thrusts, deepening the contact. "Right there, right there," She gasped as squeezed her eyes shut, rocking her body erratically against Olivia's palm. "Liv…Oh God…almost there."

Olivia pushed forward despite the burning in her wrist from Alex's forceful thrusts. She rubbed her palm up against Alex as best as she could, immediately sending the blonde over the edge. Alex cried out abruptly, letting a dragged out moan into the quiet room as she came on top of Olivia, her fingernails digging into Olivia's tender skin.

The detective felt her core clench in want as Alex's inner walls tightened around her fingers and coated her in arousal, the pulsing slowing after a minute. "Oh God," Alex panted as she buried her head against Olivia's shoulder. "Either you're really good at that or it's been so long that I forgot how great sex felt." Olivia grinned at the compliment as carefully slipped her fingers out of Alex. "I think you're just that good."

"You weren't slacking any either," Olivia teased as she used her unsoiled hand to brush back Alex's hair so that she could kiss her forehead. "You also look like you could sleep another ten hours after that release."

Alex smiled slightly as she shook her head. "Absolutely not. That'll guarantee that the kids wake up and I don't plan on wasting this time." With that, she pushed off of Olivia's body and quickly slid down between her legs. "I've been wanting to do this for so long…"

Olivia cried out the moment Alex's skillful tongue pressed up against her slit. She quickly tossed an arm over her mouth as she bit into it, hoping to quiet herself. If Alex kept that up, she would most definitely be waking Ben and Lexie from her screams.

"Fuck, Alex," She whimpered as her hips pushed up against Alex's mouth, the blonde using her arm to hold Olivia's abdomen down.

"Shh," Alex murmured, her tongue stroking against Olivia's sex again. She lapped up the detective's arousal before pushing her tongue up until she reached Olivia's straining bundle, already swollen with want. "You're so wet."

"Mmph," Olivia huffed as she covered her mouth as Alex sucked her clitoris into her mouth, her tongue lashing against it. "You…all you…" Olivia gasped as her hips jerked forward and her head tossed back. She bit onto her arm once more as she felt the coiling begin in her stomach. Her body ached for release and she knew she was mere seconds away from it.

She held back as long as she could to prolong her release but Alex's tongue was too skillful as it rubbed against her straining bundle. White light flashed through her mind as a shock of heat ran through her body, her inner walls convulsing as she came against Alex's mouth. The blonde didn't bother to move and continue stroking her clitoris despite her hips jerking every time she did.

Another orgasm wracked her body and this time Olivia couldn't stop herself from crying out as her hips pushed into the air and her body stayed upright. The blonde finally softened her touch until Olivia sunk back down into the sheets, her eyes wide and chest heaving from her release.

"Damn…" Olivia whispered, noting how numb her body felt. "I can't feel anything." Alex chuckled softly from between her legs, kissing the side of Olivia's inner thigh before pushing her way back up to Olivia.

"I think we've both been neglected of sex for far too long," Alex commented as she ran her hand through Olivia's tousled locks.

"Yeah, let's not wait this long ever again, okay?" Olivia grinned as she cupped Alex's cheek and pulled her in for a kiss, ignoring Alex's objections. There was something about the taste of herself on Alex's lips that turned her on, despite it being a total turn off in the past.

"Mmm," Alex hummed against her lips before pulling away so that she could catch her breath. "Deal." She grinned as she rolled over onto her back and tossed an arm over her abdomen.

"You don't think I'm done with you, do you?" Olivia questioned as she rolled onto her side, admiring the blonde's firm breasts bouncing ever so slightly from her breathing. Blue eyes flashed up to hers before Alex grinned.

The detective quickly crawled on top of Alex again and began massaging her breasts as she kissed her collarbone. "I don't think I'll ever be done," She whispered as she lowered her lips to one of Alex's straining nipples, sucking it into her mouth.

"Oh!" Alex cried out as she weaved her hand into Olivia's hair and held her against her breast. "Take as long as you want," She gasped out as she wrapped her legs around Olivia's hips, rubbing her core against the brunette.

Almost two hours later, Olivia stared blankly up at the ceiling, her mind all fuzzy. She could barely recognize the feeling of Alex's hair running through her fingers as she stroked the head between her breasts. "I never knew what people meant when they said 'mind numbing sex' until now."

Alex giggled quietly against her chest. "Yeah, me neither." She closed her eyes as she stroked the side of Olivia's ribs lazily. "Can we just stay in bed all day?"

"Sounds like a perfect day to me," Olivia replied as she slowly slid her free hand over Alex's back and stroked the tense muscles there. "What time do you think it is?"

Alex hummed softly as she thought about it. "It felt like we were at it for hours but it's probably only seven-thirty." Olivia nodded as she closed her eyes.

"We can probably get in an hour of sleep before Ben wakes up. He's usually not up until eight on the weekends."

"Sounds like a plan," Alex whispered as a yawn interrupted her statement. She licked her lips and settled against Olivia's chest once more, nuzzling her cheek against the soft skin.

It wasn't even ten minutes later when Olivia woke up from a soft knocking on the door. "Mama?" Olivia blinked a few times before leaning up slightly. "Mommy?" The detective jerked upright, causing Alex to roll off of her chest with a groan of frustration.

"Liv," Alex growled as she rolled onto the bed and pushed up. "What—"

"Mommy! I hear you! I'm hungry but the door is stuck." _Oh,_ Alex thought as she scrambled out of the bed and glanced at the clock, noting that it was already eight-thirty.

"I'm coming, Benjie, just give me a minute!" Alex called out as she frantically ran into the bathroom and pulled on her robe.

Olivia snickered to herself as she watched Alex tie the robe around her waist. "Hey, calm down, Alex. He has no idea what sex is so he's not going to suspect a thing." The blonde pursed her lips as she walked over to the window and pushed it open.

"God it must smell like sex in here," She huffed as she walked over to the door. "Go jump in the shower…and maybe strip the sheets, Liv. They need to be washed after what we just did."

Olivia grinned proudly as she stood up on weak legs and headed into the bathroom just as Alex opened up the bedroom door. She could hear the blonde immediately ordering Ben to go to the kitchen even though he normally liked to crawl into their bed and cuddle with them on the weekends before breakfast time.

Alex was certainly embarrassed at being caught post-coitus and the thought made Olivia grin like a fool. Her lover was absolutely adorable.


End file.
